Hello <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I'm new to this site and to motherhood. I have a 11 week old daughter. I'm cd'ing, bf'ing, and baby-wearing and loving it. I'm glad to find this site. I have a question though... how does everyone deal with other people finding your way of parenting odd or even harmful? Luckily my dh and I agree totally on how to raise our dd but both of our families have made comments and it's really hard to take. There is no support where I live. I have only seen 1 person NIP in the 20 years I've lived here and I've never seen anyone wear a sling or wrap or use cloth diapers. I kinda feel like a pioneer! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I know I should just ignore their comments or doubtful looks but it gets hard. Any advice? Thanks! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
New Here with a question
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Hey there! Welcome! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Welcome.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="welcome"><br><br>
The issue you raise is one that nearly everyone here has to deal with all the time! If we live where AP parenting is normal, our parents think it's weird, or if our parents think it's cool, our coworkers can't understand it, or our dhs think it's peculiar, etc. etc.<br><br>
Just keep in mind that with grandparents, no matter how closely your parenting conforms to what they did, they will have criticisms and advice.<br><br>
One thing that has worked for me has been to ask my mom and my MIL about the advice that they got from their moms and MILs, and how they felt about it. Generally this takes the focus off of what you are doing and gives you a better picture of how they experienced the advice of the older generation when they were new parents. My mom read Dr. Spock and therefore breastfed on demand, and her MIL (my grandma) thought she should bf on a schedule. My MIL faced opposition from her doctor when she started breastfeeding. (She is tough though and didn't stop! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">)They all got advice that they thought was out of date. Or, on the other side, they got advice they thought was helpful--my mom said nice things about her ILs (my dad's parents) and the ways they also supported her.<br><br>
I bet you can find support and like-minded people through La Leche League or a local Attachment Parenting International group.<br><br>
Link for Maryland, DC and Delaware LLL groups:<br><br><a href="http://www.lllofmd-de-dc.org/index.shtml" target="_blank">http://www.lllofmd-de-dc.org/index.shtml</a><br><br>
Link for local Maryland API groups:<br><br><a href="http://www.attachmentparenting.org/group/webmd.shtml" target="_blank">http://www.attachmentparenting.org/group/webmd.shtml</a>
The issue you raise is one that nearly everyone here has to deal with all the time! If we live where AP parenting is normal, our parents think it's weird, or if our parents think it's cool, our coworkers can't understand it, or our dhs think it's peculiar, etc. etc.<br><br>
Just keep in mind that with grandparents, no matter how closely your parenting conforms to what they did, they will have criticisms and advice.<br><br>
One thing that has worked for me has been to ask my mom and my MIL about the advice that they got from their moms and MILs, and how they felt about it. Generally this takes the focus off of what you are doing and gives you a better picture of how they experienced the advice of the older generation when they were new parents. My mom read Dr. Spock and therefore breastfed on demand, and her MIL (my grandma) thought she should bf on a schedule. My MIL faced opposition from her doctor when she started breastfeeding. (She is tough though and didn't stop! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">)They all got advice that they thought was out of date. Or, on the other side, they got advice they thought was helpful--my mom said nice things about her ILs (my dad's parents) and the ways they also supported her.<br><br>
I bet you can find support and like-minded people through La Leche League or a local Attachment Parenting International group.<br><br>
Link for Maryland, DC and Delaware LLL groups:<br><br><a href="http://www.lllofmd-de-dc.org/index.shtml" target="_blank">http://www.lllofmd-de-dc.org/index.shtml</a><br><br>
Link for local Maryland API groups:<br><br><a href="http://www.attachmentparenting.org/group/webmd.shtml" target="_blank">http://www.attachmentparenting.org/group/webmd.shtml</a>
I just ignore them. I live in the middle of nowhere and I *do* feel self-concious when I'm slinging DD or changing her cloth bum in public, but I don't let it stop me. Up until a few months ago, I'd never seen a sling before in real life. Nobody has actually said anything to me, but I do get a lot of stares - even people will stop and look at me for awhile. I hate it, but I ignore it. Sorry, I don't have any witty comebacks to any comments that people might make. lol
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Well for me I really don't get a lot of flack for most of our parenting...<br><br>
If I suspect it will be a hot topic (ie cosleeping) I just practice a don't ask, don't tell approach. I won't lie about where they are sleeping, but I don't offer up the info either. Most people assume our kids sleep in thier own rooms and I really don't do anything to change that assumption. If someone asks though I will tell.<br><br>
For cloth diapers, I really cannot understand why people get so negative about this?? If I run into someone that is negative about my use of cloth I would just tell them that a) I feel it's best for baby, b) I feel it's best for the enviroment and c) I think they are a lot cuter than sposies. I find most times people who express doubt about my diaper choice change their minds when they actually SEE the diapers. Most remember flats, pins and rubber pants...not the ultra cool stuff that is available today<br><br>
I still haven't come up with a good one for NIP. I tend to have to take DS someplace private because he is such a nosey little bub that if I were in "public" with him he would never eat.<br><br>
I guess basically I really don't feel that you need to justify your choices to anyone. You know in your gut that what you are doing is best for your baby. I learned with my first daughter that some people are going to just think I am weird and that no amount of arguement was going to change their mind. Now basically I do a don't ask don't tell, and if someone gets offensive to me I will cut them off.<br><br>
Congrats on your new babe and good for you for choosing such a good way to parent her...the results will totally be worth any flak you might receive <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
If I suspect it will be a hot topic (ie cosleeping) I just practice a don't ask, don't tell approach. I won't lie about where they are sleeping, but I don't offer up the info either. Most people assume our kids sleep in thier own rooms and I really don't do anything to change that assumption. If someone asks though I will tell.<br><br>
For cloth diapers, I really cannot understand why people get so negative about this?? If I run into someone that is negative about my use of cloth I would just tell them that a) I feel it's best for baby, b) I feel it's best for the enviroment and c) I think they are a lot cuter than sposies. I find most times people who express doubt about my diaper choice change their minds when they actually SEE the diapers. Most remember flats, pins and rubber pants...not the ultra cool stuff that is available today<br><br>
I still haven't come up with a good one for NIP. I tend to have to take DS someplace private because he is such a nosey little bub that if I were in "public" with him he would never eat.<br><br>
I guess basically I really don't feel that you need to justify your choices to anyone. You know in your gut that what you are doing is best for your baby. I learned with my first daughter that some people are going to just think I am weird and that no amount of arguement was going to change their mind. Now basically I do a don't ask don't tell, and if someone gets offensive to me I will cut them off.<br><br>
Congrats on your new babe and good for you for choosing such a good way to parent her...the results will totally be worth any flak you might receive <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
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12,302 Posts
I get alot of crap from my extended familt b/c they all "listen to everything their doctor tells them"<br>
I got founded, like I was doing something wrong when I was still bfding ds at 10 months and I should "get a second opionion about not starting solids at 4 months"<br><br>
It is hard b/c I was raised in what most people nowadays would call "alternative".<br><br>
For example, my mom exclusively breastfed all 5 of us, didn't stick us on solids for the first year, cloth diapered, homebirthed, didn't have pain meds for the 2 hospital births she had, and is very into nutritionand non processed foods, whereas the rest of her family did everything mainstream society deems "normal"<br><br>
So for me what I am doing is "the way I was taught" and my kids are better off and I can see that even now.<br>
Even if my grandma thinks dd is skinny, yeah she's slimmer than the average child b/c she's almost completely vegan, and that is her choice, not mine( she just doesn't like meat)<br>
Vegans and vegitarians are slimmer, and " No grandma there is nothing wrong with my son, he just hasn't had unhealthy, uncessary calorie formula like everyother baby you see. All the other babies are gonna grow up to have health problems"<br><br>
I think if you can find at least one person who shares the same views( I luckily enough have my mom), cling to them, and they will help support you, and it feels really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
I got founded, like I was doing something wrong when I was still bfding ds at 10 months and I should "get a second opionion about not starting solids at 4 months"<br><br>
It is hard b/c I was raised in what most people nowadays would call "alternative".<br><br>
For example, my mom exclusively breastfed all 5 of us, didn't stick us on solids for the first year, cloth diapered, homebirthed, didn't have pain meds for the 2 hospital births she had, and is very into nutritionand non processed foods, whereas the rest of her family did everything mainstream society deems "normal"<br><br>
So for me what I am doing is "the way I was taught" and my kids are better off and I can see that even now.<br>
Even if my grandma thinks dd is skinny, yeah she's slimmer than the average child b/c she's almost completely vegan, and that is her choice, not mine( she just doesn't like meat)<br>
Vegans and vegitarians are slimmer, and " No grandma there is nothing wrong with my son, he just hasn't had unhealthy, uncessary calorie formula like everyother baby you see. All the other babies are gonna grow up to have health problems"<br><br>
I think if you can find at least one person who shares the same views( I luckily enough have my mom), cling to them, and they will help support you, and it feels really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
Welcome - I'm sorry you don't have more support from your family. I hope the links other posters have provided help out. My Parents are on board with all of the chooices that we've made but my in-laws ( and random strangers) are annoying - it still gets to me but I know I'm doing what's best for my daughter so I try not to take it to heart.
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Welcome.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="welcome"><br><br>
I've been different for a long time, I just let comments and looks roll of my back. Life is too short to worry about what people outside of my inner circle think of me. Once in a while someone finds a way to get to me and I usually put the smack down with things like keeping cool and giving educated answers that leave them dumbfounded.<br><br>
Hope you enjoy your stay at mothering.
I've been different for a long time, I just let comments and looks roll of my back. Life is too short to worry about what people outside of my inner circle think of me. Once in a while someone finds a way to get to me and I usually put the smack down with things like keeping cool and giving educated answers that leave them dumbfounded.<br><br>
Hope you enjoy your stay at mothering.
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