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No advice but had to leave you a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I'm sorry you feel sad. I think when it gets to the point where he just won't see the good in you, well.........<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat"> to you.
 

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I was in a similar situation. We had moved to a new state and I was very unhappy there. He became more abusive and disrespectful, and I finally left. We've both gone back and forth, though we have decided a divorce is for the best. DD has seen him once in 2.5 weeks since we left. Being in 2 states is tough. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I'm so sorry! I think you are doing what you can, and HE is the one who is not. He doesn't want his wife to live with him cause you will *make his life miserable*??? Those words right there would have made me run for a divorce! What kind of marriage does he expect to have not living together? I think you've done what you could, but when the other party is like this and is obviously not willing to compromise and, well not willing to live with you, then, I think you have your answer.<br>
We are here for you, to listen, give advise and to just *Be Here* for you. ((HUGS)) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat">
 

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Sending you hugs....<br>
It's a hard place to be in. Listen to your heart.<br>
Oh...and sexy is not about underwear <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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He's a depressed individual with serious self esteem issues. He's taking them out on you to make himself feel better.<br><br>
Check out a great book called "I don't want to talk about it" by Terrance Real.<br><br>
Start reading it, it's make your head spin.
 

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Why should you have to be the one always making the changes? He could use some reflection time, himself. The house being cleaned, underwear etc... are all very petty issues. I'm sorry you are going through this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat">
 

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I can relate. Same situation having a husband who is emotionally/verbally abusive. We just sold our house this week so I can go live on my own with my 2 girls. I signed the sale agreement sobbing - my dream is crumbling. Unfortuantely my counselor has been working with couples for two decades where the husband is either physically and/or emotionally abusive and she says that she has seen very few men that have it in them to really turn themselves around and rid themselves of the core issues that make them do it. Not that I want to man bash by any means. My husband seems pretty clearly to fit into the Narcissistic Personality Disorder category, although he has never been diagnosedby a professional. Go a Google search on it and see it he fits the MO. If he does run for the hills. He will never change and you will never ever be good enough. On a 180 degree angle the other thing to consider is the Dr. Laura route and the "The Care and Feeding of Husbands" philosophy from her book title that. Maybe treating him like a king and a wonderful husband and just catering to him a bit might make him really be that king or wonderful husband....<br><br>
Good luck to you. I will be a single Mum with a baby and a toddler on Dec 10th......devastated and confused.....<br><br>
Mum (I am from Down Under where we say Mum not MOM!) of Olivia Grace 2 1/2 and Kyra Simone 5 1/2 months.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I'm so sorry for your situation Sdietzle. I did Google it and although he has one or two of those traits-he doesn't fit the profile. Interesting though. He does seek perfectionism in things but I think the whole conflict in our relationship is over what he sees as laziness. The work ethic thing was overdrilled into him as a child (even his mom said she taught him to work too much) and that's the source of our problems. I quit work to stay home with our girls 11 years ago and that's when I see it really starting. I didn't work outside the house, so I should be wonder woman and have everything perfect all the time. One of my dear friends is convinced he's really the lazy one and resents me for being able to stay home and not "work" like he does. I've thought of returning to work just to make things work but one of my daughter's has special needs and I just can't see working all day and then coming home to help her for hours with homework and try to run the house at the same time. It's all I can do to keep up with the house and take care of my girls. I really would like to start my own business one day, but right now, it's just not a good time. I did real Dr. Laura's book and I found it to be .........interesting. I tried some of the techniques but when he met them with complaints about other stuff, I kind of lost my motivation. This thing is a 2 way street and I have been less than perfect myself. It's just hard to want to do for him when all he does is find fault with it. So I guess I gave up trying.
 

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my husband knew he could get away with more when I was dependent on him as a SAHM, I think it had less to do with me or what I was doing than it did with how much he could get away with. Please keep your work skills up to date in case you need them.
 

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just a suggestion - is there a way to leave him with the home responsibilites for a couple of days? sounds like he needs a wake up call!<br><br>
people who are not at home parents don't understand until they have to deal with it. it's not just him, it's society in general.<br><br>
Carole
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Good advice ladies-I did renew my teaching certificate last year although a return to teaching is not what I really want to do. However, it is there if I ever need it. I would love to leave him home alone but he travels all week and the weekends are not quite as much work as a weekday. He did have to do everything once upon a time when I got really sick with vertigo and was in bed for 2 weeks. He told me then that he didn't know how working moms did it. Of course that was when our kids were 3 and 6.
 
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