Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 26 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,252 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We did our hospital tour on Thursday. The nurse giving the tour starts out with information about the hospital, and one of the questions is who is getting an epidural or other pain meds (several women raise their hands, as does my husband, that is his joke, I don't want the pain meds but he does), who isn't sure (more hands go up), who is planning to not use drugs (my hand is the only one in the air). She then asks me if I have given birth before (I thought sort of a "Do you know what you are in for?" was meant by it, but I could be paranoid) and I said no, but I am taking a hypnobirthing class. The nurse then asked what hypnobirthing was. I know that it has only been around for 15 years, but as someone who works in the medical profession, helping women give birth to babies, shouldn't she at least have heard of it? I was sort of flustered and said something about how it was a way to relax to deal with the "pain", and another woman told her it was self-hypnosis. So we do the tour and I am such a chicken about asking questions, but I do manage to ask if I can walk around during labor (in the teeny tiny delivery room that they have) and she points to the machines that I will be hooked up to and says "As far as those machines will let you". Then she asked who my practitioner is and I told her my midwife's name, so she said to talk to her about it. Then she asked if I was going to have a birth plan and I said that I planned to (I swear I saw a sort of disapproving look, I have heard of nurses laughing at birth plans, but once again, I could be paranoid). On the way home I again asked DH if I could give birth at home and was told no (He wants us to be in the hospital in case anything bad happens). I hope he might feel differently for our second child if all goes well this time.
I have talked to my midwife, and this is the hospital where she delivers. I will talk to her again at the next appointment about my hopes for my birth, and maybe that will ease my fears. The doula that I am taking the hypnobirthing class from (and who I am pretty sure I want to hire as my doula) is not a big fan of the hospital, but does speak really well of my midwife and says she is "hands off".
Am I worrying too much? What can I do (within my limitations of giving birth at this hospital) to help ensure getting the birth that I want? I am open minded and know that they don't always go the way that you want, but I just feel that I have to plan and hope for the one that I want, or I definitely won't get it.
Sorry so long!
Kristen
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,188 Posts
Tough tough TOUGH decision. This is what I know:
1. Listen to your heart, it never steers you wrong.
2. It's never too late to change your mind.
3. Switching birth plans is usually a HUGE blessing.
4. It never hurts to go interview a homebirth midwife and have your husband come along to ask all the emergency questions he wants.
5. As my midwife told my husband when we were planning for our first child and homebirth, "Wherever a woman tells you she wants to give birth, believe her."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,097 Posts
Perhaps helping your husband understand what midwives can handle, understanding how midwives help prevent problems that hospitals sometimes cause, etc

I think that many times people have misconceptions that need to be cleared up in order to be accepting of homebirth.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
42,824 Posts
It is not your husband's place to give you "permission" to birth where you need to. I would not enter that hospital unless something was VERY wrong. Look at homebirth. I would never do it any other way unless there was a SERIOUS complication.

-Angela
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,143 Posts
what about a birth center?

i think having a doula will help

a good midwife will help b/c she has the final say but until she gets there or they talk to her on the phone, they will try to get you to follow their rules.

i had a similar experience the first time. i was able to go natural even though i was hooked up to the "machines." but it would have been easier on me if i was not in a hospital or at least allowed to walk around more. i didn't even have a doula. i got to the hospital as late as possible which i suspect you will do as well.

sometimes when you have a birth plan, they will hook you up with a nurse that is more natural. that's what i got and once i got her, it was a different world. she never asked me if i wanted drugs b/c it said on my birth plan, "not to offer and i would ask if i needed pain medication."

do you know will you get to room in with the baby after birth? bf right away? can they delay newborn procedures for at least 30 min-1 hour to let you bond? these things would concern me more than being hooked up to crap.

um one more thing. try to get them to compromise on what you have to be hooked up to. a heplock instead of an iv if they absolutely demand it. if they want you on the monitor, ask to go to the bathroom. stay in there as long as you can. you won't need a catheter b/c you are not going to be hooked up to an epi. if you are unsure of anything, HAVE THEM CALL YOUR MIDWIFE. she absolutely has the final say. well you have the final say really but you might have to sign an AMA form or yell at them that you do not consent. i would pick what is important to you and fight for that. you want them on your side.

most women in hospitals get pain medst. that doesn't mean you have to, but the staff is not used to natural birth. try to find a way to compromise with your husband if possible.

it is sad you have to go through this big fight to get the birth you want, but i understand your situation. hugs
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,056 Posts
I would suggest doing a lot of research about what interventions hospitals want to do to you and why they actually do them. Please read Henci Goer's The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth which explains most of these interventions.

Then, be prepared (VERY prepared) to stand your ground about which interventions you will agree to. For instance, I think an IV (and hep-lock, saline lock) is completely unnecessary and uncomfortable for you--also it keeps you tethered to a foreign machine which is horrible and can interfere with the concentration required to keep your hypnobirthing working for you. As long as you keep yourself hydrated you don't need one. In the event of some "emergency" that requires an IV it takes all of 5 seconds to put one in.

Probably the main thing is to change your attitude--do not feel that you need to ask their permission for anything. You make all decisions regarding your care. If they give you any hassles, just quickly ask if there is a form you need to sign to relieve them of any liability.

Get a doula and really try and get your dh to understand these important issues and advocate for you, as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25,064 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by turtlewomyn
The nurse then asked what hypnobirthing was. I know that it has only been around for 15 years, but as someone who works in the medical profession, helping women give birth to babies, shouldn't she at least have heard of it?
That nurse is a complete boob.

Hypnosis, in its many forms as for the relief of the pain of childbirth has been around for over sixty years. There is no $ incentive in it as there is in the drug culture that permeates out maternity wards, so it has been given little attention if any at all.

My own mom used hypnosis fifty years ago, probably before that nurse was born.

Quote:
On the way home I again asked DH if I could give birth at home and was told no (He wants us to be in the hospital in case anything bad happens).
If something does happen, and hospitals have a way of seeing to it that something does happen, and you have a Caesarean Section Surgery, I hope your DH will be there for you, day and night, and maybe hire someone as well to help you out with the baby and around the house.

Honestly, I do not mean to sound rudeor vindictive, but I hear this all of the time. Your DH will walk into the hospital on the day of delivery, the same way he will walk out. You will not. You will be delivered one way or another of your baby, and what happens does affect the rest of your reproductive history.

Quote:
The doula that I am taking the hypnobirthing class from (and who I am pretty sure I want to hire as my doula) is not a big fan of the hospital, but does speak really well of my midwife and says she is "hands off".
... but those hands are tied by the rules of the hospital in any kind of pinch.

I am a hard-line homebirther.

I was the first of 8 born at home, and I am the mother of 4 born at home.

I know that it can and should be the norm for every pregnant woman in the world.

I hope you have your baby at home. You sound intelligent and I hope your DH comes around.

Please read my words and know that I am telling the truth to you.

: for all pregnant women everywhere and for YOU!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25,064 Posts
Please tell your husband that if homebirth and midwives were not safe, he, you, and I would not be having this conversation...the human race would have died out a long time ago.



After a discussion about mammal migrations and "having their young" as in whales, I was asked by my third grade student why other mammals do not go to the hospital as we do...mmm

I paused...

I did tell my class that having babies in an institution is a "new" thing of the last 100 years, compared to 10,000 years or more of human presence on this planet. I did tell them that some mammals do a kind of "midwifery", as in some dogs and whales do help each other in the birthing process.

One student did share that his aunt had a homebirth since she was afraid that her baby would be scrambled in the nursery.

Anyway, out of the mouths of babes, comes wisdom few of us still have as adults.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
699 Posts
I went to check out a "birth center" (within a hospital) when I found out I was pg because it is less than 5 miles from my house and the OB that I saw to confirm this pregnancy suggested I take a look. He seems to be very pro-natural birth and breastfeeding, and made the suggestion when I was telling him about my first two children being born in a freestanding birth center. He even said they have a large tub when I asked about water birth (and said he'd never attended a water birth before but might consider it).

So when I get there, it looks like a nice place but it is definitely a hospital. The rooms have a few pieces of nicer furniture, but regular L&D beds which, the nurse who was showing me around made sure to point out, "break down for delivery, of course". I asked to see the tub - it is down the hall in a separate, cold room. When I mentioned water birth the nurse practically recoiled in horror and said "Oh, no. THAT is against hospital policy - you cannot do that here." I asked about C-section rates and she would not give me a percentage, but when I asked about how many women birthed naturally there, she was very quick to reply "Oh, 97% of them get epidurals" pointing out that even the midwives' patients, who "used to try to go natural" are getting epidurals these days, it's the "trend". I could not get out of there fast enough.
:

That is why I am going back to my old birth center, even though it's almost 2 hours away now. I considered home birth as well, but I got a "something not quite right" feeling after I talked to the only direct entry midwife I could find in my area. My own sister is a midwife and plans to come for this birth from out of state - if she is here when I go into labor and we feel we don't have time to travel to the birth center (my other labors were pretty fast), I would have a home birth with her before I'd go to the hospital.

I would have a very direct talk with your midwife about your experience touring the hospital and find out exactly what things she does have control over and what things the hospital is going to give you a hard time with. I would also try to get your DH to read some good information on home birth and see if he might consider it after being educated a bit. If you do go to this hospital, I would wait until as late in labor as you possibly can so there is less time for them to try to force unwanted interventions on you, and make sure your husband and doula are very clear on your wishes so they can advocate for you with the staff.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18,562 Posts
Is there any way you can hire a doula, or at least have a trusted friend there to help make sure your birth plan is honored? A little pampering won't hurt you, either.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,491 Posts
It seems to me that your intuition is rightly throwing up red flags- go with your heart, this is YOUR body and the first birth experience sets the stage for all the rest...that is why I chose to birth at home from the start.

Maybe if you get your husband to understand that most of the time "something goes wrong" it is due to interventions like pitocin, drugs, being flat on your back and not able to move how your body tells you to, etc. then he would be more supportive of home birth? show him some stats- homebirth is just as safe for low-risk pregnancies! Men seem to like hard numbers...

good luck..you couldn't force me into that hospital if you gave me a million $$$ (I switched to a homebirth at 20 weeks after a similar experience)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
230 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by applejuice
Your DH will walk into the hospital on the day of delivery, the same way he will walk out. You will not. You will be delivered one way or another of your baby, and what happens does affect the rest of your reproductive history.


If you know homebirth is best, then you know that this baby is just as deserving as any future babies.

Don't get me wrong, that isn't said in a self-righteous manner. The "if everything goes o.k. maybe I'll do it next time" reasoning is exactly why I planned a birth center birth with my first. It's also why I stuffed the bad vibes, ignored the red flags, and subsequently subjected my baby to a traumatic birth instead of doing it myself like I wanted to all along.

If you want a homebirth, you need a homebirth. Nothing else will be acceptable in your heart, even if you say o.k. with your head. Getting dh on board now is less of a hurdle than what you may go through after a bad hospital birth.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,527 Posts
I second interviewing some homebirth mws with some solid questions and your dh. Don't tell him that you're dead set on it, but that you want to be informed of all your options.

Red flags. Yes, listen to your gut.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
465 Posts
It was my husbands general reluctance and the insurance agent who mislead/misdirected me that resulted in my DD being born in a hospital and not, at the very least, at a BC.

Knowing what I know now, experiencing what I experienced and just generally being a bit more mature I WISH I had stood my ground. At the very least educated my husband. (I could have had him talk to a homebirth Midwife, or even a husband who supported out of hospital birthing. To my husband, at the time, the idea of doing anything NOT hospital was just too forieghn. I wish I had made it easier for him to see how normal and natural it birthing outside an institution is.)

As I see it you have two options. You can either A) Arm yourself and prepare yourself as best you can for a hospital birth. or B) Educate your husband, research out of hospital birthing, and choose a HB or BC birth.

Convincing your husband that out of hospital birthing is safe and right for you may feel like an up hill battle. However, in my experience, having a hospital birth is certainly not the path of least resistance. If anything you've got a greater level of stress and opposition to deal with.

(Whichever path you choose I really wish you the safe, natural, and empowered birth you desire.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25,064 Posts
Have you ever seen your pet cat/dog/rabbit give birth?

They find a place in which they are comfortable.

You need to find a place in which you are comfortable, and obviously, you are not happy with this hospital.

I have a sneaking suspicion most women are not really comfortable with giving birth in a hospital.

They have been scared out of their minds by stories they have heard.

They simply know they can get drugs at the hospital, so most women go that way, so that at least they can forget the whole experience.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
253 Posts
just wanted to say that I saw you are in south fl- me too- we now have great free standing birthing centers in dade, broward and even palm beach county, they bill yourt insurance, they have md back up, etc. you can pm me with questions!

nak
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
25,599 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by applejuice
... but those hands are tied by the rules of the hospital in any kind of pinch.
I have a feeling the hospital and I are going to bump heads rather badly about my birth this time. I've already made up my mind that if I get too much pressure, I'm going to get up and threaten to walk out, no matter how much it hurts. If nothing else will make them toe the line, I suspect the threat of a labouring woman calling the local reporters from the street in front of the hospital would have an impact...

I'm having a VBA2C (I hope) and definitely prefer a hospital just in case something goes wrong...not to mention I couldn't find a midwife around here who was available. DH will be there, and we've talked about a lot of this stuff, so I know he'll back me when it comes to facing down doctors and nurses while in labour. They're not going to bully me into agreeing to things because I'm too weak to resist...not this time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,252 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thanks everyone. I am going to talk to my midwife, to see what her take on it is, and how much freedom she has at the hospital. I am also going to look into a local birth center to see if insurance can be used there, and if DH will find that acceptable. I know he isn't the one giving birth, but it is his baby too, I think I will get him to do some reading if I can about these things. I have lots of info (Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, Ina May's Guide to ChildBirth, etc) to help me out as well.

I also talked to a friend who did a hospital birth with hypnobirthing (I am taking her same hypnobirthing class and plan to use the doula that she used who teaches the class). She gave me some courage to take charge by telling me more about her birth story. The nurses kept telling her to worry about the baby's heart rate that went down during contractions (duh) and her doula told her not to worry about it, she also refused to put her feet up in the stirrups and just pushed the baby out before they tried to make her do it. So, I think I have more control over the situation than I thought I did.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,715 Posts
Your body. Your baby. Your decision.

That said, I agree with you that it's your dh's baby, too. You need to weigh which would be worse, having a birth in a hospital you're not comfortable in, or giving birth with a dh who isn't comfortable. It seems to me that either can interfere. Optimally, homebirth is best, but maybe the middle road of a birth center will work for both of you.

If you choose the hospital route, you should know that, as I said in the first line, it's your body, your baby, and your decision. You have the right to refuse things, you have the right to remove the monitors to get up to go to the bathroom (you may want to beep the nurses first and let them know that's what you're doing so they don't rush to your room). You can probably work out with your midwife how much monitoring you'll have to have - continuous monitoring can definitely interfere with your freedom of movement! Take a shower...a long one...the monitors don't work in there and it usually feels really good! Try to arrange for a heparin lock only, no IV...again, this will give you more freedom of movement. Follow your body, not what the nurses tell you. You have the right to labor and birth in the position of your choosing. (The nurses at the hospital where I birthed my second ds naturally had a fit when I wouldn't get off my hands and knees - and when I insisted that I was pushing whether or not they or the OB was present! I basically squatted on the bed and gave birth about 7 minutes after the OB walked into the room.) Hire a doula to advocate for you and support you.

I had my first in a hospital...it was a horrible, over-medicated vaginal birth of a baby who weighed over 3 pounds LESS than the u/s and the OB estimated and who was born blue-grey and lifeless. He had to be resuccitated and spend 3+ hours in Special Care. I had my second in a different hospital with a different OB because my dh was too scared after what happened with ds#1 to try a birth center or homebirth (he didn't see the reasoning that the reason ds#1's birth was so horrible was that it *was* a hospital birth
). I basically ignored the nurses, did my own thing, and had a wonderful natural birth (I arrived when I was in transition, so it wasn't long between my arrival and ds#2's birth). Dd was born in a midwife-run birth center (dh still was scared of homebirth and I heard MANY MANY wonderful things about the midwives and the birth center). This time I told dh point blank that this baby will be born at home. Period. Any hang-ups he has he needs to get over. I printed out some articles and statistics about homebirth and now he's excited about it. He had no idea that midwives are many times better trained than OBs, that they have all the equiptment and knowledge necessary, and that if something goes wrong, they can deal with it or get me safely to a hospital. He said if he'd known all that in the first place.....
 
1 - 20 of 26 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top