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Hi all.<br><br><b>background</b><br>
Stbx and I have been together for 5 years, married for almost 3. We have 2 yr old b/g twins. He has always been verbally/economically/emotionally abusive but it has only been about 2 months since I have put a label on it. Prior to children, the episodes were only every few months. After the dc, it started happening more frequently. I wrote it off as him just being an uav, blaming my sleep depravation, stress of parenting young twins and his untreated depression. He would accuse me of favoring dd since she was a pound bigger and bf well. He would accuse me of not loving ds as much b/c he had issues bf and was smaller. Of course, I would get accused of favoring the other person if they were both crying and I made a choice to help one first.<br><br>
He quit his job at the end of February but is getting unemployment. The company was doing layoffs anyway, and he asked to be one of those laid off. He has no intention of getting a job and has been home pretty much 24/7. (except when he leaves to pursue his hobbies/interests) Since then, the abuse has escalated. There is a very brief, if any, honeymoon time. Every decision I make, minor or major, is held under a microscope, examined and I am belittled for everything. He calls me names. He says I misinterpret everything. He yells at me in front of the children. He has threatened to slap the sh** out of me, he has swerved the car with all of us in it and punched the steering wheel, he has thrown things in my general direction. I am blamed for dc having meltdowns. My hobbies and friends are made fun of. He refuses to participate in family activities. He makes frivolous purchases but I am given a lecture for spending $100 at the grocery store. I have been a sahm since I was pregnant. He says that I have done nothing to contribute to the house, I am not a good mother, don't do enough for/with the children. Etc. etc.<br><br><br>
Twice now he has turned this onto ds. Once, ds was having a meltdown in public. After we got to the car he yelled that ds was a pu*** b**** just like his mother. Mama bear came out and roared. Of course, no apologies or owning up to his fault. He turned that one back on me too. My fault for making ds too soft etc.<br><br><b>action</b><br>
First I went to the domestic violence center to speak to an advocate. She referred me to a lawyer and the family violence counseling center. I spoke w/ a legal aid and was not satisfied with her answers and did not retain counsel. I have had two individual counseling sessions and one group session. We're skipping this week and resuming next week.<br><br>
We were supposed to go on a family vacation to Alabama. B/c of the oil catastrophe, he went ahead (we were to meet friends there) and we stayed home. He will return sometime Sunday evening/night. I know that he will not return early as he is riding with some other people.<br><br>
I have begun packing my things. We are going to my parents house. My goal for this weekend is to get things moved into storage and my parents and hire a lawyer. I would like to get the divorce process started.<br><br><b>concerns</b><br>
1. I am worried about dc's time with their dad, especially ds. Stbx is an advocate of spanking and cio. Ds still wakes at night and needs his mama. Thinking of him crying all night or being degraded for whatever normal toddler behavior kills me. For example, ds has shown some interest in wearing underwear. Yesterday was his first day wearing them. He pooped in them. Stbx gave him a long lecture with a raised voice about how wrong it was to do that. Basically he has unrealistic expectations of a two year old. Always telling them they should know better.<br><br>
2. I am worried about him coming home, finding us gone and coming over to my parents. He has two guns and I will be taking them both with me. (one is in my name) We may go to a shelter Sunday evening for a few days but I am worried about this being hard on dc. They are very comfortable w/ my parents and their house.<br><br>
3. I am worried about shady characters that may come into contact with dc at their dad's. I know that is projecting far into the future, but stbx and I have a different outlook on how to protect our children.<br><br>
Thanks for listening. I look forward to the return of myself. I miss me. I am terrified of this whole process but I just can't live another 10 minutes with him.
Stbx and I have been together for 5 years, married for almost 3. We have 2 yr old b/g twins. He has always been verbally/economically/emotionally abusive but it has only been about 2 months since I have put a label on it. Prior to children, the episodes were only every few months. After the dc, it started happening more frequently. I wrote it off as him just being an uav, blaming my sleep depravation, stress of parenting young twins and his untreated depression. He would accuse me of favoring dd since she was a pound bigger and bf well. He would accuse me of not loving ds as much b/c he had issues bf and was smaller. Of course, I would get accused of favoring the other person if they were both crying and I made a choice to help one first.<br><br>
He quit his job at the end of February but is getting unemployment. The company was doing layoffs anyway, and he asked to be one of those laid off. He has no intention of getting a job and has been home pretty much 24/7. (except when he leaves to pursue his hobbies/interests) Since then, the abuse has escalated. There is a very brief, if any, honeymoon time. Every decision I make, minor or major, is held under a microscope, examined and I am belittled for everything. He calls me names. He says I misinterpret everything. He yells at me in front of the children. He has threatened to slap the sh** out of me, he has swerved the car with all of us in it and punched the steering wheel, he has thrown things in my general direction. I am blamed for dc having meltdowns. My hobbies and friends are made fun of. He refuses to participate in family activities. He makes frivolous purchases but I am given a lecture for spending $100 at the grocery store. I have been a sahm since I was pregnant. He says that I have done nothing to contribute to the house, I am not a good mother, don't do enough for/with the children. Etc. etc.<br><br><br>
Twice now he has turned this onto ds. Once, ds was having a meltdown in public. After we got to the car he yelled that ds was a pu*** b**** just like his mother. Mama bear came out and roared. Of course, no apologies or owning up to his fault. He turned that one back on me too. My fault for making ds too soft etc.<br><br><b>action</b><br>
First I went to the domestic violence center to speak to an advocate. She referred me to a lawyer and the family violence counseling center. I spoke w/ a legal aid and was not satisfied with her answers and did not retain counsel. I have had two individual counseling sessions and one group session. We're skipping this week and resuming next week.<br><br>
We were supposed to go on a family vacation to Alabama. B/c of the oil catastrophe, he went ahead (we were to meet friends there) and we stayed home. He will return sometime Sunday evening/night. I know that he will not return early as he is riding with some other people.<br><br>
I have begun packing my things. We are going to my parents house. My goal for this weekend is to get things moved into storage and my parents and hire a lawyer. I would like to get the divorce process started.<br><br><b>concerns</b><br>
1. I am worried about dc's time with their dad, especially ds. Stbx is an advocate of spanking and cio. Ds still wakes at night and needs his mama. Thinking of him crying all night or being degraded for whatever normal toddler behavior kills me. For example, ds has shown some interest in wearing underwear. Yesterday was his first day wearing them. He pooped in them. Stbx gave him a long lecture with a raised voice about how wrong it was to do that. Basically he has unrealistic expectations of a two year old. Always telling them they should know better.<br><br>
2. I am worried about him coming home, finding us gone and coming over to my parents. He has two guns and I will be taking them both with me. (one is in my name) We may go to a shelter Sunday evening for a few days but I am worried about this being hard on dc. They are very comfortable w/ my parents and their house.<br><br>
3. I am worried about shady characters that may come into contact with dc at their dad's. I know that is projecting far into the future, but stbx and I have a different outlook on how to protect our children.<br><br>
Thanks for listening. I look forward to the return of myself. I miss me. I am terrified of this whole process but I just can't live another 10 minutes with him.
