[snomnky]

I need advice desperately...

We brought our daughter home yesterday afternoon and my son is a mess. He will be 4 in July and had never been "shuffled" between relatives as he was while we were in the hospital (just 2 nights). He must have not sleep well and now he is severely exhausted. He can't control himself. Every time the baby cries he cries too.
He is refusing to nap and last night sat up in his bed for extended periods of time rubbing his lovey, I asked DH to take him out of our room and sleep in DS's bed with him. This did seem to keep him asleep.
I knew it would be tough, but I didn't anticipate him being so emotionally and physically exhausted.

If anyone has some advice I would be greatly interested.

 

[claras_mom]

Dd is older, but has still had some adjustments. First night she was acting out (quite) a bit and we all had a meltdown. Second night, I made a point of reconnecting with her, really intensely. We watched a video together (with her glued to my side), then I handed the baby to dh so I could give dd a "mommy bath" (meaning it's quick, but she has my full attention), then we read books and tucked in. She's very verbal, so that helps--we can talk through what she's feeling, so long as she hasn't reached total meltdown.

She's been out of sorts in not usual ways. I think that while her sister's crying doesn't wake her up, it does interrupt her sleep. So we're working to be very low-key and get everyone into bed earlier than usual.

 

[Surfer Rosa]

Congrats on your little girl!

It's an adjustment. I promise that every week will get better, but in the meantime, your son's world has been turned upside down. I found dealing with my DD much harder than dealing with a newborn. I'm not sure if that makes you feel better or worse, but I think it's pretty common for your older DC to have a hard time (especially if they've had you to themselves for 3+ yrs).

DD was 3 when I had my son, and was out of sorts at times. Try and find time for you and your son: reading books together while your DH changes the baby, or while you're nursing. Find jobs for your son: my DD felt like she was part of things when we asked her to fetch a dipe or choose an outfit for the baby. Sometimes we'd play the "Show the baby how a big kid does x, y, z..." and we focused on how she was a role model to the baby.

We found that my DH had to take over with my daughter and I was responsible for the baby. This included nighttime parenting as well (ie DH and DD were in DDs bed, and DS and I are in our bed. DD was waking up 10+ times a night, and waking up the baby, lol). DD dropped her nap around the time of my son' birth too, and tht was tough. While my DH was home, he'd stroll her outside so that at least she'd mellow out and get out of the house. Now she has "quiet time", which is usually watching a movie while I get stuff done around the house, or do stuff with the baby.

Are your parents, inlaws, or friends able to help out?

Good luck!

 

[alegna]

A new baby is an adjustment for everyone. Dd woke a little more than usual and needed us more also- and she wasn't shuffled anywhere- was right here with us the whole time (homebirth)

-Angela

 

[daniedb]

Once she is better rested, it will get better! I also found that DH intensifying his relationship with the older one(s) was very helpful. When we brought #2 home, DH was with #1 almost 24/7 for a while. It made the big guy feel so important and loved.

 

[NicaG]

My ds was about 3.5 when dd was born last fall. It is really hard, but the good news is that it gets much easier. The first weeks are such an adjustment for everybody, and overwhelming. I would suggest:

-can you spend a special hour with ds while dh minds the baby? Maybe you could do one of ds's favorite things or have a special food treat together? And lots of hugs and kisses.

-restore sleep/sleep schedules in any way possible. Maybe this means taking ds for a drive or long walk in the stroller for naptime. Maybe this means driving him to sleep at night and carrying him inside asleep. Maybe dh can sleep with him at night for a while. Life is much easier when everyone's well rested.

-try not to make a big deal about the baby when ds is around. Focus your attention on him, and don't tell him that you have to interrupt your time together with diaper changes and nursing.

-it's ok to watch a little extra tv during the transition. It's not forever. Sometimes a little tv mellows everybody out, and you can nurse or snooze a little while you cuddle with your ds.

Just take it one day at a time. It will get easier. Our dd is now 6 months old and the kids are so fond of each other. Good luck to you!

 

[indeospero]

Everyone has already given great advice about giving your son lots of love and reassuring him that all is well. I don't have much to add. But I did notice that you're sig says he is gluten-free, and you mentioned that he stayed with relatives while you were in the hospital? Is it possible there were some food indiscretions that may also be contributing to his response? Just crossed my mind and thought I'd mention it. Good luck, mama. It'll all work out.