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there is no more reason for this thread. Thanks for all the help.
 

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Ohh... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I have a sister, too, and that would just break my heart <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
Did she come right out and tell you that's why she is choosing a c/s? I had one of each and I wouldn't wish a c/s on anyone. I hope she realizes that a c/s is no walk in the park.
 

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Perhaps suggest that she visit MDC's VBAC thread, or the c/s recovery thread here....or "lurk" on the ICAN mailing list for a while to see that a c/s does not mean "pain free"<br><br>
You're in a tough position (especially since it sounds like she has done a fair amount of work to arrange this choice) since you don't want to alienate her and since you probably want to support her and (eventually) her newborn despite how the babe arrives.<br><br>
But...maybe if she could speak with some women (either online or in person, perhaps an AP group or LLL grou) who have had c/s, just so she knows more about what is involved?<br><br>
You could also provide her with information about the c/s risks...nerve damage, bladder damage, possible adverse (and permanent) reactions to medication, etc? I realize her current care provider is offering this as a "service", but even ACOG is a bit shaky on the ethics of elective primary c/s. Ask her about future birth plans...does she want more children? A c/s raises your risks for a number of things in future pregnancies (UR can happen before labor, c/s can cause fertility problems, increased risk of placental problems, unexplained still birth, etc), and many care providers get very leery of mamas who have had three or more c/s.<br><br>
Maybe just provide the information and let her make a decision (so she doens't feel like you are pressuring her or trying to "force" her choice)...but she should know that a c/s doesn't mean "pain free"!
 

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I unfortunately <i>have</i> to have a csec this time-definately not my first choice! Maybe you should tell your sis that before she decides for sure, she should talk to someone that's had one. They can tell her how uncomfortable it was, how long the recovery was, etc. She may not realize that it's also painful. Maybe the thought of a drug-free vag delivery was too scary for her. I personally don't feel that way, but some people do, and you kind of have to respect their opinions, even if you know they are wrong or don't agree. Would she reconsider a vag birth with the option of an epidural? Maybe it would take some of the fear away and she'd decide to try that and opt out of the csec. Maybe there is too much pressure on her to do it a certain way?
 

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She isnt thinking about this now, but a c/s casts a long shadow. Future c/s ..fighting for vbacs if you realize you made a mistake...placenta accreta, possible secondary infertility. Not to mention the pain of recovery. And the pain from future recoveries where she will have a newborn plus older children to deal with. I just cant fathom choosing one for no reason especially when epidurals are available. My DS was in the NICU for 4 days because of the c-section and they wanted to put DD in till Dh fought them on it. It is very common for c/s babies to have breathing issues. I cannot tell you how devastating it is to be alone in your hospital room without your baby. Tell her that. Good luck.
 

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<div style="text-align:left;"><span style="font-size:large;"><span style="font-family:'Book Antiqua';"><span style="font-size:medium;">Uggh, how frustrating!! People don't get that elective c/s's are NOT painless for some people. I had to have a c/s with the twins and I had a vaginal birth with my first. I would take my 29 hour labor ANY day over the c/s. It sucked. And yeah, I had lots of pain.<br><br>
Has she talked to someone who's had a c/s before?<br><br>
I'm sorry, what a tough position. I hope she changes her mind.<br></span></span></span></div>
 

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A pp made a very good point. Many women don't realize that a c/s will affect ALL future births. I wonder if she's thought about this? It will continue to be an issue for all of her childbearing years <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>wombatclay</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7293077"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Perhaps suggest that she visit MDC's VBAC thread, or the c/s recovery thread here....or "lurk" on the ICAN mailing list for a while to see that a c/s does not mean "pain free"<br><br>
You're in a tough position (especially since it sounds like she has done a fair amount of work to arrange this choice) since you don't want to alienate her and since you probably want to support her and (eventually) her newborn despite how the babe arrives.<br><br>
But...maybe if she could speak with some women (either online or in person, perhaps an AP group or LLL grou) who have had c/s, just so she knows more about what is involved?<br><br>
You could also provide her with information about the c/s risks...nerve damage, bladder damage, possible adverse (and permanent) reactions to medication, etc? I realize her current care provider is offering this as a "service", but even ACOG is a bit shaky on the ethics of elective primary c/s. Ask her about future birth plans...does she want more children? A c/s raises your risks for a number of things in future pregnancies (UR can happen before labor, c/s can cause fertility problems, increased risk of placental problems, unexplained still birth, etc), and many care providers get very leery of mamas who have had three or more c/s.<br><br>
Maybe just provide the information and let her make a decision (so she doens't feel like you are pressuring her or trying to "force" her choice)...but she should know that a c/s doesn't mean "pain free"!</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap"> This would be a great post to print out, it shows the emotional and physical impact of having a csection. Definitely no walk in the park for sure.<br><br>
Why not have her read this and hopefully it will jump start a positive conversation.
 

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I have an idea.... offer to go to her hospital with her for a maternity tour. Tell them you want to see the post partum rooms. Make sure you hang around long enough to see one of the c-section moms holding onto the wall railing for dear life and she hobbles up and down the hallway hunched over in a vain attempt to keep her incision from causing her screaming pain. Your sister may change her mind about what's "pain free." My sister came to visit me after my c-s. She took one look at me and SWORE up and down she would never have children.
 

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Send her a birth video asap. Something like the one from Gentle Birth Choices, or what's that one with the Russian mamas giving birth in water? It's beautiful. Show her, don't just tell her, that birth doesn't have to be a hideous drama of horrific pain.
 

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Would she be convinced if she understood the risks to the baby?<br><br>
Laura
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I wish I couldn't imagine how horrible you're feeling right now.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I would probably try to talk her into an epidural vaginal birth over a c/s if at all possible. Not a fan of drugs, but that is still better and less risky than an elective c/s. If she gets comfy with that then maybe you'll be able to talk her out of the epi. There was a recent CNN article on the risks of c/s that would be good too, I'm sure if you search the forums you can find it.
 

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Oh, maybe you can compare with her the pain in recovery time. Convince her maybe to do a vaginal birth with pain relief. The recovery is so much easier and less pain involved in the long run. I know before I gave birth, I was afraid of excruciating pain that I thought would be coming from my genitals. It is now that I have given birth that I understand that, at least for me, contractions are the most painful part. But, she could just deal with contractions to get to 4cm and then take an epidural. Just talk with her some more to find out what parts she is afraid of and discuss ways she can work around it without an elective c-section.
 

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Has anyone explained to her the weeks and months of pain she is going to go through recovering from a c-section vs. the few hours of pain she will have during L&D?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>khaoskat</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7297750"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Has anyone explained to her the weeks and months of pain she is going to go through recovering from a c-section vs. the few hours of pain she will have during L&D?</div>
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Not picking on you at all, but perhaps she has talked to other moms who tell a far different story? Surely everyone realizes that the above statement simply is NOT true for every woman? And there's simply NO WAY to know for sure what kind of pain you'll have from EITHER type of delivery.<br><br>
To imply that women who deliver vaginally will ONLY experience 'a few hours' of pain during labor itself and little to no pain afterwards is simply not based in reality. Nor is it reality to imply that by having an elective c-section she'll be doomed to 'months' of painful recovery.<br><br>
I don't think the 'vaginal birth produces less pain' is the way to approach this at all because you simply cannot guarantee her less pain with a vaginal birth.<br><br>
I'd be curious to know what her reasoning is, but I'd be very gentle in my questions. It IS ultimately her decision, and whether or not I happen to agree with her decision is not the point. There is a way to educate someone without alienating them, and it's often a fine line that's hard to walk.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
I'm sorry.<br><br>
I have a much older sister, and she has had 2 c-s, both when I was a teenager. I didn't know anything about birth at the time, but going to visit her in the hospital and watching her lay there in pain with a morphine pump (or some kind of pain-killer on a button) was completely traumatizing for me. I remember she did not look like she enjoyed anything about her kids' births and she was very pale and just looked really ill. Scared me to death of birth! Our grandmother had had 3 children naturally and then she had a placental separation with the 4th and had a classical c-s with him -- she'd told my sister it was no big deal, and my sister kept saying, "I can't believe she thought that was no big deal!" (I guess my Oma was just happy that he was alive and that happiness superceded the pain.)<br><br>
Anyway, I'd be upset too.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Not picking on you at all, but perhaps she has talked to other moms who tell a far different story? Surely everyone realizes that the above statement simply is NOT true for every woman? And there's simply NO WAY to know for sure what kind of pain you'll have from EITHER type of delivery.</td>
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I hate to say it, but you are right. there is a woman in my office who had her first as a c/s and actively encourages all pregnant women she knows to have this done. she admits the pain the first day was horrifying - but she felt more or less recovered in a week and wouldn't have done it any other way. unfortunately, we simply wouldn't have a 30% national c/s rate if some moms weren't trumpeting the perceived benefits.<br><br>
Sounds like by info and example you and the women in your family have probably done everything possible. I would shift focus now and try to encourage breastfeeding and having the dad stay with the baby the entire time after the birth since mom will be unable...I so feel for you - if my sister did this i'd be sooooo floored!<br><br>
You can also hope for a super quick labor and descent where there just isn't time for a c!!
 

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how terribly sad for her and her baby that she doesnt realise how much more painful with so many more problems a csection is. she must be very afraid. It's so terrible to me that there is such a culture of fear when it comes to birth. people dont realise that the fear is making everything so much worse.
 
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