Hello all.. I've been lurking here at GD for a while and am generally new to the concept of 'Gentle Discipline'. I have seen some join this forum who wish to move from an authoritarian role to a role that is more respectful of their children. I think I have the opposite problem... and am in very grave danger of being much too permissive.<br><br>
My daughter is 2.5 years old. I think about discipline a large part of every day... about strategies to deal with certain behaviours, issues etc. I have been through the booklist here and have read 'How to talk...' which is now raggedy. I just can't seem to find solutions to fit my child. Certain approaches will work for a while before she's on to me and adapts and raises the bar. As soon as I attempt to acknowledge her feelings she gets annoyed... like she's saying 'I know this trick and I'm tired of it.' I'm exhausted with the ongoing failure.<br><br>
I'm struggling to break this down into managable chunks for the purpose of this post...<br><br>
Perhaps an example...<br><br>
Ciara will react to any new scenario with a 'no' or contrary position. Even if it ought to be something favourable to her. I might ask her if she would like to go to the playground, and before the word 'playground' is out of my mouth she is saying 'No'... and will change her position to 'Yes' once she has fully heard me.<br><br>
If I give her choices, she will pick something that is not a choice. 'Beans or Risotto Balls for lunch, Ciara?' She will say 'Scrambled Eggs'... I say, 'ok Scrambled Eggs, good choice'.. she will say 'Beans'. I give her a last opportunity to make a choice of the now three options... she'll invent a fourth option and it ends by me choosing for her and her in tears and refusing to eat. So, I look at what happened and tell myself that I should never have allowed Scrambled Eggs into the picture... next time I'll stand firm on the two choices and tell her she can have scrambled eggs another day... but more tears. She can cry for ages... it's not real crying but I sympathise with her and hug her none-the-less. The reason I say it's not real crying is because I have seen her switch from total 'devestated' crying to joy that her auntie has walked through the door in milliseconds. She also asks me to bring her to the mirror so she can see herself being sad!<br><br>
DH will come in to give her a good-night kiss when she's going to bed and she will give me a great big kiss instead all-the-while looking at her poor confused dad.<br><br>
I am trying to think back over the past years to understand how we might have influenced this in her. I honestly cannot say that we have modelled it. But, perahps I'm missing something.<br><br>
Has anyone been there? I'm looking for a starting point... for enlightment... for anything. I find it hard to think on my feet when issues arise. When something happens once I will build a strategy to deal with it when it reoccurs....<br><br>
I dunno where I'm going with this. I spend much of my time confused as all hell and feeling incompetent and utterly controlled by a two-year-old.
My daughter is 2.5 years old. I think about discipline a large part of every day... about strategies to deal with certain behaviours, issues etc. I have been through the booklist here and have read 'How to talk...' which is now raggedy. I just can't seem to find solutions to fit my child. Certain approaches will work for a while before she's on to me and adapts and raises the bar. As soon as I attempt to acknowledge her feelings she gets annoyed... like she's saying 'I know this trick and I'm tired of it.' I'm exhausted with the ongoing failure.<br><br>
I'm struggling to break this down into managable chunks for the purpose of this post...<br><br>
Perhaps an example...<br><br>
Ciara will react to any new scenario with a 'no' or contrary position. Even if it ought to be something favourable to her. I might ask her if she would like to go to the playground, and before the word 'playground' is out of my mouth she is saying 'No'... and will change her position to 'Yes' once she has fully heard me.<br><br>
If I give her choices, she will pick something that is not a choice. 'Beans or Risotto Balls for lunch, Ciara?' She will say 'Scrambled Eggs'... I say, 'ok Scrambled Eggs, good choice'.. she will say 'Beans'. I give her a last opportunity to make a choice of the now three options... she'll invent a fourth option and it ends by me choosing for her and her in tears and refusing to eat. So, I look at what happened and tell myself that I should never have allowed Scrambled Eggs into the picture... next time I'll stand firm on the two choices and tell her she can have scrambled eggs another day... but more tears. She can cry for ages... it's not real crying but I sympathise with her and hug her none-the-less. The reason I say it's not real crying is because I have seen her switch from total 'devestated' crying to joy that her auntie has walked through the door in milliseconds. She also asks me to bring her to the mirror so she can see herself being sad!<br><br>
DH will come in to give her a good-night kiss when she's going to bed and she will give me a great big kiss instead all-the-while looking at her poor confused dad.<br><br>
I am trying to think back over the past years to understand how we might have influenced this in her. I honestly cannot say that we have modelled it. But, perahps I'm missing something.<br><br>
Has anyone been there? I'm looking for a starting point... for enlightment... for anything. I find it hard to think on my feet when issues arise. When something happens once I will build a strategy to deal with it when it reoccurs....<br><br>
I dunno where I'm going with this. I spend much of my time confused as all hell and feeling incompetent and utterly controlled by a two-year-old.