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new mother *updated* M/C

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Hi \
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I would definately recommend Dr. Sears for your sister, he has all the right info you want to share and the doctor thing will make her more open to it. I would also reccomend a book of birth stories , I have one called Labor Day: Shared Experiences from the Delivery Room. It is a commpolation of birth stories, hospital , home, midwives, ect. I think it gives a good view of all the ways women choose to birth and may provide a good jumping off point.
I love sharing info with newly pregnent women, esp. those who haven't been exposed to the idea of going natural.

Robyn :bf mama to Raven 6 1/2 Dakota 4 and Zebulon 5 weeks
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dr sears is definitely a good starting point. i haven't read his pregnancy book, but his birth and bfing books are great. they pretty much say what a lot of my crunchier books say, but very simple to read and clearly written. i give out his bfing book to everyone i know.
Any other ideas? BTW, thanks mamas~
Sears' "The Baby Book" is a great introduction to AP, I think, speaking as a new mom myself (although already AP inclined). He presents everything so matter-of-factly, she can't help but be won over!
i think all the Dr. Sears books are a good place to start. I know I was very "mainstream" before his birth. I recieved Sears AP book after he was born.(a couple of days) I didn't open right away. I started letting ds sleep with us on night 3 and everyone told me I was nuts. It felt right to me though. After a week I opened the AP book and felt totally validated. I wished I had read it before. I don't think it would have changed my "mainstreamed" mind set before he was born but afterwards I wouldn't have spent that first week or so thinking I was doing something wrong. I think I would have gone, "oh so that's what he was talking about." Hope that helps.
Updated OP. Please help
Im so sorry for your sisters loss.
I wanted to tell you that on the pregnancy loss forum there are several threads specifically giving suggestions on how to help family and friends after a loss. Maybe they can help you some?
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I'm so sorry. I've been there and it devastated us. Listen. Obviously this baby was loved and very much wanted, so don't respond in the traditional way to m/c. Pray for them, and I can't recall anything that I've read about trying again....
I'd say Empy Arms (Vredevelt). Since they are trying again and we waited I'm not sure what support there is for that in that book. The best thing you can do is pray for they're emotional healing and for the child that is to come. It was hard ttc again. In retrospect, it only too four months, however that fourth month was really hard and I was thankful I didn't have to go into a fifth, etc. I pray also, for your sister and bil's healing and that God would bless them wth a child to fill their empty arms soon.
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It's so sweet of you to be thinking of her and I'm so sorry for her, I really do feel her pain because it's terrible. There is so much emotion behind a first pregnancy and losing that pregnancy is incredibly difficult. I lost mine at 10 weeks and I swear some days I thought I might never recover, even now I am getting tears in my eyes just thinking of it...

So my suggestion is to just be there for her, listen to her and follow her lead. Tell her you are sorry, tell her you love her.

Don't tell happens, there was something wrong with the baby, this is a blessing in disguise, you'll get pregnant again, at never knew the baby/held the baby/saw the baby/you know you can get pregnant...etc.

Try and remember that certain days will be harder for her...the day she lost the baby, the day the baby was due, mother's day, christmas, baby showers, birthday parties, etc.

Everyone is different, but I couldn't handle babies for quite a showers, baptisms, birthday parties, even seeing happy healthy kids running around would make me want to curl up and cry for quite a while. I pretty well avoided all of it for a long time, even after I was pregnant again...

Big hugs to your sister
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THanks for the support!!
I lost a baby in early pregnancy too.
to you and your sister. I just wanted to repeat what some other posters have said: I didn't like hearing that it was God's will (I'm not religious, so that was not a comfort), that there was something wrong with *my child* so it was for the best, that we could try again (I wanted that baby!), that it wasn't really a baby yet (oh yes it was), etc. etc.

One thing stuck out to me in your post- that you were trying to think about it in terms of how it could be worse. Definitely don't say that to your sister and her husband!!! I know you're just wanting to take some of their pain away, but to them that will probably sound like you are minimizing their loss.

It's probably best if you just listen, listen, listen when she wants to talk, even if she keeps saying the same thing over and over. You don't have to say much, other than that you love her and you're so sad for her. Cry with her if you feel like it- she will know that you understand her pain and that you wanted this baby in the family too.
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