[babygrant]

My son seems to have made friends with the girl who lives across the street. My son is 5, she's 7. I love that he has a friend so close, but this girl has absolutely no boundaries. She walks into our house, so now we have to keep the doors locked. We've explained to her it's not appropriate to just walk in, we'd appreciate a knock and for her to wait. She constantly asks for snacks, drinks, etc even if she's only here for 10 minutes. Both DH and I were layed off so I am supporting our family of four on a casual job with less than $20,000 income. Hard to buy groceries for just us! She is super bosy. Always telling DS where to go, how to do it, when to do it. DS is a bit of a pushover despite our best efforts to get him to be assertive and letting him know its ok to say no. She is always telling DS2 (3) that she doesn't want to play with him so the little guy always has hurt feelings. If we are out in the back yard, she is over here. I realize she is lonely, but it would be nice to be able to be our in our back yard just to relax without having to worry about someone elses child. The parents don't seem very involved at all with the kids. I just don't know what to do. I've explained what our rules are at our house and that when anyone is here, they are expected to follow the rules (no hitting, no namecalling, use our manners, etc, just common sense) but she just doesn't seem to get it. I'd love to be able to not worry about our door being pounded on at 9 pm. One thing about the parents.....they would NOT be receptive to a phone call. They are very sensitive to any kind of critique. I posted this thread about the parents a couple of years ago.

 

[newbymom05]

We have this problem too! Except our neighbor is 9 and wants to play w/ our almost-4 yr old.

She's def lonely. I took a bright yellow piece of paper and wrote in big letter "Sorry, we can't play right now" and I tape it to the door after 6p or if I'm not in the mood to deal with her. And it is deal with her, b/c I think she comes for adult interaction w/ me and DH as much as to play w/ our LO.

I dont really know her parents so I'm not comfortable having her in the house w/o their knowledge so I just told her that when/if she asks--sorry, that's not a good idea, let's play outside in our front yard. IME kids don't have a lot of boundaries; you, the adult have to set them. I'd just tell her, "No, we don't have any snacks" and if she asked again or questioned me, I'd just give a look and tell her to go back to her own house and get some and we'd see her later. If she tries to come in your back yard and you're not in the mood, just tell her you're having family time now and you'll let her know when you're free, or come back tomorrow, whatever. Re: your 3 y/o, that would seriously tick me off! I'd intervene ASAP and tell her the 3 y/o had to be included, and if she couldn't/wouldn't, tell her that it was time to go.

Don't feel guilty about it, b/c she isn't being rude IMO, she's learning how to live in a community. If you don't want her around, tell her it isn't a good time politely with a smile and don't worry about it. After reading your garbage thread, I wouldn't waste 5 seconds even considering calling the parents--you set the terms to deal with her, and as long as it's polite and respectful for everyone concerned, you're golden IMO.

 

[Porcelain Interior]

Meh I don't see anything in the thread you posted that says anything about them not liking to be critiqued, they just sound UBER lazy and clueless.

They only way to fix this is to be very firm with the child. If she doesn't get a clue you need to tell her she can't come over.

You have to have set answers to things and not feel guilty:

Tell her what time he can play.

Tell her what times he can NEVER play.
"We don't have visitors at bedtime/family time which is 7 pm."
(If she comes and knocks after the set time you MUST call her parents, and say that you don't want visitors after x time.)

Don't have her over during a meal time, send her home before. If she says she's hungry you need to say "Well it's not lunchtime yet, if you're really hungry you need to go back to your house and eat or you can keep playing and I'll let you know when it's time to go home for lunch."

You have to spell it out. Don't seethe and be annoyed. Kids need boundaries.

If she's totally clueless and continues I would only allow her to play if your son is already outside.

This sounds to me like a supervision problem, don't be afraid to tell her parents you don't appreciate the constant harrassment.

 

[limabean]

"Sorry honey, we're having family time. DS can play tomorrow at 3:00, you can come back then if you'd like" and if she knocks again repeat, as many times as it takes. Same thing in the backyard -- you don't need an excuse to want family time with no visitors.

 

[LynnS6]

Some people have suggested getting a flag or something to hang outside your front door (or back if she comes via the back) to tell the child when it's OK for her to come over and play. You might want to think about that. If she comes over at another time, take her hand and walk her back home. Repeat daily until she gets it. If she enters your house without knocking, take her back outside, close the door and practice knocking.

If she asks for a snack, say "I'm sorry, hon, we can't feed you. If you're hungry, you can go home and get something and come back."

When she tells your younger ds that he can't play "The rule in our house is: You can choose to play by yourself or you can play with everyone. But you can't tell one child they can't play. If you don't want to play with younger ds, you can choose to play by yourself." If she can't follow this, then give her one reminder "If you can't follow our house rules, you'll need to go home for the rest of the day." And follow through. Each and every time.l

We've got a couple of neighbor kids who are like that, and I'm very very direct with them. It's not 'confrontation', it's teaching. I can't expect them to know what my rules are, so I have to teach them.

 

[Treasuremapper]

I wonder if she is hungry? Like not getting enough food for some reason?

 

[octobermom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Treasuremapper I wonder if she is hungry? Like not getting enough food for some reason?

We had this issue back at the apartments we moved from. Sadly I knew some of the kids came over cause we actually had "set" meal times and there was a fight for our "extra seat". It ussually wasn't that they were being starved at home but there parents worked long hours were "too busy" ect so meals with more than one food group were rare. I tried to remember this and would provide a snack when these friends came but them I had to say that was all and I told the truth we need to keep food for OUR family. We also had the come in without asking a lot of repeat and reminding..

Deanna

 

[mommy68]

The way I see it this is your home and your rules. If she can't come at a decent time and be decent in your home then I'd tell her to only come between the hours of 3:00-4:00 or something like that. This is why I'm glad we don't live in a neighborhood. Our closest neighbor is so far that we can't see their house.

I learned long ago never to get something started that I didn't want to keep going on.

I once dated a guy whose mom had the neighborhood kids constantly at her house from as early as 8am until 10:00pm at night, especially during summer months. She was raising her grandkids and the whole neighborhood loved my boyfriend's mom

She was very popular. She finally had to refuse to let them inside the house, told them they could only come over and play outdoors and only between certain hours. I remember those kids standing around in the street during the time she didn't want them there. It was very sad. Most of them had parents that wanted them out of the house so they could sleep in or watch t.v. most of the day.

One kid even had a mother that locked him out of the house all morning so she could sleep so he had nowhere else to go. That's sad but it's still not someone else's responsibility to keep an eye on such a child. What if something happens and the kid(s) gets hurt at your home? I bet that parent would come running and complaining then. Sorry to drag on but this type of situation bugs me to no end.

 

[USAmma]

Maybe you can hang a sign on the doorknob when it's not a good time for her to come and play. If she knocks during that time, just pretend you don't hear her, or open the door and remind her about the sign.