I still have another veggie loaf in the freezer along with some green beans... I was thinking of remaking thanksgiving dinner but am going to hold off because I know we're going to be poor for a while and a meal like that will probably be really good in a few weeks!!!<br>
Speaking of that, thanks for everyone's thoughts on my situation (and Raina and Jenny's as well!).<br>
So far things look kind of bleak and slow going. I had this horrible overwhelming feeling of doom and paranoia yesterday while I was with my son at school and I just wanted to LEAVE. It was a bad feeling. And I also know that I have a pretty good hindsight; I worry sometimes if I should really pay attention to it or if I'm just being paranoid. It's hard to decide what to do. Not that it would do any good anyway.<br>
On the pregnancy front nothing really to report. I think I'm finally starting to grow a little tiny bit. I can feel my uterus in the mornings, but nothing to really speak of when I'm standing up.<br>
Hopefully I'll be seeing the midwife soon. I've been waiting for this moment for a very long time; I would say YEARS. Homebirth is such a dream of mine; thinking about it makes me absolutely weepy. To get to the point where I can actually call her and make an appointment is a huge milestone.<br>
I have to admit though that not seeing an ob makes this seem very unreal. As much as I can't stand typical medical care I do feel very out of place and almost fake. It's a hard feeling to describe. I know I want to break free from it; as soon as I see the midwife I'm sure I'll feel better.<br>
I did do something very silly and rented a doppler. It was an impulse buy and as a matter of fact it happened on Black Friday, so maybe that's why!?!?! I thought I'd have it by today but it looks like it won't arrive until Thursday. I know my midwife mentioned she doesn't even consider using one until 12 weeks... And I know I want to share the heartbeat with my 4 year old... And I know when she comes I want him to meet her... and I know when she whips out HER doppler he'll be all "Yeah, been there done that!" lol!!! So I wonder what that will be like. I feel like I'm doing something I'm not supposed to do.<br>
Even though I've been through 2 other pregnancies I have this difficulty realizing that yes, my belly will get big and it will be like that for MONTHS. It's hard to fathom when there's nothing really there to see. My son lifted up my shirt the other day and I asked him what he was doing and he said "I'm just looking at my baby for a bit". So sweet... I hope he's this involved when things get really fun, when he can play games with his sibling in the womb, etc.<br>
While I'm on a rant here, I also want to say I'm worried about the birth. I know it will be wonderful and fuzzy (let's hope) but I'm worried that he'll totally flip out and decide to scream and cry about something at the wrong time. I don't want any situation where anyone might want to yell at each other, know what I mean? I mean, you see siblings all the time (or hear about them) how they come in to the room where the baby was born and kiss them gently on the head and everyone crawls into bed and falls asleep. Please God, this is what I want lol!!!! Or at least a situation where everyone is happy. That's all I really want.<br>
Alright I'll shut up now.<br>
Take care mommas,<br>
Oh, the pain I have been in today. It is horrible.<br><br>
I thought it was ovarian cyst pain at first, but now I think it is actually just ligament pain but I have no idea for sure. I just know it hurts. It started early this morning as crampyness in my uterus, then changed to a stabbing pain in my right side, between my pelvis and ribs... that lasted thru the later morning, early afternoon and now it has moved to my back near where it was hurting my side. My uterine area also hurts too... so maybe it is round ligament pain? Again, I don't know.<br><br>
And today is packing/moving day and I'm next to useless.. even more useless than I would be just being pregnant and not being able to help with heavy stuff. DH is having problems getting anyone to help him<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> It's cold and wet outside.<br><br>
Not a good day.<br><br>
Yesterday I almost decided to rent a doppler. It's been nearly a month since the ultrasound, the last proof that there's still a live baby in there and at points I just get all gloom-and-doom and think baby has died... but then I told myself to snap out of it and to trust my body.<br><br>
But still... where does one go to rent a doppler?
I had my 2nd appointment today. I just love my doctor. She made DH feel right at home. I got my note so I can take a swimming class at the local fitness center if I decide to after Christmas. It took a bit to find the heart tones. That made my heart sink as a co worker is in the process of m/c at 11 weeks. My uterus has grown and the heart tones were up by my umbilicus rather than deep in the pelvis. Such a cool sound.<br>
We were suppose to go get the Christmas tree, but I can home and took a 2 hour nap. That felt good!<br><br>
Hope things go better for the rest!<br>
I am meeting a new group of midwives Dec 2 and I really hope that they work out. The main issue I am having is the billing. I need a midwife who will bill insurance before we pay. I have heard of this but can't seem to find it for myself!<br>
On a non-pregnancy note, dd just had her 5 year check up (really the first since she was 2 <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: ) with new ped that I have been waiting and waiting for - he saw that we don't vax and he said "Yay! no vaccinations, good for you!" I was so happy I could have flown across the room to hug him! We have had docs refuse to see us and flat out lie to us about our choices. This ped also supports the family bed and it was just so completely refreshing to feel supported in decisions from a medical professional.<br><br>
On the pregnancy side of things: anyone else feel like they aren't really pregnant? With my 24 hour sickness gone and constipation gone and just slightly sore breasts, I keep wondering if this is all in my head! I have gained weight, but I was on the low carb thing and I have gone in the extreme opposite direction since I got preg. so I am not surprised at all that I have gained some weight. I can only wear maternity pants but I don't really have a belly, just looks like a fat belly (I am 5'2" and weighed 120 when I found out I was preg). Now my belly is just kinda jiggly and a little rounder like its spreading out to my hips instead of out just around! It was like that with dd, so not too surprised, but why can't I have one of those cute little basketball belly's? I end up with the football shaped belly/hip combo hehe!<br><br>
I am in total denial about the financial disaster that is hitting us, just in case any of you are wondering how that is going. I think that I will start freaking out for real in about 3 days when our rent is late. Yikes.
almostfey, that sounds awful!! Could it be kidneys or something? Hope it feels better soon.<br><br>
I wish I could afford to rent a doppler. I am in the "Something's wrong, I'm really not pg, those 2 u/s and the time on the doppler were just flukes" b/c I don't feel pg. i mean, i'm moody and tired and my hips do weird things at night, but I don't feel kicks or flips. I don't have to pee anymore than usual (actually a good thing since I have a bladder condition and pee about 12-24 times a day on a regular day anyway). I do have weird cravings, which I've never really had before. I mean, things would sound good but I could eat something else and be fine. Now, if I crave sour cream and cheddar chips and eat a full dinner instead, it's like I stay hungry for them until I have them. It's really odd. I can crave the same little thing for 3 days, finally get it, eat it and it's over??? I think it may be a weird subconscious thing... who knows.<br><br>
I have what is hopefully my last OB appt tomorrow. They kept postponing my labwork, BUT at 14.5weeks there's a chance we'll see what kind of baby is in there. I"m trying to be hopeful without getting my hopes up. :LOL Not really working. But I am so hoping for a girl. Not only b/c I've always wanted a real mother/daughter relationship, but also b/c I do NOT look forward to the strife that will be when we don't circ the next boy. Hubby is not pleased with the fact that I've decided we won't be doing that again, and he too is hoping for a girl. So, fingers crossed, but not too tightly. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
Oh, we found out with ds#2 at 14 wks and a gf found out with her dd at 14 wks, so it is possible.
In regards to dopplers...<br>
I told you all about my impulse rental. They're about $23 a month and usually sent via free shipping. Just google "Doppler rentals". The return shipping is free too.<br>
I'm hoping I won't get addicted; maybe I'll keep it until I feel movement and then send it back. Like that will happen in 4 weeks but who knows?
hey ladies <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
So sorry to hear about all the financial strife going on. We are right there with you, but i'm trying very hard not to let it get me down. i know it will all work out and I don't want my stress/worry to affect the baby so I'm trying to let dh handle things, kwim?<br><br>
Anyhow, we saw our midwife for the first time last Fri and it was a wonderful visit. She is so hands off, and it was a very comfortable visit, like with an old friend. She prefers to do as few interventions as we are comfortable with and that is what we wanted. We decided to go ahead and use the doppler at this appointment, but we might not in the future. Anyhow, she was able to get the heartbeat, very briefly, two different times. This little one was moving so much it was hard to get more than a few seconds of heartbeat. But it was very nice to hear and made everything more real for dh and dd enjoyed it too.<br><br>
I seem to be feeilng more m/s as time passes rather than less and the aversions are getting ridiculous. I hate feeling this way about food!!<br><br>
monkey's mama, thinking about you, and hoping you will soon have some relief.
Wow, December already!<br><br>
I'm feeling better about this pregnancy now. I'm finally starting to feel a bit pregnant. I've been feeling unmistakable flutters, which is reassuring. I also had someone at work ask me if I was pregnant, yesterday. I was having an evil sense of humour moment, so I told her no. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> But after the look of embarassment and devistation on her face, I laughed and told her yes. I'm not that mean. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
The tiredness seems to be fading. I no longer have a 7pm bedtime, and am able to stay up until almost 10pm lately! How exciting, I've actually been able to get some housework done.<br><br>
I'm in the same boat as a lot of you, financially speaking. I've just been so paranoid and stressed out, and took a few days off work last week due to an anxiety attack. I'm on a contract until mid-February, and am totally freaking out because there's a slim chance that they'll be able to renew it. They pulled strings to get me extended THAT long, and I got an extension over someone else that has been her longer. So I know they're doing all they can. But if I have to go on un-employment in February, I will get zero maternity leave. Which will mean zero income for my family after the baby comes, until I'm able to go back to work. DH went back to school this fall, so things have been tight as it is. We keep getting suprise bills. For example, a $900 debt from a University DH enrolled in, but cancelled his courses immediatly.....7 years ago. They're trying to tell him NOW that they've been sending letters to his parents house for years (total BS, I know his mother, she opens his mail, and would have been riding his ass if she knew he owed someone money), and that he didn't cancel this course, but in fact attended it and failed it. Of course, they have no proof of this, but since DH cancelled the courses over the phone, he has no papers to prove otherwise. It sucks.<br><br>
We also recently got a $800 bill from Paypal, due to our getting scammed in an eBay sale. DH sold some old trading cards and comics to a guy, worth quite a bit of money. After he mailed them, the guy reversed his payment...and guess who's stuck with the mess? Me, because the paypal account was in my name. Apparantly, there's nothing that can be done. Arg, I'll never sell anything on eBay again, that's for sure.<br><br>
It seems that just as we're getting our head above the water, we're bombarded with yet another suprise debt. It has my stomache totally in knots.<br><br>
Back on the topic of babies, I have my second appointment on December 7th. Hopefully they'll be able to hear the heartbeat this time. I don't think this pregnancy will feel totally real until I get some sort of medical confirmation that there is, in fact, a baby in there.
punkprincess, I'm really sorry to hear that your m/s seems to be getting worse. I really can't imagine that. I was in tears almost every day with struggling to survive it. I will be thinking of you and hoping that one day it's just *poof* gone and you feel more human again. Hang in there.<br><br>
Nikki, unbelievable about your ebay scam. I can't believe someone would do that??? What kind of people are there in this world? Have you submitted the information to ebay to get reimbursed? My dh had that happen a few years ago and ebay paid us back. Look into it if you haven't already--you should be able to get that money back!<br><br>
Ok, I think we need a pep talk about trying not to worry so much about our babies being ok. When I was pg with my first I stressed and worried about everything. I had printed out a chart and put it on my refrigerator of all the milestones (ie: when heart starts beating, when miscarriage risk goes down significantly, earliest possible viability, lungs developed, etc.) and I just counted down to each one thinking to myself, "if I can only make it to X date--then I'll stop worrying" and I never did.<br><br>
When I was pg with my second I consciously decided to let go and think positive thoughts, trust my body and simply feel the glow of this life growing inside of me. I took excellent care of myself, made sure to rest when I felt tired, kept track of baby's movements and just enjoyed the pregnancy so much more. There's nothing that worrying can do to stop anything bad from happening but it just takes away from the joy and peace that being pregnant is about. I wish that each one of you worrying could reach some sort of peace within yourself and visual your tiny baby growing and thriving inside of your body that is designed to nurture and grow a baby <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
I hope no one minds me saying all that but I know that pregnancy is truly so fleeting (even though it can seem an eternity at times) and I wish that all of us can enjoy it as much as possible.<br><br>
ok, I'm done now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"><br><br>
Hugs to everyone!
What Pepper said!<br><br>
After I miscarried early on last winter, I thought I would be really worried the next time I got pg, but I made a conscious effort to just be happy about it. It's been great! Worrying doesn't help anything, but I think that being positive and grateful does. A friend who had four (!) miscarriages told me that she tried to love each baby as long as possible so that s/he felt welcome as long as they were here.<br><br>
Also, in some crunchy circles Dopplers are frowned upon -- I don't know the specifics but I think the risks of frequently using them might far outweigh any peace of mind you do get from it. Just my opinion.<br><br>
I've got a belly, but there's no uterus there -- just flab. It's kind of awful. If I felt a hard little uterus poking out, I might feel better, but instead I am just pinching much more than an inch!
Had another u/s today and feel much better. Baby was pretty active and I couldn't feel a thing, which always amazes me until I remember they're only a couple of inches long at this point, with tiny, stubby legs. We had a good angle to see the sex but just couldn't tell. Babe was moving and it was blurry. It really could go either way, but I'm leaning more towards boy. Although it wasn't an obvious half turtle that I've always seen with boy u/s's. Anyway, feeling much better since I know baby is alive and forming well. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
ETA: for the first time in any of my pregnancies, I didn't gain any weight this month. That sure didn't ease my mind before the u/s, since I was already worried, but all is well. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
I woke up moody today. DD got up early again this morning. This time around 4:30 she turned her music on in her room and she went back to sleep, but I just laid there wide awake. I have something really important due at my work tomorrow so I'm just so stressed about that. Maybe that's why my stomach hurts this morning.<br>
For fun I had a friend of my SIL's drop off a bunch of maternity clothes last night so that was fun to pick through. Lots of T-shirts as she had summer babies. She also had 6 pairs of jeans and 2 pairs of overalls. I only have 1 of each so that is kind of nice. Now I just need to get things washed up. Maybe on Sunday as I work again on Saturday.<br><br>
Also on the good news I have senior member under my name. So maybe at some point some creative juices will come into my pregnancy brain and I can come up with something clever to add there.<br><br>
Thanks Pepper <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> for the well wishes and thinking of me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Thanks also for the pep talk. I had been wanting to address that issue but haven't been feeling articulate enough :LOL
Was supposed to have my monthly prenatal visit today, but my CNM has to leave early and so it was rescheduled for tomorrow. *grumblegrumble* At least it's just a day's delay, otherwise I would be seriously grumpy. I look forward to the visits a lot. I seem to get the ol' reschedule a lot. This is my first one here, but in general... anyways.<br><br>
That pain I was having finally stopped at around 1am that day. Yesterday I was still kind of sore in the area, and a little bit today too. *shrug*
Had kind of a scare yesterday--I hadn't been feeling really well all morning and when I went to the bathroom and wiped I had a glob of pinkish blood in with some of that gel stuff that I am using to treat my BV. I just had a bad feeling for some reason and started shaking and crying. I called my dr's office and they had me come right in.<br><br>
The cnm checked my cervix and said it was tight and closed and that she didn't see any blood but let's find the heartbeat with the doppler to hear the baby. Well, while she was looking for it--I swear it was only about 30 seconds or so I started freaking out that it seemed like it was taking an eternity and I started to cry on the table. She stopped and said, "I can't find it--let's go to the ultrasound room and do an u/s" Well, in my mind I thought that meant that there was no heartbeat and the u/s was just to confirm it so I really lost it. This is how I've heard that many m/c are diagnosed at this far along....<br><br>
We got into the u/s room and we immediately saw the hb and WHEW what a relief. I felt kind of silly for freaking like that but I guess my emotions got the best of me (and this after my pep talk about relaxing and trusting your body <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: ). The cnm said that she could have kept looking for it with the doppler but that it can take awhile and she could see that I was having a hard time with it.<br><br>
Anyway, the baby was fine and was floating and making little movements but what a scare. I'm bummed that now I will have that horrific memory of that minute or two when I thought the worst had happened but so relieved that everything is ok.
Pepper: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
What a scare. I'm so glad that you had access to the u/s right away so that you could get some peace of mind. Take it easy!