GD really resonates with DH and me. DS is now 14 mos and very strong willed and brave. When we tell him "no, safe baby" about something we feel is unsafe he SCREAMS to the top of his lungs non-stop and pushes to do what he wants to do (is very strong). Mainstream friends, including my pre-school teacher friend, say now is the time to start disciplining...How do we do so gently? Especially with things that feel unsafe such as climbing on unstable furniture, crawling to the edge of the bed (and falling off), running out in the middle of the street, running into other people's driveways, attempting to run down the stairs, etc?
New to GD, need guidance to keep DS safe
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There are some things that are completely non-negotiable. When you're out for a walk, if your child can't/won't stay out of the street, then he should be in a stroller, or carried by you. My toddler went through a good 8 months of that before he "learned" to stay on the sidewalk, and it's still not predictable even now. If he won't safely use the stairs without your help, gate them off and allow him up/down with you there to guide him. Make as many "yes" moments as you can by babyproofing your home, and go from there. For us, babyproofing meant turning our house into a daycare environment for a while until our youngest was a bit older.
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ITA. Babyproofing at this age is paramount. Your ds doesn't understand what "no" means. And we also have the non negotiable rule about staying near us, in the street and in stores. If he wants to run off we warn him, we want to keep him safe, he must stay close or be carried/put in shopping cart etc. Next time he does it, that's where he goes. He wouldn't have understood that at 14 mo tho. As for the stairs and the bed, I would teach him to go down safely ASAP but always keep an eye on him.
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This is TOTALLY normal. Some kids are high energy and persistent. I happen to have two of them. I, on the other hand, was apparently NOT a child like this - I was pretty easygoing and compliant by nature; my mother has no idea how lucky she was.
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Redirection and distraction are your best tools for the first few years of your child's life. And acting quickly (also known as "get off your butt" parenting - requesting something once or twice and then gently, calmly going to your child and facilitating whatever it is) instead of repeating yourself over and over again. Your child may not "get it" that when you say you don't want him to do something that he's supposed to stop himself, and even if he does *know* that he's not supposed to be doing something, he may not be able to control the impulse to do it.
So. Redirect from dangerous places, while explaining why you're doing so. Repeat 7.2 billion times.
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Try to give alternatives to climbing and running by giving him safe places to do it at home and outside. Make sure that YOU are the one keeping him safe outside in the street and parking lots - do not rely on him to come to you. I had a runner - and for about a year, when his feet hit the pavement from the car or front door, I had his hand. No joke. I actually made a point to have his hand while helping him out of his car seat, reminding him we had to hold hands to stay safe, and didn't let go until we were safely inside. EVERY TIME. He was not mature enough to be responsible for his safety, that was my job. Leaving the house, I'd lock the door quickly and be sure to have his hand before we got to the bottom of the deck steps, and walk him to the car. It was exhausting at first remembering to do it, but then became second nature. All of this was accompanied by reminders about staying safe and nearby, but his individual personality was not ready to be walking solo until, well, he's almost 3-1/2 now, I'd say around 2-1/2 in the neighborhood and shortly after he was 3 for parking lots and in stores. It was just not something I was willing to risk, and something he would show me he was unable to do on the occasions I would give it a try. Now at almost 3-1/2, he's fine. I still use reminders, and he knows if he gets too far ahead or behind me we will be holding hands, but usually it's not necessary.
As far as things in the house, try to make your house as "yes" as possible, with plenty of places for him to explore and climb. For dangerous things, just keep removing him and redirecting him - though if it becomes a constant problem try to fix the situation and you'll be a lot less stressed from having to redirect him a million times.
Unfortunately, to most people, "discipline" means "doing something" TO your child when they don't do what you ask them to. This does NOT have to be the case. Simply enforcing the limits you set by consistently, gently redirecting or distracting them every time, and repeating your expectations is enough. They WILL get it eventually, I promise. It may seem like it's not working, but it is. GD focuses more on long term gains than short term results and that's where many people have a problem with it. Besides, using methods of time outs, etc. on a 14-month-old are really an exercise in futility as they can't comprehend the cause and effect yet anyway (not to mention other reasons why I think they are usually a bad idea). Discipline = teaching, and usually we don't learn things the first time we're taught them. You don't go from counting numbers straight to calculus the next day, so why expect your child to understand and be able to follow through on what 'no' means the first time you say it? (That's a general "you", not directed at you, OP).
Prepare yourself for a LOT of distraction and redirection (including people who may criticize you!
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) over the next couple years, and enjoy your little guy!!
Originally Posted by SoBlessed  Mainstream friends, including my pre-school teacher friend, say now is the time to start disciplining...How do we do so gently? Especially with things that feel unsafe such as climbing on unstable furniture, crawling to the edge of the bed (and falling off), running out in the middle of the street, running into other people's driveways, attempting to run down the stairs, etc? |
Redirection and distraction are your best tools for the first few years of your child's life. And acting quickly (also known as "get off your butt" parenting - requesting something once or twice and then gently, calmly going to your child and facilitating whatever it is) instead of repeating yourself over and over again. Your child may not "get it" that when you say you don't want him to do something that he's supposed to stop himself, and even if he does *know* that he's not supposed to be doing something, he may not be able to control the impulse to do it.
So. Redirect from dangerous places, while explaining why you're doing so. Repeat 7.2 billion times.
As far as things in the house, try to make your house as "yes" as possible, with plenty of places for him to explore and climb. For dangerous things, just keep removing him and redirecting him - though if it becomes a constant problem try to fix the situation and you'll be a lot less stressed from having to redirect him a million times.
Unfortunately, to most people, "discipline" means "doing something" TO your child when they don't do what you ask them to. This does NOT have to be the case. Simply enforcing the limits you set by consistently, gently redirecting or distracting them every time, and repeating your expectations is enough. They WILL get it eventually, I promise. It may seem like it's not working, but it is. GD focuses more on long term gains than short term results and that's where many people have a problem with it. Besides, using methods of time outs, etc. on a 14-month-old are really an exercise in futility as they can't comprehend the cause and effect yet anyway (not to mention other reasons why I think they are usually a bad idea). Discipline = teaching, and usually we don't learn things the first time we're taught them. You don't go from counting numbers straight to calculus the next day, so why expect your child to understand and be able to follow through on what 'no' means the first time you say it? (That's a general "you", not directed at you, OP).
Prepare yourself for a LOT of distraction and redirection (including people who may criticize you!
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