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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
first of all i wanted to say hi i am new to this board. i hope you all can help me figure a few things out

first, i dont know for sure who the father of my son is. i am hoping that it is one person more than the others for a number of reasons. 1. my mother thinks he is the only guy i have slept with and i dont wanna tell her the truth. 2. i am still in love with him despite how immature he really is.

now for why i feel guilty and my question. i feel guilty cause the guy i hope is that father is taking on some responsiblity... sorta. he came to the hospital (when the baby was like two or three days old) then he came down a when the baby was three weeks old. thing is i was on vacation. he didnt call before he came he just showed up then called my cell and asked where i was. i told him id be gone all week but that i would call him when i got back. well my son is now almost 2 months (on the 5th) and i tried calling him the other night (from my friends phone) he didnt answer (probably cause he hates my friend) and i didnt leave a message. the truth is i dont know if i want him to come back down. i am scared that i will fall in love with him all over again. also he is really immature and i dont want my son to get attached and have his heart broken the way i did. when his father and i were involved, he would always promise to come see me then an hour or so after he was supposed to be at my house (when i would start to get really worried that something happened and it wasnt just traffic) i would call him and he would be like oh sorry i got busy. i dont want my son to have to go through that with his father. another way he is really immature is how in love he is with his trucks. when he came down and say me in the hospital he showed me sixty some odd pictures of his and his buddies trucks. uh hello i just had a baby. what in the world do i want to see some stupid trucks for? i will admit it was kinda nice to see ONE pick of the truck he had been working on while we were dating just to see how it turned out, but sixty some odd trucks come on now. any who my question is do you think i should call him or just wait and see what happens when he get the childsupport papers? thanks for any advice or thoughts and sorry this is so long. i am just so confused!
 

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Well, all I have to say is that guilt never helps with anything, and you just need to follow your gut with this one. I know I wouldn't want to open a can of worms by going through all of the paternity tests, but you do want to know who should be paying CS, don't you? I'm sorry you are in this situation
 

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THe only advice I have for you is to try to step back and look at his relationahip to your ds as separate from your and his relationship.

I maybe
: here, but I also advise giving yourself sometime to heal before inviting this man back into your life. If he is the father, and if he is going to be an involved father he and your son have plenty of time to get to know one another and bond later down the road. You need to focus your attention on you and ds right now. Taking care of a small baby takes a lot of emotional energy, and dealing with the drama of an ex can really zap you and steal the time and energy that is better focused on you and your child.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
so i was thinking about calling him in a few days, but he called me this morning. i was shocked. he says that he is going to try to call again tonight, but may not be able to because i work until 9 30 and he needs to go to bed early because he has to get up no later than 5am for work. i think i am still in love with him but know i cant be with him. it s just so hard. oh well thats life... right?
 
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