Mothering Forum banner

1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
296 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi there!<br><br>
Our homeschooling family moved down here last June. My DH and I are excitedly expecting our fifth baby next June! As wonderful as it is, I'm very unhappy that I've found out I cannot legally have my first MW-assisted home(water?)birth here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I've begun looking into unassisted, but my DH and I don't feel secure with that yet this time. I'd like to try one with assistance first. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
I've been posting on SK boards for 2.5yrs (since pregnant with my last baby) and several wonderful mamas who have either had a homebirth or are planning one have directed me to you. I've been in contact with my local ICAN, but not sure if that's the route for me since I've never had a C-sec?<br><br>
Just a little info...please excuse the rant...<br>
I'm seriously FED UP with the docs/"med professionals" around here! (And my DH is one at BJU...so I don't mean them all...just the ones who 'aid' in pregnancy/childbirth/childcare...). No offense to anyone, but I refuse to have anything to do with St. Anthony's anymore (nearby) and am now driving through crazy traffic to meet a new OB (recommended through our hs support group) through St. John's on Thurs. Five + clinics through St. Anthony's have majorly misinformed me, sent me for an ultrasound I didn't get to have (ordered wrong at a place where they apparently don't do OB patients - what? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">), cancelled on me twice, and refused to put my questions through (AND argued with me unprofessionally at a time when I really needed some answers) to the one OB I finally did find and like ok...still no homebirth that route, though. I'm so frustrated!<br><br>
I've heard of one male OB down here (not close to us) who does homebirths, but I'd really prefer a MW, I think. Through the grapevine, I think there are some...but I have no idea who they are or how to contact any? (I totally understand why - but as a pregnant mama getting close to trimester two (yippy!), it's still frustrating and stressful...)<br><br>
Can anyone help?<br><br>
~ M<br><br>
P.S. - I apologize in advance if these questions have been asked previously. I did a quick search and didn't see them and am trying to type while mommy-ing my tribe. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> I don't know much about this site yet, so don't feel secure leaving personal email right here at this time. Hoping there's PM? TIA!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
108 Posts
I was in your same situation and I searched unsuccesfully until my second trimester and ended up having a homebirth with my fourth baby at The Farm in Tennessee. Ina May found an OB in Missouri for me that did homebirth but she ended up being just as far away as The Farm (Columbia, I think) so I decide to just go to The Farm since I had the opportunity. I will say that I didn't know about MDC at that time so that might have been a help to me. Everyone always told me there were midwives here but they are underground, but no one was ever able to name one for me. It was extremely stressful and I wish you the best of luck. I will be checking this thread, do let me know if you find anyone in the area that does homebirth.<br>
Kristi
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
422 Posts
In the St. Louis area, Dr. Duhart is a doc who does hb, he is not an ob. As far as mw are concerned, the best way to find one is to consult FoMM rep for stl. I also know a mw not listed with FoMM who attended my hbac 9mos ago and was wonderful, so pm me if you need more help. Good luck, and don't give up, the hb care providers are out there, you just might have to work a little to find them.<br>
Katy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,416 Posts
Welcome<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
There are midwives around, they just have to fly under the radar. I had one for my planned homebirth in September (although I did end up transferring). St Anthony's is usually not very well liked, and St Johns, well, its kind of a baby factory and tends to be very medical. I have had really good luck at Missouri Baptist.....They didnt "know" I was a homebirth transfer, but I got the feeling they knew. I had no problems and everyone was great. I refused all baby meds with no issues. I had my first child there as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,724 Posts
The best thing to do is to come to a Friends of Missouri Midwives meeting.<br><br><a href="http://www.friendsofmomidwives.org" target="_blank">http://www.friendsofmomidwives.org</a>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,715 Posts
If you do decide to go the hospital route, I recommend Missouri Baptist. I had two babies there. The whole time I was there, I felt that the decisions that I wanted were actually my decisions. I was not pressured about medication. I was not frowned upon for declining antibiotics in her eyes or bypassing the hep B shot. I don't care for the ER at MO Bap, but I really liked the birthing nurses.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
429 Posts
I feel your pain. If you do end up going the hospital route, I just had a baby at Missouri Baptist. It was very good compared to my first (in a different state). My OB was Dr. Mormol and he was totally supportive of a completely natural birth. I didn't have to have a IV or hep lock or anything becuase he was so supportive even though the nurses wanted me to. He is cool with walking during labor, alternative pushing positions and pretty much lets you make the calls (unfortunately he didn't make my actual delivery becuase it happened so fast...but that's another story). He says he likes his patients to make their own decisions but tells a story where he had to draw the line when a father wanted to circ his own son <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: But anyway...I highly recommend him. His bedside manner isn't overly warm or sensitive but I think he makes up for it by plain respect for MY decisions in MY baby's birth.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
296 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
A big thanks to each of you who took the time to respond to me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I really appreciate your input! Lately, I've been feeling very discouraged and sorry that we moved down here (for many reasons, but the HB dilemma being a biggie). Thanks for your suggestions. I will certainly be looking into them.<br><br>
Also - can anyone tell me what all is involved with attending a FoMM meeting? I honestly have very little spare time these days. I'm always on the run as a busy "home"schooling mom. I also like to know what I'm walking into when I'm the newbie somewhere (it's been a hard year since moving here - I'm new everywhere and it gets stressful always feeling 'alone' and 'out of the loop' and 'lost' with no friends...if that makes sense...we're starting to settle now, so I'm trying to limit that issue/feeling some).<br><br>
Thanks, again!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
80 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KarmaJoy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9926334"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I feel your pain. If you do end up going the hospital route, I just had a baby at Missouri Baptist. It was very good compared to my first (in a different state). My OB was Dr. Mormol and he was totally supportive of a completely natural birth. I didn't have to have a IV or hep lock or anything becuase he was so supportive even though the nurses wanted me to. He is cool with walking during labor, alternative pushing positions and pretty much lets you make the calls (unfortunately he didn't make my actual delivery becuase it happened so fast...but that's another story). He says he likes his patients to make their own decisions but tells a story where he had to draw the line when a father wanted to circ his own son <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: But anyway...I highly recommend him. His bedside manner isn't overly warm or sensitive but I think he makes up for it by plain respect for MY decisions in MY baby's birth.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I could have written this post for my second birth. I had a completely natural birth at MO Bap with Dr. Mormol. #3 was supposed to be the same but ended up as an unplanned unassisted birth.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,473 Posts
While some people do get help from going to FOMM mtgs, FOMM does not necessarily keep up on the news and changes within the 'midwives group'...to put it very briefly and generally. FOMM is not very good, in my experience, with answering their email, even after a few tries. I know nothing really about who is in the group or what meetings are like--I'm only saying that while checking out FOMM is ONE good idea, I have to disagree with jessitron about it being the best idea. I'm thinking that the 'best' idea is to follow up on all the suggestions provided here.<br><br>
In illegal states, remember, there is no 'organizing or regulating factor'; the mws have to be hard to find and they have strong reasons not to be too outfront with anyone about their practice stats and such (tho really that's kind of a joke; I'm fairly certain all the mws I know of, are also 'known of' by the State, if not in great detail....and the State is just biding its time to pounce). So it can be hard to tell which mw might be best for you--even going on recommendations from a few people.<br><br>
NOw I do not claim to know every mw who practices in the STL area...but have met a handful of them personally in my own searches. And I can at least say that they are all fairly significantly different from each other in the ways they practice and the relationships they create with clients. I tell any family--meet as many as you can, and ask a LOT of questions. Make no assumptions about what the word 'midwife' means--ask these ladies what it means to them. Ask hard questions--and see how readily and comfortably they are able to answer. And when you get a recommendation from a family who has used a mw, find out if that family ever met, or used, any other mw--because it can be very easy to think a mw is wonderful *just for providing homebirth service*, if you are simply unaware of the alternatives or the existence of different standards of care!<br><br>
Anyway, I don't mean to make it sound too complicated...but the fact is, in IL and MO, it is NOT easy to find a midwife. It is very possible, but there are challenges involved in getting situated with a mw. If you are ready and willing to wade through a bit of thinking and phone calls and such, I have no doubt that you will find yourselves just the right assistant for you and your plans.<br><br>
I myself think that challenge is so worth it! I mean, way too bad that the politics is the way it is here--but at least those who really care have continued to keep some doors open. good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,724 Posts
FoMM meetings are held at the home of our St. Louis coordinator, Samanda. Babies are welcome, but we try to leave toddlers at home because they get loud when they get together. We sit around and snack and get updates about the latest developments in our attempts to legalize midwifery and our fundraisers for the same purpose. Then we have a conversation topic, something about birth or pregnancy or babies.<br><br>
First Tuesday of each month, 7 p.m. Email Samanda or me for directions. I know we get a ton of requests by phone and email of people trying to get in contact with a midwife. It's a lot easier to refer a person if they come to a meeting. It's also a nice chance to meet other area homebirthers.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
296 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thank you for your insights, Ms. Black. I realize they're not easy to find for a good reason. I just wish I were a more outgoing person who wasn't also new to the area. I'm overwhelmed! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
Thanks, Jessitron...that sounds great, but my husband works second shift M-F at Barnes. Being new, we have no babysitting options yet. I also have a toddler who needs to nurse to sleep. If you ever have a morning or Sat meeting, please PM me! I'd love to be able to make connections...I just can't make it on weekday evenings. Thanks!<br><br>
~ M, mama of four...and expecting one more!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
296 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Everyone always told me there were midwives here but they are underground, but no one was ever able to name one for me. It was extremely stressful and I wish you the best of luck.</td>
</tr></table></div>
Thanks, Kristimomof4! It's so nice to have someone else who understands where I'm coming from. After today, I just can't see myself trying yet another OB down here. I'm just sick over what I've dealt with both medically and "professionally"...and, as a result, even emotionally. Our options now are:<br><br>
1. For my DH to find a new job and we relocate to a friendlier birthing place (much easier said than done, though we are talking about it now)<br><br>
2. To stumble upon the right MW (feeling doubtful but not giving up all hope yet)<br><br>
OR<br><br>
3. I do this on my own and unassisted. I'm not very comfortable with that and never planned to even consider it, but honestly feel that it's safer than the OB/staff alternatives that I've experienced here so far. *shiver* (No offense to anyone, but those have been my personal experiences since moving down here.)<br><br>
I'm really glad all went well for you at The Farm...thanks for sharing your experience. That won't work for me, though. I'm guessing that leaving StL would be the best for us. Relocating is just so exhausting and stressful. We thought we were "home" moving here. (Guess I should have thought ahead about and researched having babies, but that's hindsight. I had no idea I'd encounter this! I loved my old OB (in my old town), but I could have had an "underground" MW referral in central IL through my local homeschool group if I had wanted/needed one. I have no real life connections or familiarity to any here. It stinks being new.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,724 Posts
Is there anyplace you can go, like your parents or something, to have the baby in a more midwife-friendly place? I know people here who do that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
296 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I thought of that, but my parents are pretty 'one-track' minded, my mom tends to be really overbearing when I give birth (don't want her overstepping DH again)...and they live in IL.<br><br>
Thanks for the idea, though! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I'm feeling much more hopeful today. Yesterday was just a really bad day (following another bad OB visit) and I'm sorry to say it was reflected in my posts. *blush*
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top