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Discussion Starter #1
Can we start a club? I feel so lost and w/o support even though I have a loving supportive DH. My son is a crier...he is not a sleeper and I'm losing my mind. I come here to the Family Bed/Nighttome Parenting for support, I read books all the time, I've joined some mom groups but I'm still lost on what to do.<br><br>
I don't know if we would have to move to Finding Your Tribe but is there anyone else who finds themselves in that scary place on the brink of insanity?<br><br>
BTW my son is almost 5m old...
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> behind you here, 7 wks old. but she will not sleep unless she's on me, she's got reflux so I have to keep her angled. Doesn't like the sling or the pouch.<br>
She wants to nurse 24/7 if I carry her on my shoulder she will literally squirm into nursing position from my shoulder and srat trying to suck through my clothes. some days and every night between 9pm and 1 am, she wants nothing but to nurse, but she acts like she's at war with my nipples <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
What does your son sleep in? crib, your bed? how long does he sleep? naps at all? ever?
 

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HERE! HERE! HERE!!<br><br>
Yesterday tried taking a shower with him in a swing and he could see and hear me... Boy, what a desaster that was. It was 2 minutes out of my arms and he screamed as if I was trying to cut off his leg.<br><br>
I hear you about losing your mind, I get so envious when I see other mums go out for a stroll, baby sleeping quietly in the carseat...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br>
Not my baby<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> going to the store is a race against time, until he starts screaming.<br><br>
DS is 8 weeks old and woah, we seem to have the same types of baby.
 

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yep! my son is 11 months old now so its much better...but..<br>
the first 3 months, i was realizing he had reflux and food intoleracnes, and doctors were just telling me he was colicky and that i just had to wait it out. well, i refused to just sit back and watch my baby be in pain 24/7. at 3.5 months he finally went on prevacid but it wasnt until 5 months when we realized he had even more food intolerances...so when we treated those two things it got MUCH better. i finally had the happy baby i had always thought about. anyway, i am just encourging other moms to really investigate the cause for having a "high needs baby" . i think too many doctors brush it off as nothing or "colic" and in the meantime babies suffer needlessly, and health issues can really escalate (reflux can damage the esophogus and lead the pre cancerous cells and feeding aversions and food intolerances can really damage the Gi tract)
 

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Discussion Starter #5
My son has reflux too...or does he? He was basically Dx here and I went to the Dr and siad I think my son has reflux and she didn't question me or anything just gave me a Rx...needless to say I am switching Peds as we speak b/c I never liked this group...I got a good recommendation today...we are going to a Ped Gastro and also to an Allergist to see what might be the cause of this cyring and lack of sleep...<br><br>
He sleeps in our king sized bed, although as of lately he's in there w/just my DH as I need a break and have been sleeping on the couch...we are trying to get him into his crib or even his cradle which is bedside but he just doesn't want to sleep anywhere...<br><br>
He won't sleep in any of my carriers as I am lucky to get him in there for longer than 15 min anyway...<br><br>
His naps suck! They are short and take forever to get him to take one...I just don't believe it normal for a child to catnap...it just doesn't seem healthy...<br><br>
I feel like I have been studying him so closely that I've lost sight of what I see...I no longer feel like I understand what his needs are...my friend says it is like looking at a Monet...you get too close and it is all blurry...<br><br>
I feel like he is instituting his own CIO...I can be holding him, laying next to him, rocking him, bouncing him strolling him and he will scream bloody murder for hours...<br><br>
I feel rotten and defeated and guilty for my thoughts...I call my DH at work all the time begging him to come b/c by 6pm I'm at my limit...<br><br>
I'm having a bad day. Sorry you have to join this club!
 

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I'm in. Ds will be 5 months old tomorrow and he has been fussy/high-needs since birth. Basically, he's upset unless I'm actively trying to calm him. He nurses all day and night, there's no sleep around here. He also naps no more than 1 or 2 hours a day. Everyone said it would get better at 3 months and it didn't. I feel like he gets worse everyday actually. I have never been able to put him down for more than 5-10 minutes but he used to sleep longer stretches at night. I see other moms pushing their babies in strollers while they suck on pacis and stare into space and here I am wrestling my guy in my arms while he screams his head off and bobs on my shoulder. Lately I feel like I am sinking, I even prepared a formula bottle today (we're exclusively BFing) in the hopes it would put him to sleep. I didn't give it to him, I nursed him to sleep instead and then sat down and cried for half an hour. You are not alone.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>stacyann21</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7964024"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm in. Ds will be 5 months old tomorrow and he has been fussy/high-needs since birth. Basically, he's upset unless I'm actively trying to calm him. He nurses all day and night, there's no sleep around here. He also naps no more than 1 or 2 hours a day. Everyone said it would get better at 3 months and it didn't. I feel like he gets worse everyday actually. I have never been able to put him down for more than 5-10 minutes but he used to sleep longer stretches at night. I see other moms pushing their babies in strollers while they suck on pacis and stare into space and here I am wrestling my guy in my arms while he screams his head off and bobs on my shoulder. Lately I feel like I am sinking, I even prepared a formula bottle today (we're exclusively BFing) in the hopes it would put him to sleep. I didn't give it to him, I nursed him to sleep instead and then sat down and cried for half an hour. You are not alone.</div>
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OH WOW! Sounds like my DD<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br>
For us, things got 95% better once she was about 6 or 7 months old & is more independent ... playing with toys, walker, crawling and pulling up by 8 months. I just dont think she liked being a baby<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br>
HUGS to everyone! It's draining I know but it will get better <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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You poor moms.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
My baby was really high needs/cranky for a while until I cut out some foods (peanuts, shellfish, veggies like broccoli, onions, and peppers) and she is all around happier and less gassy.<br><br>
I'm sure you've tried all kinds of things to calm him down, so here are just a few ideas. Does he like to be swaddled? Most nights I spend a couple of hours walking with my baby in her sling to avoid the crankies. She loves being close to me. Does he get really angry before he fills a diaper? Maybe you could look into Elimination Communication. Does he like swinging or bouncing? Have you tried a jumping device for him like a Johnny Jump-Up? Lastly, do you have any friends or baby sitters who can come and just let you breathe for a while? DH is always working and usually doesn't get home until DD has been asleep for a few hours. So I hired a young teacher to come for two hour stretches twice a week to give me a break.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Just so you know formula doesn't work as a sleep agent...I started weaning around 10w b/c of severe BF problems and gave up the 3am feeding and noon feeding and had switched to formula...things got better and I stopped weaning but never took back the 3am feeding b/c it is the only break I get from DS...it does nothing to make him sleep longer...he still gets up 2-3 hours later to BF again...<br><br>
And yes I have sever guilt over that one daily bottle of formula but getting that one cluster of un interrupted sleep is what gets me through the moments when I just want squish him at his most cranky moments...<br><br>
I just never thought there would be so many "I hate me" moments in motherhood. When he is so needy and crying I find myself deteriorating and losing my patience and getting so frustrated I just hate myself sometimes for being frustrated w/him...it is not his fault...<br><br>
I try singing to him, You are my sunshine usually calms him down...but when it doesn't I've sung my own version of mary had a little lamb..."I just wish you'd shush it up shush it shush it up I just wish you'd shush it up so we can have some peace...<br><br>
Yeah thats the song of good mother!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
Then of course shortly after his tirade he will look up at me and smile and giggle and I just want to disappear for being so rotten.<br><br>
How is you can love someone so much that it hurts but sometimes be so overwhelmed that you feel resentful and then guilty for feeling that way.<br><br>
I knew motherhood would be difficult but I didn't know it would make me feel these feelings so often...<br><br>
This is not what was advertised in all those Johnson & Johnson commercials! Where's my smiling happy easy to put to bed baby?! Mines just cute...he's missing certain ingredients.<br><br>
Needless to say I don't think I'm getting any cards for mothers day this year.
 

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All hail mothers of high needs infants!! Thanks for these posts. It is nice to know that my son is not the only one out there. I have been going to this workshop on connecting with your child through love, laughter and language. I was crying to my mother yesterday that I have to sit through this workshop and look at these other babes sitting quietly in their mother's arms while mine is either squirming to get out my arms, crying to get into my arms, crying because he's tired, crying because he doesn't want to have "special moments" with me, as the instructors want us to do, but instead be out investigating what the other babies are doing....and so on. OH MY GOD! He is such a bright, adorable and highly sociable baby but there are times when i just want to buy that one way ticket to Mexico (I'd come back when he's about 4??)<br>
Well, it is 6 in the morning and I have been up since 4 because he will not sleep unless he is nursing and cuddled in my arms...which then means i can't sleep.<br>
Thanks again ladies for this thread...let's keep it going.<br><br>
One tired mama!!!!
 

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My ds is a baby only for the seasoned Momma. He is my 4th and i couldn't imagine having him 1st. He is 7.5 months and I swear he was a growth for the first 3 months - I constantly wore him - and it took me buying 4 carrying devices to find one HE liked. He only sleeps ON me with my breast in his mouth - uhh - still - and Well, my Prince is now having separation anxiety a whole other high needs thing... But! Oh when he smiles at me and 'talks' to me, I am in total love and it is ALL worth it!<br>
I will say I think his brain worked faster than his body and it frustrated him.<br>
It will get better, and as we all know, we are blessed!
 

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Discussion Starter #12
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MomofMihtig</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7966433"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks again ladies for this thread...let's keep it going.</div>
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I'm all for keeping this thread so we have a refuge...plus I will at least MomofMihtig to chat with when we are up at all hours...Well it was nice to "meet" you all...we'll chat soon
 

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Count me in.<br><br>
He is SO ON all the time, everything is SOOOO interesting. I also think he'll be happier when he can do more & communicate better. He is really into his hands right now, he'd rather play with & eat his hands than go to sleep...<br><br>
He's almost 6 months old , but was a 32 week preemie, so he's basically 4 m.o.
 

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Awe, the memories!! My oldest was JUST LIKE THIS!!<br><br>
In fact, when he was 5 months old, I didn't realize that we had had a big earthquake!! I thought I was just still dizzy from lack of sleep!!<br><br>
We later discovered LOTS of food allergies, and environmental allergies. He also did better with one nap a day than 2 naps a day like most kids take (2-3 hours of peace vs. 2 20 minute naps). He probably had silent reflux too, but we never thought of that.<br><br>
He also LOVED the vacuum, so I would wear him and vacuum to get him to sleep (I had a clean house for awhile, sigh).<br><br>
He also hated to be a baby! He always is doing things he isn't physically ready to do, and then gets really mad when he can't manage it.<br><br>
The good news: He finally started sleeping through the night at. .. . age 5 1/2 years old <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: . He is really smart and self motivated and confidant. But he still makes me very tired!!<br><br>
He made the twins fell easy, seriously.
 

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Can I join? My second daughter is 11 mos old, and is sooooooo high needs. My first was the total opposite - happy as could be all the time (and I knew I was lucky), but my gosh, this second child is really testing everything that I've got. She also has tons of food intolerances, and we're working through all that with elimination and rotation diets, probiotics, and enzymes, and I'm really hopeful we're going to have a breakthrough soon.<br><br>
My DD is soooooo squirmy - she wants to be held, but it is almost impossible to keep her in your arms. After 10 minutes of holding her I feel like I've had an intensive workout. What is that about ?????? She also HATES, HATES, HATES being laid on her back for a diaper change (she cries like you are severing a limb). I can usually change her while she's standing, but when it's a poopy diaper, it's a nightmare. I've just recently started wondering if this could be a transition/sensory ingtegration type thing. Anyone have any thoughts?<br><br>
Thanks for starting this thread - this experience of mothering a high needs child has been such an humbling, frustrating, haning-on type experience for me. I actually felt like a pretty good mom with my first, but now I feel like I'm barely making it. It is a really good thing she's so darn cute -
 

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Yeah, your high-maintenance kids teach you very early on that they have a very strong personality, right from the first minute. My DS was louder than every other newborn- even the first night after being born- all the other babies sleep the typical deadlike-coma sleep- not mine, noooo way. All the other mommies could sleep after giving birth, not me... I was holding right himthen and there, if I moved- he would scream.<br><br>
Now THAT was a picture. I just gave birh- and guess who was recovering?? My hubby was sleeping exhausted on the chair- I was up holding DS.<br><br>
Another mum told me, boy, I always thought my first one was so "good and happy" because of my good mothering- but now the second is teaching her, no, she was just lucky with number one...
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
You mommas are heroes!<br><br>
I only have one bit of advice to suggest because I saw it work with a friend of mine's high need babe. Turned out her daughter was quite sensitive to dairy and chocolate and once my friend cut out those two, her DD calmed down a lot.<br><br>
And if I could give each of you a medal and few hours to yourself to do whatever you need to do, I so totally would!
 

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I belong in this club. OMG.<br><br>
I have to say that my 9-month-old is getting so much better now. She no longer screams if I take her anywhere out of the house. She used to be so easily overstimulated. In fact, the tables have turned-- now she has to get out everyday, or she gives me heck because she's bored.<br><br>
The first few months were so hard. She was colicky and cried pretty much the whole time she was awake. It did turn out that she had a dairy sensitivity through my breastmilk, but she was probably around 4-5 months before she stopped crying all the time. Only now, at 9 months, can I actually take her anywhere with me, and not worry about her freaking out. I can hardly remember the first months-- it's a daze. I just remember being in tears a lot of the time.<br><br>
I remember, too, seeing infants being carried around in stores or in their little seats, thinking "I thought this was what babies are supposed to do. Why won't mine do it?"<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cdahlgrd</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7969593"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">He also hated to be a baby! He always is doing things he isn't physically ready to do, and then gets really mad when he can't manage it.</div>
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That's like my girl. The pediatrician even said that she's going to be the type to try to do before she can do. (This was in the office, and C was trying to let go of my hands and walk-- the kid can't even crawl yet, and has no desire to!)<br><br>
Now she just wants me to walk her around the house all day. She won't sit there and play like a NORMAL baby, and she gets too frustrated and mad when she tries to crawl. If I leave her for two seconds she throws a tantrum. But that's another story...
 

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Hang in there, it does get a bit easier in time. My dd is now 18 months old. I never met a baby like her before! She would scream like she was being tortured if I tried to put her down for just a second to go pee or get a drink. Then it would take 1/2 an hour to get her calmed down. She wasn't happy to be just held, I had to be standing and walking for her to be quiet. She wouldn't go in a sling until she was over 8 months old. She slept horrible. It was so rough!<br><br>
Now at 18 months, I only have to hold her about 75% of the day. Its so much easier now that she can run and climb. Sometimes she will go 1/2 an hour without being held! (rarely, though) I don't have to walk her to keep her quiet anymore, either. She sleeps better now, but still has to be touching me or she wakes up.<br><br>
Hang in there. It does get easier. Once they can crawl, you may get your arms back for 5 minutes a day!
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">She would scream like she was being tortured if I tried to put her down for just a second to go pee or get a drink. Then it would take 1/2 an hour to get her calmed down. She wasn't happy to be just held, I had to be standing and walking for her to be quiet. She wouldn't go in a sling until she was over 8 months old. She slept horrible. It was so rough!</td>
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I hear you on all of that!
 
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