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dd (3yo) started her first day away from me last monday at montessori. she has never been away from me since birth, not for more than two hours which happened twice in 3 years... i was expecting a total meltdown when saying that i had to leave...<br><br>
well.... the directess was there to greet her and she did, and then i said "ok, mummy will be back later to pick you up"... her face scrunched up (and i thought "uh oh, here it comes") and then un-scrunched... then dd said "ok. bye mummy!" and walked off with the directess.<br><br>
no tears (believe me, i checked - i think i asked all the teachers there about a thousand times for the next 20 minutes), no clinging.... the next day was the same, except this time she pretty much skipped her way in. she doesn't even look back once she goes past those gates. no tears to date, no hesitation... we tell her that tomorrow she has school again and she says "yay".<br><br>
ummm, what did i do wrong in my 3 years of parenting? aren't kids meant to scream bloody murder the second thier parents leave them at school, especially the ones that have been at home with thier mum since birth? i mean, i am very relieved that she wasn't upset, i probably would have cried with her and kept waiting outside the gates... but i can't help but feel that something is amiss? i have never ever heard of a child that didn't cry first day. dd has always been the type to run off (even in public) and do what she wants to do at that moment without much hesitation from our part unless it was un-safe (roads) or would cause damage to someones property... we tried our best to raise her in the CC way.. is this CC at work, or is my kid just really un-attached? she does have a huge smile when she sees me waiting at the gate and runs to me excitedly. i'm confused.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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Why would a well-adjusted, well-attached child who is ready and eager for school, need to cry at the separation?<br><br>
As a teacher I'm disturbed that that is seen as the "norm"<br><br>
-Angela
 

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hurray! good for you - I'm glad you're dd is not having separation anxiety. Watch out, though, sometimes it kicks in after a few weeks!<br>
In my 10 yrs. of teaching, only one or two children have separation trouble each year, so it really is not the norm, more the exception, to have tears.<br>
My dd was one that cried - it only lasted a few days...I knew she would be fine.<br>
I think the fact that she isn't crying shows that she is a confident and well-attached little lady.
 

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My kids did that to me too... I always had ideas of gradual transitions into daycare or into school that were totally unnecessary. I was sure they'd desperately need me. And only me.<br><br>
What I found instead was that my kids wave goodbye and run off and leave me standing there with tears in the corner of my eyes. I figure I'm really lucky to have kids who are adaptable. But part of me secretly yearns for just a few tears...
 

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See, I have the opposite problem. My 3 year old DD has never had a babysitter (with the exception of SIL or MIL whom she begs to stay with!) and she is extremely attached (we did all the co-sleeping, baby wearing, etc. stuff) and even when left with MIL or SIL it's only for a few hours at a time. We have a great relationship, but her first day of school she cried....and it killed me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> My 2 year old DD is being raised exactly the same (obviously), but I know that she would run into a classroom and never look back. She probably wouldn't even let me get out the "bye, love you, be back later." In fact, when she comes with me to get 3 year old DD at school, she wants SO badly to pick a job. I think I've sent the wrong child to school. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Congrats on having a very secure, attached little girl!!!!
 

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My DS started Montessori two months ago and cried everytime I dropped him off for almost two weeks. (He was fine within 2 or 3 minutes; I watched through the window.) It really really upset me and I considered pulling him out until one morning he just skipped in happily. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">:<br><br>
Anyway, I talked to a lot of the parents at our school, and it seems like most kids have a few tears at first, and the ones who didn't suddenly started crying about 3 weeks in. So, just don't be too upset if she does start crying later. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I think it's just child dependent. My daughter has never cried going to school, ever. And she has never been separated from me before - we've never had a babysitter, she's never been gone overnight w/ grandparents, etc.<br><br>
Some children are just that way. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I would take that as a sign of successful parenting, rather than where you went wrong. If she didn't want to come back to you after school, that would indicate a problem with you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Really, it's not about you at all, it's about your child feeling confident and comfortable and that's great news!
 

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None of my schooled kids ever cried at drop off. They were ready...they enjoyed it. It can be a very pleasant situation if the child is ready/wants it/the situation and people are thoughtful and the activities interesting.
 

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ummm, what did i do wrong in my 3 years of parenting?</div>
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Sounds like you did a lot of things well. I often joke that the children might be ready for school, but are the parents? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
You letting her know she'll be OK and her trusting that is a fantastic sign. She trusts you to make a good decision.<br><br>
There are children that cry after a few days to a few weeks into it. Just expect that it might happen. Either way is ok. This is a big step for a 3 year old to take and both reactions (crying to skipping) are ok.<br><br>
Matt
 
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