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new here, some ???

420 Views 2 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  Ayala Eilon
okay, so i am new to gd. i am really liking what i have changed so far, but need some help.

what form of (positive ?) discipline would you use if your dc poured a bucket of paint on the carpeted floor?

today at the library ds2 screamed and ran around the whole time. i was there to get a card and some books on gd, but we immediatly left when he started acting like that. before we got there i explained what we where doing and what behavior i wanted. did i do the right thing?

ds2 is constantly getting into the bathroom and pouring out shampoo and stuff on the carpet. i keep it up high, but he climbs. what should i do?

ds2 gets mad at his brother and pours out drinks/smears food on the floor.

ds2 takes his diaper off to poop on the floor.

he is the middle child, i try and give him as much attention as possible...but i also have a 7mo to take care

can you give me some tips on how to manage this?

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I am by no means an expert on GD, but I decided a little over a year ago to make some changes too. I am currently having some trouble with my son being violent and have contemplated buckling him into his booster seat/ time out chair, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.
I posted some similar questions to this message board a year ago, and probably the most helpful piece of advice I got was to really be there with my kid. To really play, and really lisen. Don't just be there physically. Another major change I made was to stop labeling my son. I still find this difficult, but when I discipline I don't tell him he's a 'bad' or 'good' boy. I had become used to looking at my son as a bad kid. Everyone told me he had problems. My Mom specifically actually asked me if I had considered getting him counseling since she had "never seen a child act that way." When I started to look at him for all his good qualities, and recognized that all he needed was some guidance everything started to go much better. We seemed to stop this cycle where he acted the way we expected him to act. When I started to expect him to behave differently he actually did. It's amazing how perceptive kids are.
As far as the things you mentioned, your son sounds much like mine was, and sometimes still is. I try to prevent as many conflicts as possible. Seriously, lock the shampoo in a locking cabinet. You can get one fron IKEA for 15 bucks. Pick your battles. I found that when I developed a new outlook, many of the things that used to bother me were not such a big deal after all. For example, my son was and is always playing with water. He is constantly making a mess at the bathroom sink. I draw a line when he starts dumpung water out cup after cup onto the floor, but up until that point I remove all electrical appliances, and provide the towels to clean up afterwards. A quick change of his shirt and we're good to go. Same goes for the bath. I used to get so angry when he splashed water all over the floor. Now I get his little sister out when he gets too excited, and leave him to it. He gets his pj's on and helps me clean up the mess.
Like your son, mine has a problem with poop. He is potty trained but sometimes poops his pants out of defiance or to get out of bed. It's awful, but I let him know that I am disapointed, and that poop is 'germy and will make us sick if we get it on our hands,' I then have him clean up as much as he can, and I help him with the rest.
As for public displays, I try to deal with the outburst for a few minutes, and try to give him a chance to compose himself, and if it ios obviously not going to happen then I leave.
Always make sure your kid is well rested and has a nice full tummy before you go out. I found that paying attention to his physical needs more closely made a huge difference. It sounds so obvious, but I didn't realize how much I was missing.
Good luck with your changes. I hope this has helped. Remember you will still have problems, some of them major, and you will feel like your kids are walking all over you, but then I come to this message board and usually find a post from someone who has a had a similar experience.
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I have four children so I have gone through this twice. By far the greatest help came from Aldort's book and tapes. Her tricks are so healing that the child actually returns to being peaceful. In her new book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (It is reviewed in the currnet Mothering issue) she has a chapter on jealousy, aggression, behavior. The themse is sprinkled through the book and also has a lot about general behavior of this kind in the chapter about the need for autonomy and power. I think it will give you the tools you are looking for. Good luck.
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