[georgia]

Hi, all! Just needed to vent where I have a greater chance of being understood.....<br><br>
My parents just left town, and it seems like the common thread in any conversation my mother had w/my oldest was...."Be nice"(demand) "That's not nice!"(judgement)"If you're not nice, I won't _____" (threat) "If you're nice we can_____" (bribe). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><br><br>
Is it any wonder I grew up being such a pleaser??? When she says the nice thing, I feel really aggravated because I value clarity. "Nice" is so generic---and subjective! Who defines nice? Is it acting in a certain way....saying only certain things? Can she at least give a clue??? I said, "Mom, I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you would define what "nice" means to you. I probably wasn't very clear, but it was either that or my head was going to explode after a few days of her nicing my son. What might I say to her in the future?<br><br>
Is anyone else at all bothered by this not-so-benign (IMO) word???<br><br>
All the best,<br><br>
Amy

 

[sunnmama]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by georgia</i><br><b><br>
Is anyone else at all bothered by this not-so-benign (IMO) word???<br>
,</b></td>
</tr></table></div>
YES!!!<br>
"Be nice". What does that mean? How is that helpful? How is that instructive? Drives me nuts.<br><br>
I ask dd to be cooperative...be considerate...be kind....etc. But I try very hard not to ask her to "be nice". And I also try very hard not to describe her as a "nice" girl, or praise her for being "nice". If you think hard enough, there is almost always a better word for the situation.

 

[Piglet68]

Yup. That would drive me insane.<br><br>
I mean, what kind of message is that sending? You might want to ask your mother that.<br><br>
"Nice girls do as they are told"<br><br>
uke