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<p>We lived for 8 years in a physical, verbal and emotional abuse. During that time we had 3 children, a son 15, two daughters 13, and 11. I left several times during that relationship, during which time his mother and him would constantly take me to court for visitations and what not. I finally left the state with the children, neither of us had custody, and we weren't married. I had been separated from him for about 6 months before I left the state with the children. We returned for the holidays and I called them, to have them take the children to visit. When they did arrive, they did not come alone, they arrived with a process server and court documents, to take my children from me for Kidnapping. I lost my children.</p>
<p>I left the state again without my children, I visited constantly from Texas to Arizona, during which time I hired a lawyer to get my children back. We went to court I requested drug testing, and parenting classes. Each time his test were positive, and he went to one class, and refused to return. I in turn kept at it, and got a certificate of completion, drugs was never an issue with me. I didn't give up my fight, I fought faithfully for 6 years, until I had no more fight left in me. We went to one last hearing when I realized who was sitting next to the judge, it was his mothers best friend! Nobody can convince differently that she had a major influence on the judge's decision. That was the last straw.</p>
<p>I had during that time gotten married, we had just bought a house, and I told my husband that night, I give up. I can't do this anymore. He supported every decision I made except that one, he would not let me give up. Late in the evening I get a call from the exes mother, it seems that he physically abuse his current girlfriend and she sent him to jail, and she was leaving my children in the middle of the street, so someone needed to go for them. I picked up the children and took them to her.</p>
<p>The next morning I was practically pushed out of my place of employment by a very dear friend, and encouraged me to go to court and explain what happen. Naturally, I refused, given the best friend was still there. So after a few hours, I went, discouraged but I went. Apparently the judge in question was out on vacation, so a different judge took the Emergency. He looked over the file, and kept turning page after page after page, looked up at me and said, "I don't' understand why your children aren't with you, they should have of never taken them away, you are not unfit, or a user, everything looks good,"  He signed the form and said the words I longed to hear, "Go and get your children, and take them home with you." I cried and said, "What?" He looked at me and smiled and said, "Go home with your children." As I was walking out of his chamber, I over heard him demanding his secretary to have the "other" judge on the phone within 2 minutes. It was finally over or so I thought.</p>
<p>For the past 5 years, I have had sole physical custody of my children, with joint visitation. I have been extremely lenient with that order and LET him have the children more than the agreed upon time. My fault feeling it being important for the father to be involved in the children's life. They have not been 5 happy years, I have had the finger pointed at me from him and his family, CPS had knocked on my door several times, I have submitted to UA's and for the life of me, I can't see where this will all lead. I am tired of fighting.</p>
<p>I am currently submitting to UA's, CPS has come and gone, and there seems to be no end in sight.</p>
<p>He doesn't pay his child support, he sleeps in car, gets high in front of the kids, doesn't hold a job, he's always right, and everyone is always wrong. I don't understand why they put me through this, they don't do this to his other 6 year old mom. They brainwash the children, on their weekend visits, so I have to talk them out of whatever it is they said to them.</p>
<p>My 13 year old took pictures of my 15 year old getting high over Thanksgiving at his mothers house. I naturally went to the high school counselor, CPS (since there is an open case on me) and the police department. Now my children hate me, they want to stay with him. My daughter wrote a letter that was never to be seen, but I found it, in which she says she hates me and calls me selfish and self-centered, all that I care about is me and keeping a family together, in this same letter she talks about being alone, going to two different houses, the fighting and dieing. My son hates me, he talks back to me and has the same attitude as his father he is right and I am wrong. My little one is influenced easily by her siblings, I am ready to give up again. </p>
<p>I am a stay at home mom, so the children have no chores, clean clothes, cleans rooms, food on the table and a roof over their heads, I don't use drugs and I have the proof of all of that. Their father just went back to court for full custody of the children without my knowledge and was denied. But knowing that my children aren't happy with me, has really given me an eye opener especially my daughter's letter. Where have I gone wrong? I did all I could, but that isn't enough for them, does his family have that much influence on them that they would turn on me so drastically?</p>
<p>So I feel that the only thing to do is give them what they want, it is every mother's nightmare, and believe me, I have to be extremely strong to do it, but if they feel they will be happier with him, then who am I, really to stand in the way of their happiness? I fought a good fight long and hard, but I can't do this anymore. My son tells me constantly to sign him over, he wants me to give up my rights. Those words are hard to hear, my daughter hating me is even worse. My husband says, he'll never forgive me and will not support my decision. But I just can't keep putting myself through this. Am I hurting my children by having they stay with me?</p>
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