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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, so lastnight after I had taken my first zoloft pill, dh says that he isn't going to pay for it. I am a sahm. He says that it is all in my head and then he emailed me a letter with links to advice on just anxiety. He thinks I don't have ppd, just anxiety and that I shouldn't take the meds, I should just go to counseling. He will pay for counseling. This coming from a guy who is mean to his body every day. He smokes. He will pay for that. Sorry that is off topic. He also doesn't believe in depression. Though he has it. Help me ladies. I already feel bad enough because I am taking it while bfing, now I can't even take it. I just want to feel better. I want to be ok again and not worrying all the time. Help me convince him. Is there anything that I can take instead?
 

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Anxiety is a part of depression! That's how my PPD first manifested itself. Sure, counseling can be very helpful. However, many folks often need both at first in order to help them get started in the right direction. I can't think of where to get more info right now, but frankly it just sounds like he's being a controlling a**. (Sorry, if that offends, I pretty honest with those sorts of things!)<br><br>
Hugs,<br>
L
 

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Wow. I'm so sorry for you. I know how hard it is to have people in your life who don't understand depression. It must be so hard with someone as close to you as your husband. As for him not understanding: try working on your communication with him. My father didn't understand my depression and we had a bad relationship for years because of it. Finally, I had the opporunity to sit down and <i>really</i> talk to him about how I feel, how it affects my life, etc. We had an honest talk and it really helped him understand. It's hard, in marriage, to keep that honest communication going. Your husband needs to understand how you really feel and how it is affecting you.<br><br>
And on a harsher note: I'm sorry, but he needs to gain some respect for his wife. Refusing to pay for medicine for you? that's awful. To me, this is what feminism is really about...he has no right to control you just because you're a SAHM. He should be so thankful that you are staying home and caring for your children, not taking advantage of your situation and controlling you like that. I would never put up with that.<br><br>
As for something else you can take: I take St. John's Wort. I won't say it makes me 100% better, but it "takes the edge off" the depression for me. Of course, consult your doctor first.
 

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Wow, if I were not in California, I'd put on some steel-toed boots and make a visit...<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TypicalSituation</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Is there anything that I can take instead?</div>
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Help us understand your depressed husband's state of mind and what would be acceptable "for him to pay for."<br><br>
There is a good amino acid therapy that saved me -- I post about it around here all the time. Search for my username and the term "amino acids" and you'll get more than I can remember right now. You could have the bloodwork and if you are low, he would see that you need supplementation. It's not cheap, but it's not that much more than his cigarette habit. (At least not out here in California)<br><br>
There are many other things we can recommend but so much of it is trial and error and I would hate for you to get jammed up longer.<br><br>
But you can start today taking these things (and you should on meds too): a low vitamin cod liver oil like Nordic Naturals. Take about 4 grams of DHA+EPA/day. 1 g = 1000 mg. Check the label. Your breastmilk will be better and this is therapeutic for depression.<br><br>
Get a good B vitamin supplement, preferably a sublingual or nasal preparation. Ask for these at a good health food store. Don't rely on what's in your prenatal.<br><br>
I haven't met anyone who didn't need these two and they are implicated in depression. You'll want to take them regardless of whatever else your husband thinks he should pay for along with his cigarettes. Don't bring it up as therapeutic for depression, but as necessary for a breastfeeding mom (which is true).<br><br>
Amanda
 

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Take your husband to your doctor appointment. See if having your doctor explain it will help.<br><br>
If not, then ask your doctor for samples. Sometimes they have them. If not, start skimming money off the top of groceries, gas, etc. Write your check for a couple dollars over everytime he is not with you and use that money to pay for your meds. Dishonest? I suppose. But you need your meds. You deserve to be happy, healthy and whole.<br><br>
Depression and other brain disorders are real. They also have dire consequences.<br><br>
If you want to really play hardball, send your husband to these links. Maybe they will help him to see how real and potentially lethal depression and other illnesses are.<br><br><a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v481/jlb/rissa01.bmp" target="_blank">http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v481/jlb/rissa01.bmp</a><br><br><a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v481/jlb/riss02.bmp" target="_blank">http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v481/jlb/riss02.bmp</a><br><br><a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v481/jlb/rissa03.bmp" target="_blank">http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v481/jlb/rissa03.bmp</a><br><br><br><a href="http://www.legacy.com/saltlaketribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=757657" target="_blank">http://www.legacy.com/saltlaketribun...ersonID=757657</a><br><br><a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v481/jlb/DSC00290.jpg" target="_blank">http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v481/jlb/DSC00290.jpg</a><br><br>
These photos are of my late daughter. From a few months old, to her obit, to her grave.<br><br>
She died from a "non-existant" brain disorder. Bipolar.<br><br>
Many in our family did not believe in depression or other brain disorders. They scoffed. Said we were doing wrong by buying into the nonsense.<br><br>
We fought for her, she fought. In the end, her illness won and we buried her. She was 16.<br><br>
I hope you can come to a resolution with him on this. In the meantime, keep taking care of you. Be gentle with yourself.<br><br>
Janis
 

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The Doc I see just told me that the drug alone with no counselling or the counselling alone with no drug therapy they are both under about 20% effectiveness but together they are 73% effective in helping with PPD and that one or the other is good but both together helps heal the seratone levels in the brain that are low and even it out so that you are able to make more of the counselling session and the work that you need to do.<br><br>
I am not sure if this helps but sorry that he isn't able to fully support what needs to be done to make you feel supported and need to help you threw this.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Gale Force</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But you can start today taking these things (and you should on meds too): a low vitamin cod liver oil like Nordic Naturals. Take about 4 grams of DHA+EPA/day. 1 g = 100 mg.</div>
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I just wanted to point out your typo: 1 g = 1000 mg.
 

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I actually agree with your husband. Depression is mostly in your head. Usually because your brain is overloaded. Talking about your problems would help a little, and if your dh isn't around a lot, maybe counseling could help. Drugs would give you this temporary "good feeling," so you would need to take them forever, yucks!!!!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grossedout.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="gross"> :puke <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grossedout.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="gross">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>oetien</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I actually agree with your husband. Depression is mostly in your head. Usually because your brain is overloaded. Talking about your problems would help a little, and if your dh isn't around a lot, maybe counseling could help. Drugs would give you this temporary "good feeling," so you would need to take them forever, yucks!!!!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grossedout.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="gross"> :puke <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grossedout.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="gross"></div>
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Dollars-to-doughnuts this DH isn't going to be a good therapist.<br><br>
So the real question is how is the OP going to get the help that she needs to get her through this acute period.<br><br>
I think Janis has a good idea in taking DH to the doctor for some explanation or otherwise raising funds for therapy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mischievous.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="mischief"><br><br>
I'm sorry for your loss Janis. :heart
 

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If you are a SAHM, your dh has to pay for your needs, and this drug is needed based on you and your doctor's decision. Plain and simple.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I actually agree with your husband. Depression is mostly in your head. Usually because your brain is overloaded. Talking about your problems would help a little, and if your dh isn't around a lot, maybe counseling could help. Drugs would give you this temporary "good feeling," so you would need to take them forever, yucks!!!!</td>
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Wow-- such an archaic attitude to a real problem.<br><br>
Of course depression and other mental disorders are in your head. It is a brain issue. When the brain does not produce enough seratonin, things go wonky. Medications help with by stimulating seratonin production.<br><br>
There are different types of depression. Chemical imbalance and situational depression. Chemical imbalances would require long term if not life long use of an anti-depressant. Situational depression is caused by being overwhelmed by difficult issues. Temporary use of meds along with having someone to talk to will be greatly beneficial.<br><br>
I take meds every single day. I have no doubt that without them, I'd be buried alongside my daughter.<br><br>
I have bipolar. I take lithium. I also take omega 3 fish oils, a good multivitamin, biotin, calcium and iron. I also take zoloft 3.5 months out of the year to get me through the holidays, my daughters birthday and her death day. I tried going without it, but ended up planning my own death. So I "wussed" out and took the zoloft. Not only did I make it through the rough months, but I was able to be productive and actually enjoy the holidays.<br><br>
Making comments like your dh's or Otetiens is very demeaning and belittling of another's pain. One who is struggling does not need to be told it is all in their head and if they would just do XYZ, they would be better.<br><br>
It doesn't work that way. One can no more will away depression or other disorders than they can will away blue eyes, brown hair, cancer or diabetes.<br><br>
The blame the victim mentality when it comes to depressione, etc.. is appalling.<br><br>
To the OP -<br><br>
Please keep fighting. Do what you need to do to be safe and to get back to being you.<br><br>
If you want to talk, I'm just a pm away.<br><br>
Janis
 

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I would have a serious talk with your DH. You are both responsible for maintaining your family. Childcare is a requirement of your family, it is the responsibility of BOTH parents, not just you. You provide care, which allows him to work for money.<br><br>
The money he makes is not HIS to make decisions about, but BOTH OF YOURS.<br><br>
If he doesn't get this, that is a big problem.<br><br>
I am very hesitant about anti-depressant meds, but that is YOUR decision to make, with his input if you want it. It is not HIS decision to make for you.<br><br>
Good luck.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>oetien</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I actually agree with your husband. Depression is mostly in your head. Usually because your brain is overloaded. Talking about your problems would help a little, and if your dh isn't around a lot, maybe counseling could help. Drugs would give you this temporary "good feeling," so you would need to take them forever, yucks!!!!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grossedout.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="gross"> :puke <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grossedout.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="gross"></div>
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This is a joke right?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Well, after much discussion this weekend, we have agreed that he will pay for it. He was mostly concerned about the cost I think. I explained how I was feeling. While, occasionally I get a little down or I worry sometimes, I have NEVER felt this bad before, unless it was justified. I also am taking cod liver oil - 2 tsp a day. Is that enough? Thanks, ladies for your support.<br><br>
Janis, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Thank you for your kind words.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>oetien</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I actually agree with your husband. Depression is mostly in your head. Usually because your brain is overloaded. Talking about your problems would help a little, and if your dh isn't around a lot, maybe counseling could help.</div>
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I don't doubt that many drugs are over-prescribed, and that many people who are prescribed antidepressants may not "need" them. But to say that NOBODY needs antidepressants is simply innacurate and insulting to those of us who do. I don't know if I'd be alive today without antidepressants- I certainly doubt I'd be in any position to take care of my children.<br><br>
Some of us need to be on medication long-term. Others just use them for a few months, to get over "the hump" and jump-start the self-help process. It's hard to eat right and exercise when you're depressed- the meds often releive the symptoms enough so you can start taking better care of yourself and deal with the underlying issues. At that point, many people ARE able to discontinue the medication and maintain good mental health.<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Drugs would give you this temporary "good feeling," so you would need to take them forever, yucks!!!!</td>
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You dont' appear to know very much about how antidepressant medications work. You can't get "high" from Prozac!
 

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<b>I actually agree with your husband. Depression is mostly in your head. Usually because your brain is overloaded. Talking about your problems would help a little, and if your dh isn't around a lot, maybe counseling could help. Drugs would give you this temporary "good feeling," so you would need to take them forever, yucks!!!!</b><br><br>
Holy crap! People like you are the reason women are afraid to seek help for PPD. Depression isn't "all in your head"--it's very real and talk therapy DOES NOT make it go away. Maybe if you'd ever dealt with a psychiatric disorder you'd know that and not make such flippant and insulting comments.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>thismama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The money he makes is not HIS to make decisions about, but BOTH OF YOURS.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/truedat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Truedat"> What are you supposed to be, his... ? You know, I was going to say something like "maidservant", but they get paid and can get their own Zoloft, so the only real comparison would be "slave".<br><br>
If the money from his job is "his" then the work you do is all <i>yours</i>, to do or not as you will. Normally, I think the "present him with a bill for services" thing is petty, but in this case it might be warranted. You apparently work for room and board, and whatever bonuses he feels like throwing you; it's time to negotiate new terms.<br><br>
::sigh:: The righteously indignant part of me would love that. In reality, of course, it would likely just make things worse, but you <i>do</i> need to make it clear that he is operating under an extreme delusion about his financial rights and responsibilities.<br><br>
(Out of respect for your marriage I will <i>not</i> add that he's also being a luddite jerk.)
 

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Some of us feel about psych meds the way we feel about cesarean surgery - sometimes necessary and health supporting, but way overused and causing unnecessary harm therefore. And some of us are zealots who would walk into a cesarean support group and announce that it's all their fault they had major abdominal surgery and none of it would have happened if they'd just squatted in the woods like they were supposed to...<br><br>
Jenny - you do whatever it takes to get you through this period <b>safely.</b> <i>Whatever it takes</i>. And you tell your hubby that's just what you're going to do. If the meds help (or there's even a teensy chance they might), you take them. If getting massages helps, you get massages. You try acupuncture, fish oil, meditation, counseling, herbs, <i>whatever it takes</i>, and if you two can afford it, then you do it. Once you get in a more stable place THEN you talk with him about his crazy "no such thing as depression" theories.<br><br>
And if he means it that he will not pay for whatever you've decided will help you, and it's not because you can't afford it but because he's "morally opposed" or whatever, then get thee to either a marriage counselour or a divorce lawyer, 'cause that is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Give him a chance to air his feelings, his worries and his opinions, sure. But he doesn't get to dictate to you what you put in your body, and if a doctor's prescribed it for you, he doesn't get a choice about paying for it, either.
 

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First of all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Your DH's attitude and oetien's are pretty common (cue Tom Cruise here). I'm glad your DH was able to come around a bit. My DH still doesn't really want to accept that his dad has depression. He constantly suggests things that would help a person having a random blue day. His dad in fact has PTSD. Oddly, the VA has no problem believing this as they handed him 100% disability <i>as soon as he applied for it</i>. Yup, its that bad. But still, my DH wants to think his father can do without the drugs he takes.<br><br>
PPD has a biochemical basis. Sometimes the serotonin imbalance just gets so bad that no amount of therapy, calm situation or time for rest will cure it. I didn't have enough serotonin to sleep well, so I didn't sleep, so I didn't make more serotonin and so on and on and on. A couple of weeks of uptake inhibitor turned the tide and I crawled back after that. (disclaimer: you are not supposed to just take these medications for a couple of weeks). I never got any "good feeling" from them - mustn't have been taking the same drugs as the pp. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
Probably some of the best therapy you can get is here. It really helped to lurk and talk a bit on this forum. Mostly people were extremely kind and helpful. So I hope you will continue to come here.<br><br>
Someone here suggested 5-HTP and melatonin and they both helped. Also the B-vit for stress with iron. Even Walmart carries these things.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TypicalSituation</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, after much discussion this weekend, we have agreed that he will pay for it. He was mostly concerned about the cost I think. I explained how I was feeling. While, occasionally I get a little down or I worry sometimes, I have NEVER felt this bad before, unless it was justified. I also am taking cod liver oil - 2 tsp a day. Is that enough? Thanks, ladies for your support.<br><br>
Janis, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Thank you for your kind words.</div>
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Hey, looks like your second post got lost in everyone's rush to defend your rights to take meds. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I'm glad to hear he's backed down, although it still concerns me to hear you talk about it as "he will pay for it." Isn't that money <i>both of yours</i>? I sure hope so.<br><br>
The cod liver is good, but the studies that have looked at EPA and DHA (the Omega 3s) have shows efficacy at 1-8 grams of those acids - you'd have to take a whole lot of cod liver oil to get that much! (And then'd I'd worry about vit D or A overdose.) Try a high omega3 concentrated pill - I've had good luck with Omega 3 Mood from Country Life. Two of those gives one gram of EPA plus some DHA. (DHA has shown more efficacy for schitzophrenia, EPA for depression - don't ask me why, I don't think anyone knows.)
 
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