[Isaac's Mommy]

Hey There.......
I have a 10 month old son......I had a bad pregnancy, just either sick...or on bedrest....or tired....extremes constantly....I thought that was bad and then I went into labour...in the end I should have had a C section but there was no time, the cord was around his neck and forceps were used to basically rip me apart. I broke my tailbone and was so sore for months upon months....I finally started to feel better when he was about 8 months, then step in PPD. I am usually a very focused, even person. I woke up one day and would not let my husband go to work. I spent the next 3 days crying over nothing. I chalked it up to a change in my birth control pills and being tired. My son as perfect as he is, doesn't sleep and goes ALL day long....very active, very busy and demands alot of attention. After the 3 days of crying, I was fine....I was having some funny physical syptoms like shortness of breath and confusion, some mild panic attacks that I have never had before. Then the exact same time the next month, it happened again....not the crying, but extreme panicky feelings and depression I guess....I then started on my old birth control pills and it seemed to go away. I went to my Dr. and he suggested I start on effexor, he thinks I have low seretonin because of PPD and that it will go away. I don't think about hurting anyone, but sometimes I think my son and husband would be better off with a more "sane" mother around, like I feel defeated. I don't dare watch anything on tv about this cause I am scared I will end up really crazy. I have been on the meds now for a week and I don't see a huge difference, other than I have no desire to eat what so ever, and I also am feeling a little bit more depressed and anxious but I think that is because I am fighting so hard to get over this...I have never in my life wanted something so bad. I love my life....everything is so perfect and I have everything I have ever wanted....except I guess right now myself?
How long will this last? Will it go away? Any suggestions?????

Also has anyone ever taken Evening Primrose with meds? Or the Omega 3?
Thanks for everyones help....

 

[Faithsmom]

You need to give your meds time to work. They say that most meds take 4-6 weeks to take full effect. I know exactly how you feel. I went through this when my daughter was 6 months old. I didn't want my husband to go to work, I was crying all the time. I remember my daughter smiling at me and I would cry. "She's soo happy" I would say. Most mothers would smile back, not cry. That's when I knew I needed help. I went on Zoloft and went into talk therapy. This is not something I could get through on my own. Usually, I feel as if I'm a very strong woman, but I just could not do this on my own. You are in the right place. It took me a good 3-4 months until I started to feel like myself again. The old me was slowly emerging along this time. I had good days and bad. It was when I had more good days than bad that I actually felt that I was getting better. I saw "the light at the end of the tunnel" so to speak.
Right now, you need all the help you can get. If your husband is supportive, it will make a world of difference. You seem to be on the right path. Just give yourself time to heal. Hugs to you mama. If you ever need to talk you can PM me or email me.

 

[Jish]

First of all, have you had your thyroid checked? If not, have it done. The symptoms you describe can be thyroid related. It's really common for new moms to have thyroid issues.

For me, when I was having panic attacks and the shortness of breath it was so scary. I noticed that they would often peak around the time I was ovulating. I'm guessing that it had something to do with the chemical changes that occur each month. Unfortunately, mine kept getting worse and I was admitted to the hospital. At least you know what is wrong. I kept going to the doctor and checking my heart then telling me I was fine. But I knew I wasn't fine, and I was convinced that there was something wrong with my heart and they just weren't catching it. My doctor was a total putz. If she had actually listened to me, it would have been so easy to see what was wrong, but instead she would tell me that I was a hypochondriac. Nice, huh.

The first ssri I was put on was paxil. It made the depression and anxiety much worse. When I was hospitalized I was put on Lexapro as the ssri, and Ativan as an anti-anxiety med. I was on a low dose of the Ativan and only needed it for about a week. If you continue to feel worse on the med you are on now, talk to your doctor. That can happen, but can be remedied by changing medications as it did in my case. It can take up to 4 to 6 weeks to really feel a change from the meds, but getting worse really should be a concern to talk to your doctor about.

BTW, I was never "depressed" either. I was happy with my life and my family. My depression manifested in anxiety about my health and a fear of dying and leaving my family without me. Because so many of my symptoms were physical it was hard for me to see what was wrong until after the fact. I would definitely take some omega3's, add a good B complex because pregant and nursing moms tend to be b vitamin deficient (those with depression also tend to be low in b vitamins -- hmmmmm), add some zinc as it is supposed to help with anxiety. I'm not sure about the EPO.

If you want to hear my whole sorted story I'll be glad to pm you with it. Good luck, and know that it will get better, slowly, but it will happen.

 

[Isaac's Mommy]

I have had all the bloodwork done......I was sure it was my thyroid.....I was almost hoping it was to be honest, kinda easier to deal with......I did go out today and get some Omega 3 and some EPO.....I will add that slowly.....I haven't really ate much......I just went up to 75 mg yesterday......I wonder now if thats why my stomach is upset and I have no desire to eat, although when I am really stressed I can go days without eating.....IS there anything you say to yourself when unwanted thoughts cross your mind? Like a trigger statement or something? I have been saying, I am a good person and I deserve everything I have......stuff like that to push away all the other things that I obsess over that WILL never happen.......
Thanks Ladies for all your help......

 

[UC MOM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Isaac's Mommy I have had all the bloodwork done......I was sure it was my thyroid.....I was almost hoping it was to be honest, kinda easier to deal with......I did go out today and get some Omega 3 and some EPO.....I will add that slowly.....I haven't really ate much......I just went up to 75 mg yesterday......I wonder now if thats why my stomach is upset and I have no desire to eat, although when I am really stressed I can go days without eating.....IS there anything you say to yourself when unwanted thoughts cross your mind? Like a trigger statement or something? I have been saying, I am a good person and I deserve everything I have......stuff like that to push away all the other things that I obsess over that WILL never happen....... Thanks Ladies for all your help......

Issacs mommy,
many of the symptoms you are experiencing are typical of trauma victims. It sounds like your pregnancy and birth were traumatic. I also have suffered from trauma in a variety of situations and have struggled with suicidal ideation over the years.

I just went through a heightened time of processing out some traumatic memories and along with the memories came suicidal thoughts and feelings of just "wanting to leave". I journaled exactly what I was feeling, and then when I was really bad one night I confided in my sisters in an email. Then I shared it with a close friend. I knew that these people would not freak out and over react. It just felt good to share a little and acknowledge that something was hurting in my body and mind, enough that I wanted it to stop.

I can really understand those who get into drugs and alcohol to make feelings stop. The feelings I was having were not good and I felt overwhelmed. I didn't cave to the temptation to numb myself out with meds or drinking. Rather I just tried to be in the moment and trust that my body knew what it was doing.

One of the most helpful things for me to realize when all of this purging started was something I read in a book. The courage to heal workbook claims that when the body and mind perceive they are strong enough, that is when the panic and memories start to surface or bring up the trauma to be dealt with. My guess is that your body recognized that for you to start dealing with this right after the birth was too soon, you had a child to care for and during those first eight months you just needed to focus on things other than your own health.

Now that your baby is older, your body is attempting to move through the trauma and process it out. While it may be tempting to just simplistically tie all of your emotions to your thyroid gland, I think you would be better served to recognize that these symptoms are multidemensional and the physical assault on your body during the birth was extremely overwhelming. Drugs can have that numbing effect I described, but they will not fix the underlying problem of simply healing from the traumas experienced.

Just give your self time, and trust that over time you will have good days and bad. Having thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself does not mean that you are crazy, although Lord Knows, I understand how it can make you feel like you are going crazy. Facing those thoughts head on, acknowledging them as well as the hurts that are behind them have been the absolute best way that I have been able to deal with them.

I would also encourage you to check out a new book titled We are all in Shock. (You have to scroll down to read the book review.)
http://www.booksite.com/texis/script...le=0&assoc_id=

The author gives many self help techniques to use to help release the trauma that is lodged in the cells.

Good Luck! I hope you can make it through this difficult time!

jenny

 

[Felicitymom]

Hi... I totally agree with UC MOM... On another note the best sources of Essential Fatty Acid that I know of are Flax seed oil and EPO. My doc suggested Flax while I'm nursing. Also, Salmon and egg yolks are excellent.

Nancy