First let me say that I understand your perspective of it just not being in the cards right now and your decision not to seek therapy due to child care complications. I have made that decision more than once, including choosing not to use a referral to a specialist for what could have been a serious condition because I didn't have convenient childcare. (This condition has not been a concern that I can tell, but if I could go back, I would have it looked into further. This was almost 10 years ago.) As far as I know, I've been unscathed -- but this condition is linked to a higher incidence of deep vein thrombosis, among other serious health risks. How on earth did I think that I was doing better by my kids by being with them 24/7 than by taking a few short hours away to make sure I would continue to be with them? Well, I did, and it's a valid choice, but may not be without consequence.<br><br>
However, I am also painfully aware that my unwillingness to get help for some serious conditions that affected my functioning (possible PTSD, anxiety, and depression -- therapy has helped, but the best therapy was getting away from and being safe from my abusive ex) DID affect how I mothered my children. It felt at the time that therapy was something that rich people did to make an already-good life even better, but now I can see that it was something that I really needed just to be moderately okay. Seeking therapy for trauma can be a part of putting our oxygen masks on so that we can care for others EVEN WHEN it may seem to take away from things that those others need from us in the shorter term. I have been checked out when I maybe could have been more present with the help of therapy and part of where I am now is struggling to reconnect and be more available to them now.<br><br>
And I don't know why these things still affect us. I broke down sobbing the other day over a miscarriage that happened in 2004. I was able to identify some of the reasons (it was a symbol of my marriage breaking down, I was so alone in feeling the loss and I was alone when the products of conception passed from my body, when I was not for my live births). It was not a hormonal-cycle related thing. I am content with my two living children (who are more than enough some days) and I do not grieve a previous miscarriage (which was earlier term and I had an amazing dream that brought me closure after that one) anymore. But there's clearly something unprocessed and unresolved there for me, even though it "should" be over with by now (as my friend who listened to me sob suggested -- gently, mind you, in the context of therapy possibly being helpful).<br><br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>crunchy_mommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15389500"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thank you all for the welcome & support!!<br><br>
I tried therapy after having what I guess was a mental breakdown once... I really liked the therapist & we 'clicked' and just as I was starting to be ready to really open up to her, she suddenly left (personal reasons that I never found out) and the new therapist they switched me to, well, I just didn't feel as comfortable with her. I did see her for quite a while but I just couldn't seem to bring myself to open up & share the details, I was just too embarassed & ashamed.<br><br>
Now my 15-month-old won't stay with anyone else for even 5 minutes (no, not even DH) and he understands too much to have him be in the room for counseling, so I'm afraid it's just not in the cards right now. :-/ I'm just not really sure WHAT to do at this point except try to hold it all together & go on as normal.</div>
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