[Sanveann]

This is something that has been bothering me for a while now, and I am hoping that maybe some of you ladies have some words of wisdom for me.

My son is two months old, and I have yet to nurse him in public (I'm not counting my moms-and-babies yoga class or La Leche League meetings as "public" -- I do nurse him there, since everyone else is also a nursing mom). I just do NOT feel comfortable with NIP, and I'm not sure why.

I 100 percent support the right of women to breastfeed wherever they want/need to, no matter how much they do or don't show. But for some reason, I just get so tense at the idea of NIP that I have never managed to do it. (Since I work outside the home part-time, I have a good supply of EBM and he is used to taking a bottle, so I normally just bring one along in case he gets hungry.)

I think part of it might be my own anatomy, and my DS's nursing style. I am VERY large-breasted (H-cup) and his little head doesn't come close to covering me! It also makes unhooking my bra and taking out (and reinserting) my breast pads a huge production.

Also, he tends to pop off the breast pretty frequently, so of course anyone looking my way sees everything. I've tried using a receiving blanket, and DS doesn't seem to mind it, but it's impossible to hold DS, support my breast and position the blanket so that I can see what I'm doing, all at the same time.

Part of my anxiety is also because there have been some controversy in my city about breastfeeding in public. A little while ago, the paper did an article on a women at a local mall who was asked to nurse her baby in the restroom and (understandably) objected. I couldn't believe how many people wrote in and said things like, "Why doesn't that woman just get a job at Deja Vu?"

: I think I would start bawling if someone said something like that to me.

Some of my friends in my yoga class have Hooter Hiders and really like them. I don't like the IDEA of them, and I like the name even less, but at least they are able to NIP, whereas I am still too freaked out to. I feel like it would be better, from a lactivist standpoint, to at least NIP under a cover instead of giving DS a bottle while I'm right freakin' there.

I hate not feeling confident enough to nurse my son in public. I hate having to drag a bottle with us whenever we go out (and feeling like I should explain to people, like the friend I ran into at church the other week, "Um, it's not formula! It's my milk!"). I hate that I'm so self-conscious that I'm actually considering purchasing a product called a Hooter Hider.

 

[CawMama]

I think, for me, that it was just being around people who were supportive of NIP the first few times I did it. I was in a park with a couple friends. I had a bottle of expressed milk with me. My friend Mark said "why are you giving him a bottle when you have the real thing with you?". That just made me feel so much better and more comfortable. I think after that, it was just getting used to doing it. I felt apprehensive for a few months, but then the more I did it and realized that everyone wasn't watching me, that I relaxed totally.

Maybe it's just something that comes with time for some of us. Good luck and be proud!

 

[courtenay_e]

yeah. I was a GGG, which I think is the equivalent of an H cup when my kids were born and my milk came in. I found it extremely helpful to use nursing tops and a sling. THen, because of the nursing top, less of my breast/body in general showed, and because of the sling, really nobody could see anything but the sling, and I could see everything that was going on, whether the baby was popping on and off (which she did a LOT) or not. I had people walk up to me and talk to me about the baby, whom they assumed was sleeping, when really they were nursing.

Motherwear can be expensive, but I know that they have tops that fit larger breasted mamas. I got a couple of basic t-shirts and tanks, and then layered them if I had to.

 

[Momma Aimee]

Quote:

Part of my anxiety is also because there have been some controversy in my city about breastfeeding in public. A little while ago, the paper did an article on a women at a local mall who was asked to nurse her baby in the restroom and (understandably) objected. I couldn't believe how many people wrote in and said things like, "Why doesn't that woman just get a job at Deja Vu?" I think I would start bawling if someone said something like that to me.

if they say this to you -- say "well aren't you glad you got to see them for free..." and SMILE really BIG

my sister has this "issues" big boobs -- it just took her longer to get at ease with NIP

have you tried nurseing in a carrier........ it helps 1. you keep the baby close, so even if they pull off they can't pull as far; AND they see l;ess around them so they are less distracted and less likly to pull off (the baby still will pull off some).......and 2. it help cover you and still give you access to the baby and the boob and all that...........i could never nurse under my shirt, under a blaket or anything -- DS got MAD......... but in the sling the cover really is not resting ON THE BABY and thus the baby doesn't get so upsept or push it off or anything....

maybe i will think of more...........................

 

[Sanveann]

I do have nursing shirts, which help a bit, but not a ton ... I also have a sling, but unfortunately, DS HATES it! He likes his mei tai, but if there's a way to nurse in it, I haven't figured it out!

 

[courtenay_e]

How about a wrap style carrier? Kinda a cross between the sling and the mei tai (and you can nurse in a mei tai, it's just a pain in the butt...it involves swaddling and turning the baby sideways...I'd definately go onto the baby wearing board and ask there...many people who could help you figure it out!), and great to nurse in.

Too, it just took me practicing in front of people I was comfortable with before I got really good at doing it in public. I would practice in front of them as if I were in front of people I wasn't comfortable with, and I'd ask them how I was doing and then adjust from there. I also know people who practiced in front of mirrors...but the backward thing was just too much for my post partum brain.

 

[LilMomma83]

Do you have any nursing "sleep" or "sport" bras that pull to the side instead of unhooking? I really can't manage a bra that hooks when I am in public, also the ones that slide to the side I just leave the nursing pad in unless I need to change it.

I agree with what PP said about starting out around people you feel comfortable with. I have a friend with BF and she and I went to the park on and sat together BFing while her older children played...that helped! I think alsp just the more you do it the easier it is...I'm totally comfortable now I even nurse in line at the bank and in the church sanctuary! But it takes a little while...

 

[Sanveann]

You know, we do have a Moby, though we haven't used it much ... maybe I will try to figure it again! (I'm planning on going to a NINO meeting soon ... I'm sure they can help me.)

 

[Momma Aimee]

I also would keep praticing with teh sling

DS took awhile to get used to it, to relax into it ... and the more confortable i got with putting him in it -- the more he relaxed.

so you might keep trying the sling too.

Aimee

 

[courtenay_e]

check out mamatoto.org they have great video clips (if they're up and running...sometimes they have issues) that helped me get the wrap down pat. Kinda freaked my dh out, cause he came down into the office and heard a strange person's voice and didn't see another body...but really they were helpful! The nino meeting SHOULD really help, too! But checking out mamatoto can give you a head start.

 

[sugarlumpkin]

Firstly, I don't think you have to feel like you are wrong for feeling uncomfortable nursing in public!!! You don't have to be ok with feeling exposed and observed and judged.

Secondly, the Hooter Hider thingy is easily sewn at home. There are directions in the Do It Yourself area at www.thebabywearer.com. I made myself a poncho from very light cotton fabric for those situations where I do need to cover up so as to feel comfortable nursing in public. For those few occasions it works wonderfully. For the rest, I sometimes even nurse in the car. I figure it is better for me to nurse when I am happy and not stressed, so it is probably better for my darling baby to nurse when his mama is happy and not stressed.

Thirdly, HUGS!

 

[girljen]

I hear you! I have an 8-week-old, and the thought of NIP gets my stress response going in a big way. Luckily, I live in the Denver area, and quite a few malls and stores around here have a "Mom's Room," a comfy private room to nurse. Are there any of those near you? I plan my errands around them...I can go to the grocery store first, hit the mall next because DD will probably be hungry, then stop by the post office...it works pretty well.

 

[queenbean]

I haven't read all the replies, because my daughter will be waking up from her nap soon, but I wanted to just throw in my two cents. First off, you have nothing to be ashamed of in your discomfort -- we have been conditioned to hide our bodies, and when it's hard to stay covered, it can be really uncomfortable to NIP. The only reason I'm able is because I'm not large-breasted, so it's fairly easy for me to remain covered with my shirt. Even women who are completely comfortable with their bodies can have problems NIP, because it's just a different situation.

I think the Hooter Hiders are a wonderful invention for women like you who need/want to NIP but have a hard time doing so comfortably. If your son doesn't have a problem nursing under a cover, I think it would be a great thing to try. Even if you continue to use a bottle when you're out and about, it's always nice to have an option in case you're out longer than expected, or if you just don't feel like taking a bottle one day. That's what the Hooter Hiders were made for -- to help YOU feel comfortable. I can't use one, because my daughter refuses to nurse under a cover, but there are plenty of times that I wish I could use one (family get-togethers are a big one, since my FIL and BIL are not comfy with nursing, so I have to go to another room). If you can use it, go for it. I know you said you hate the idea of them, but really, that's exactly what they were made for. Nobody should tell a woman she HAS to use one, but if she wants to, then it's fabulous.

 

[MacKinnon]

I am nursing my second, and even after 2 1/2 years of NIP with DD, and a VERY supportive DH, mom, MIL and extended family in general. I am still a little cautious when I do. Although my hubby says, "I pity the fool who dares tell you to nurse elsewhere," it's just something you don't want to be called out on. I always layer shirts, something I didn't realize with DD. I wear just a tank top with a DEEP scoop neck that can pull my size DDD/F breasts out of and a shirt over the top. Then I reach in, unlatch my bra from the top, pull up my over shirt and down my under shirt. I latch DS on and can pull the top shirt down to cover everything but where he is. I keep my other hand there to cover ASAP if he pops off. This is all more important with DS than it ever was with DD, because I CAN'T stay home! I am busy with DD now! Good luck!

 

[skueppers]

First of all, I agree with what others have said -- it's important for you to feel comfortable nursing your child, and if what you need to feel comfortable is to buy a convenient nursing cover, then buy one!

Secondly, I don't think it's at all unusual to feel uncomfortable nursing in public. I know that with my first child, I felt like I was undergoing a conscious desensitization program in learning how to nurse in public. I would literally think to myself things like, "OK, today I'm going to go to the art museum, and while I'm there, I'm going to have to nurse her. So I need to find a place to do that." And then once I got there, I would look for a secluded bench or something where I could at least get organized with limited danger that anyone would see us. I really had to psych myself up for it, and it definitely wasn't emotionally comfortable. But like you, I felt that I ought to be able to nurse in public, and I really wanted to learn this skill. I also found it helpful to educate myself about the local laws protecting breastfeeding, so I knew whether I could tell someone that what I was doing was specifically protected by law. I felt a lot more confident about nursing in public when I knew that I had a specific legal right to do so in the particular place where I was.

Over time, it got better, and now that I have a second child, I nurse anywhere and everywhere!

With my first child, I found a sling mainly useful to help support my daughter's weight while I nursed her (with head and feet sticking out!), rather than because it made the experience any more discreet. Though now with my second, I can actually walk around stores with him nursing in the sling and my hands totally free.

 

[Sanveann]

Thank you all so much for the supportive replies

I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who feels/felt anxious about this!

 

[kdtmom2be]

I thought that I would be nervous or uncomfortable NIP too, but have found that since my daughter was born that I have found a bit more self-confidence to just tell people off if they don't like what I'm doing. Luckily so far I haven't had to, but I did have a 20-ish young man keep coming by our table at a restaurant to sneak a peek a few weeks ago. My mom and I had gone to lunch and DD decided it was time for lunch too. I gave the guy a withering look the 5th time he swung by (the first three he seemed to have a valid excuse) and then my mom and I snickered at him, he was obviously embarrassed to have been caught trying to look.

Anyhow, I have nursing tanks that I wear (I squeeze myself into a DDD cup when I wear a bra) that unsnap at the shoulder and still support the boob under that with a hole for the nipple. They seem to work fairly well for me. The other thing I do is just forgo the breast pads. My boobs still leak, I just wear a light coloured top with a dark print when I go out and you can't tell if I leak. That alleviates the problem of trying to get breast pads in and out of my shirt. Then I change my shirt when I get home into something dry so my poor boobs aren't wet all the time!

 

[Sagesgirl]

If you think a Bebe Au Lait cover (same thing as Hooter Hider, just a different name) will enable you to NIP comfortably, then buy one. This isn't a competition, there are no points awarded for NIPing without a cover. Personally I don't like them--as I've said before, the only times I've gotten negative reaction to NIPing was when I was using a blanket as cover--but I'm not you, and you need to make you happy, not me or anyone else.

 

[sunnysideup]

I was very nervous and self-conscious about nursing in public at first, but after the first few times it got easier and easier. For me, it was something I knew I was going to be doing for years, and I knew it would be easier on me if I just got used to it. It's like public speaking, or any other thing that makes you nervous, the more you do it the easier it is.

Now I am an old pro.

 

[Charming Opal]

I agree that it is normal to have anxieties about nursing in public, but a sling or a wrap does work really well. I'll tell you from experience that DD doesn't like having her face covered with a blanket when I NIP because she is use to looking around when I nurse her at home. When I first started NIP I was really anxious about covering up, but over time it got easier, and now I'm used to it. I would say use your intuition, nurse in a place where you feel safe and comfortable. Best wishes mama.