[Garden~Lover]

yet they are still giving us gifts? what? man how do I handle this. Dhs family told us they decided not to exchange gifts this year, then told us they are still giving us something.

: I said not to. Now I feel like I should do something in return, but this just nulls the first desicion.

 

[IntuitiveJamie]

: UGH! I really hate it when ppl do this. I have this prob. with my bff. Every year we go through the routine.
ME: Can we not exchange this year? It's just not financially feasable for us
HER: Well you don't have to get me anything but I want to get y'all something

and so she does. And not just for me, but for the kids and my husband. After a couple of years of this I had to finally decide: Am I really okay not giving gifts? If it really is not feasable for me, then I should just not do and not worry about it. If someone wants to continue giving me gifts, even after years of not giving them one, then they must really want to do it. And I'm guessing it's out of love. So in the end I had to find my security level in my gift giving (or non gift giving) ways.

 

[bender]

After 1 year of not getting something in return, my extended family stopped giving us stuff (with the comment, 'why should we give you anything? you don't give us anything?'). If a person continues to give you something after that first year, they're actually giving the gift out of love, not obligatory payback.

I usually do a crafty item for people....rice mix in a bag, cookies, homemade candies, ornaments, homemade soap. I just do whatever I feel like that year. Some years, people only get cards. This year, people are getting jars of preserves.

If you are broke, I highly recommend the rice mixes. They went over well, and people liked not having another sweet item around the house.

 

[1growingsprout]

I thought gift giving was because you wanted to, not to keep things 'equal' or get a gift in return. Family may be giving you gifts because they want to,or they found something they thought you may like. However if you told family YOU would not be giving gifts this year, then dont give any. Accept what is given to you and move on.

 

[Crunchy*VT*Mom]

Accept the gifts graciously and stick to your original plan.

 

[bongoblue]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crunchy*VT*Mom Accept the gifts graciously and stick to your original plan.

:

 

[Fuamami]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1growingsprout I thought gift giving was because you wanted to, not to keep things 'equal' or get a gift in return. Family may be giving you gifts because they want to,or they found something they thought you may like. However if you told family YOU would not be giving gifts this year, then dont give any. Accept what is given to you and move on.

Yes, exactly. We're not supposed to exchange gifts with my in-laws or siblings, but sometimes I find something I want to give them, so I do. Same for them. I try very hard not to feel guilt or obligation upon receiving a gift, simply gratitude (doesn't always work!)

 

[beebalmmama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bongoblue :

 

[ikesmom]

Yeah..I sent an email begging for a no gift Christmas for the extended family (30+ people). At first they hesitated to respond.

Then they said ok which was kinda a shock to me.

Somehow I think that there will still be a few who will show up with gifts. I thought you know what ? Ok..Let them spend themselves further into debt if they want to.

We are going to light a big fire and cook up some good food. Play card and dice games. Listen to music. Put out a puzzle ect. Today I was searching Christmas traditions and came across

this
http://www.portharbor.com/santa/xsatrad.php
When I saw Ghana South Africa I thought wow it sounds beautiful! More Christmasish than what I have been feeling esp with all the Black Friday stampeedes ect.

Then I looked on youtube to see if I could see something happy

This was not happy but affirming to what Christmas has become for many people

 

[camprunner]

I give gifts to my brother and his son with no expectation that they will reciprocate. Infact, I really do not want them to. I do it because I want them to have the things I give them or because I want them to know that i am thinking about them. I hope this doesn't make him feel uncomfortable.

 

[emilys_mom1]

I would say just make them some fudge or cookies or something.