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I dont know if this is something that is gonna pass or if I am going to have to live like this for the rest of my life
Me and dh have been married for 12+yrs now. In the begining things were good with our love life. As a matter of fact for the first 2yrs of our marriage we only missed 3 days making love
for years after that it was still great but not like before. I have always had issues surrounding sex, always feeling like something just wasnt right. But I figure not everyone has romance novel type relations right??
:

Now I just dont want anything to do with it. I do have desire but not for what I know it will be like with him. I keep thinking what is the point,
I know exactly what to expect and I want more. Over the years I have tried to tell him what I want but he cant or wont make the effort to do what I ask.

I know a major issue is that he uses scoal (smokless tobacco) and after seeing the way his teeth looks :puke I lost all desire to kiss him. We rarly kiss even when being intamate. I miss that so much. When we were dating it was so fantastice but now I just have a mental block. He cannot quiet even when we got in such bad shape finacially he couldnt buy the brand he always used he went to the cheap stuff


I am hoping that this is just a phase I am going thru and once the kids are bigger I will desire him like I used to. Please tell me I am not the only one who has this problem
: Has anyone BTDT and did it ever get better?

I guess more or less I needed to type out my feelings but I would love advice from others if anyone has some to offer.
 

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My Dad was finally able to quit dipping skoal when he took me advice to go on Wellbutrin for a month or 2 while he was dealing with the withdrawals and really bad cravings and such. It's actually marketed under the name "Zyban" to help people quit smoking. It just cuts out the cravings for nicotine. My MIL was able to quit smoking using Wellbutrin too. That might be a start. I definately could not kiss someone who dips either- their mouths get just plain nasty.

Quote:
I do have desire but not for what I know it will be like with him. I keep thinking what is the point, I know exactly what to expect and I want more. Over the years I have tried to tell him what I want but he cant or wont make the effort to do what I ask.
I've had this happen with guys I've been with and frankly, sometimes you just have to be a b$&*# about it and be like "look I need X,Y,Z from you and if you aren't willing to try then don't expect to be gettin any from me" KWIM.
 

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Dh and I have only been married a month! We've been together 3 years. He is VERY attractive, physically, but he smokes, and it stinks, and sexually, I have found that he is LAZY and has hangups that are preventing us from MUTUALLY enjoying one another. I hosted a Mild-To-Wild Romance party for my pre-wedding gals' party, and got some, ahem, accoutrements, and they really spiced up stuff.

Rather than making it a discussion which may lead to his feeling insecure and inadequate, what do you think about trying to "liven things up" together, like going shopping, get some spicy literature, or have a romance party? They're QUITE tasteful, and private, and when presented in that light, ususally the hubby is more into the shopping than the wife!
(some guys need some back-up, and, hey, if it gets the job done... what's the harm?)
 

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These lines really stood out, for me (especially the always parts):

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Originally Posted by MCatLvrMoMof2 View Post
I have always had issues surrounding sex, always feeling like something just wasnt right. But I figure not everyone has romance novel type relations right??

Quote:
I do have desire but not for what I know it will be like with him.
If you have issues, something isn't right, listen to yourself. Give yourself space to think about what is missing, what you really do want, and why you haven't gotten it yet.
 
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