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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, I've been in the DDC and now unfortunately spend most of my time in the Pregnancy loss forum. So I'm not new to MDC, but new to this part of the forum.

I have a 19 month old that has always co-slept and nursed himself to sleep several times a night. Since losing my pregnancy at 12 weeks 3 weeks ago, DH and I have decided it's time to start night-weaning just to make my next pregnancy a little easier, and because neither of us are getting much sleep. I also want to help DS get into a better night/sleeping routine. I don't want to stop co-sleeping, just want to stop the all night nursing buffet.

So I'm looking for some steps/tips to night-weaning, and since I'm sure it's been covered many times I'm wondering could someone point me to that thread or link me? I'm no good at the search function here for some reason, I'll learn one day!

Thanks so much!


***ETA***
Hi everyone,

Just wanted to clear something up...I originally posted this in the Nighttime Parenting Forum. Then it got moved to Child-led weaning, which I really didn't understand. Now it has been moved to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy.

So I'm sorry if I caused trouble...I thought Nighttime Parenting would be the right spot for it.

I just want some advice from Mamas who have helped their babies nurse less at night, and I thought MDC would be a supportive place for this. Everyone else I talk to says just do CIO and I don't want to. I don't want to wean him completely, I just want to get a little more sleep at night and hopefully help prepare my body for a successful pregnancy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Did I ask on the wrong forum? Is night-weaning under the breastfeeding forum?

 

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Night-weaning is not a popular topic here. Maybe bfing forum would be better.
: But I recommend the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Pantley and the website of - his name escapes me- the author of "Good Nights." I wanted to night wean but never had the energy to do it.
Oh! It's Dr. Jay Gordon who wrote the book, go to his website. Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hmm..sorry, guess I did put it in the wrong spot! I don't understand why it isn't popular...I'm not trying to wean him for good but waking up 6 times a night isn't good for any of us. I'm not trying to do CIO by any means, just looking for tips on gently helping him nurse less at night. And I'm all for him staying in our bed as long as he wants!
 

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Yep. Night weaning isn't really CLW, unless the child decides not to nurse at night anymore. You might want to post your questions in the breastfeeding forum.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Manena View Post
Is there a parent led weaning thread? Is it okay to start one or is that against the rules?
In the breastfeeding forum you could do that, but not in this one.
This forum is strictly for those parents who are practicing Child Led Weaning.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by WitchyMama2 View Post
In the breastfeeding forum you could do that, but not in this one.
This forum is strictly for those parents who are practicing Child Led Weaning.
Actually this is the Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy forum. The CLW forum is below it.

I would be happy to discuss nightweaning techniques as well, but perhaps this discussion is better suited the Nighttime Parenting forum?
 

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We nightweaned at 22 mo with the help of DH. DS always slept in our room in his crib and came into bed with us once he woke up. He normally woke up about 3 times a night. I got pregnant and was working at 5 am and was sooo tired. I would nurse him over night but it was not putting him to sleep, he would just want to stay awake and chat.

Also, at his daycare providers home, he would go to sleep very easily for her, by simply being placed in his cot when he was sleepy. We figured since he knew how to go to sleep we would give it a try.

I slept on the couch for 5 nights. DH was there to bring ds into bed and cuddle him to sleep. He did not shed one tear. If he asked for me, dh told him that I was sleeping and it was time to go to sleep, and he snuggled up to him and went to sleep. Immediately he went to waking up once per night.

We moved into a new house 2 months later and made ds his own room. I put a twin bed in it and put him to sleep in there (I still nurse him to sleep at the start of the night). About 3 or 4 nights a week he sleeps through the night in there, the other 3 or 4 nights he wakes up and walks into our room, I lift him into our bed and he snuggles with us and goes back to sleep.

I was determined to nightwean him gently, for the benefit of ALL of us, not just me. If he protested or wasn't ready, I would have continued to nightnurse him and maybe attempt it in a few weeks or a month or something.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Cujobunny View Post
Actually this is the Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy forum. The CLW forum is below it.

I would be happy to discuss nightweaning techniques as well, but perhaps this discussion is better suited the Nighttime Parenting forum?
Whoops! She posted in both so I got my threads mixed up.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by WitchyMama2 View Post
Whoops! She posted in both so I got my threads mixed up.

Oh,
now I understand!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Hi everyone,

Just wanted to clear something up...I originally posted this in the Nighttime Parenting Forum. Then it got moved to Child-led weaning, which I really didn't understand. Now it has been moved to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy.

So I'm sorry if I caused trouble...I thought Nighttime Parenting would be the right spot for it.

I just want some advice from Mamas who have helped their babies nurse less at night, and I thought MDC would be a supportive place for this. Everyone else I talk to says just do CIO and I don't want to.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by rach03 View Post
Hi everyone,

Just wanted to clear something up...I originally posted this in the Nighttime Parenting Forum. Then it got moved to Child-led weaning, which I really didn't understand. Now it has been moved to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy.

So I'm sorry if I caused trouble...I thought Nighttime Parenting would be the right spot for it.

I just want some advice from Mamas who have helped their babies nurse less at night, and I thought MDC would be a supportive place for this. Everyone else I talk to says just do CIO and I don't want to.


No worries mama. You didn't cause any problems.
 

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Try going to the Jay Gordon website. He coauthored Good Nights Chapter 10 is the one on nightweaning, but his website details it so you can save yourself some $$. It's a 10 day plan that I guess many here would say is CIO, although a gentle version of it since the child is over 1 yr. and in the parents bed/arms. As Dr. Gordon writes, a baby who has slept w/next do his parents for over a year and nursed on demand will protest, will be angry, and may cry, but that's very different from being scared (which is what CIO is in my opinion--you abandon your child alone in a room to CIO).

Anyway, we're doing the Gordon method and it was no walk in the park! He advocates picking 6 hrs (I think) like 11pm-5am where you will hold and comfort your child but not nurse. You start gradually over a period of 10 days--google the site because I know I"m not explaining it very well.

I agree w/ the pp that night nursing is wonderful, etc., but tired, cranky, exhausted parents aren't. We are nightweaning because we felt our sanity was at stake! I read an interesting post on my extended b'feeding group that basically said being sleep deprived is like being drunk, and you wouldn't parent drunk so why would you allow yourself to be sleep deprived? Now writing that I will be the first to admit that nightweaning won't guarantee your child will sleep! BUT...we're on about week 3 and ds slept for 8 hrs straight last night--the first time EVER in 21 months. He still nurses to sleep, still in our bed and still nurses on demand throughout the day.

DS def. protested at first. Vehemently. But he wasn't scared or abandoned, he was p*ssed, and I don't blame him. However, I'm not willing to be his pacifier for the next ?? years. After 21 months of nursing every 2 hrs around the clock we all need to get some sleep. Now we just nurse all day long which is fine by me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Oh yes, I know he will be angry and will cry a little, but you are right that is different (at least to me) than being scared. That was why I could never never do CIO, I couldn't imagine him feeling abandoned and terrified. But yeah, I'd be angry too if I was happily nursing all night long for 19 months and then it was taken away. But I can't be the nighttime buffet forever!


Actually the only reason I'm willing to start this now is because he's kind of started on his own...some nights during the past couple weeks he will nurse for a few minutes, then he pops off and turns his head away. I rub his back and he goes to sleep. Sometimes he will turn back to me and try to nurse again, but I just keep rubbing his back for a minute or so then he turns again and goes to sleep. I think last night he only nursed twice during the night, which is a pretty good night for us!

I will check out that website, thanks!
 

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I am returning this thread to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy, with apologies to the OP for the little tour through the various MDC forums.

Also, please note that we do not advocate CIO or other sleep training techniques here on MDC. This would include "controlled crying" or other situations where a mother deliberately withholds what a baby is telling her he/she needs. While crying in arms is generally not considered crying it out, crying in arms for an extended period of time while a baby's needs go unmet is a form of crying it out.

If you have any questions or concerns, please PM me or another moderator.

If I removed a post of yours from the thread, I will be PMing you later this evening (Hopefully. I'm flying solo and need to get the littles to bed)

Let's keep it civil, please.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thanks Annettemarie...again I'm sorry I put it in the wrong place originally.

I'm definitely not looking for any sleep training techniques that would cause DS to fuss for longer than a minute or two, and definitely nothing that takes him out of our bed or my arms. Like I said last night he actually turned over on his own and I rubbed his back while he fell asleep. That's the kind of thing I want to do with him. I still want him to feel loved and secure, but I don't want to be a pacifier at night. 19 months of that is getting tiring! Cutting it down to once or twice a night would be wonderful.

I am okay with him nursing all he wants during the day, and of course if he were sick, teething, or otherwise upset I would always give him what he wanted and needed. And if his cries actually became cries and not just an irritated fuss that I took away his favorite thing, I would definitely know that and take care of him.

But DH and I are totally okay with him sleeping with us for as long as he wants...heck, I co-slept until I was like 10!!!


Thanks everyone!
 

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Ok, first of all I acknowledge you for asking a question which requires the tricky balancing of child needs, parent needs, and family needs. Ideally in a vacuum everyone's needs would be fully met, but sometimes that's eassier said than done.

That said, I pushed to night-wean my first DD when she was 20 mos. old. I had my own reasons for it and I am at peace with that decision that it represented the best choice for my physical and mental health, and therefore the best choice for DD. I was comforted in knowing that DD had the ability to express her needs and to understand me as well. Basically, if she woke to nurse at night, I held her and explained that "nursies" were sleeping. I said that when it was light out nursies would wake up. I asked her if she was thirsty and offered her water if she was. I would hold her and cuddle her and rock her just as I would if we were nursing. After a few nights she stopped waking. She began again a few months later but then it seemed like more of a bad dream phase and it passed again. Again, in a perfect world, I would have nursed DD at night for as long as she needed, but in the imperfect world, I had to factor in the limits to my own resources.

HTH
 
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