New, again....repairing damage

570 Views 4 Replies 4 Participants Last post by pranamama, Jun 10, 2005

DeChRi

Discussion Starter · Jun 8, 2005

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

It sounds like the past year has been difficult. I hope you find things easier.

Parenting is an ongoing relationship. Even when we make mistakes or do things, every moment is a new moment. You can choose this moment and every other to be as attached and connected as possible. It is a relationship so if things have happened and you're in "crisis" - you need to stay close, connect and do whatever you can consistently enough that the trust will be rebuilt. It can, it will take time.

Be gentle with yourself and your little one. We all make mistakes along the way. If you slip, move forward and work to make a better choice next time.

Time & consistency seem to be best in creating any real and lasting change in a relationship.
Hang in there. You're doing the best you can.

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meemee

· #3 · Jun 9, 2005

joanna if u can focus on the future - not the present. focus on how u want ur relationship to be say 15 years from now. and then look and see what u need to do to make things work. children are forgiving. and u have to keep trying. children can be v. cruel too because they are so honest.

focus on starting small. if it is neutral ground then so be it. be honest and do what u can. dont try to be supermom or someone u r not. kids see thru that.

my parents have made some really big mistakes while parenting and have paid a v. heavy price for that too. but the reason why i stayed in touch was because i knew that they genuinely loved me and thought what they were doing was in my best interest.

u know once u r ap u r ap for life. u cannot let it go. and ap doesnt mean cosleeping or any of the others. it is not a list as a wise mom pointed it out. it is meeting the needs of ur dd. if she needs space right now so be it.

the main thing is if u r determined nothing will fail. if u meet ur dd's needs nothing will fail. yes it will take a lot of tears and patience but one day u will taste the bitter sweet victory. be it just a pat in the back or a big bear hug.

if u feel u need someone to talk to - if u need counselling - seek it. take care of ur soul. u really need to to be able to be a true parent to ur child.

the fact u r here venting shows u r on the right path. u r concerned. u r an attentive parent. focus on the long term. u know i have this picture in my mind of my dd and me at a bar drinking and laughing. every time i have a bad moment i think i migth never have that moment ever and that always helps me. sometimes its just a picture of me and my adult dd lying in bed talking about our dreams and hopes. or giggling over her new bf. these pictures help me more than trying to figure out what kind of a mom i want to be. find ur picture and focus.

LJ's signature line says it all - move forward with courage, with confidence and u will succeed.

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DeChRi

Discussion Starter · #4 · Jun 10, 2005

Wow, thanks guys. I think that I will print those out and I will carry them with me, and read them when I need to ground myself during the day. TOday we went to the nature center, and had a great time. I took tomorrow off and we are just going to relax.

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