[crunchymamatobe]

Another mother hit her little boy for hitting my little boy this morning.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
They were playing with the same toy in the waiting room at the doctor's office, and the other toddler hit my son on the head and pushed his hands away from the toy. The mom hit her child's hand several times and said "No!" My son didn't seem bothered by being hit at all, but was shocked by the sound of this other child being smacked and needed a cuddle.<br><br>
I was really shocked - I know there are parents out there who 'enforce' no hitting rules with hitting, but I had never seen it in action, and certainly never so close to my child.<br><br>
Should I have said something to the mom? To the other little boy? What can I say in the future to my son if something like that happens again? (He's only 18 months old (so was the other child), so asking for explanations is still a ways off...) I really don't want my son to get the idea that hitting is acceptable, even from adults.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gd.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="gd">:

 

[Kodachrome]

I would have commended her on setting a fine example.<br><br>
Seriously, without being long-winded about it with a total stranger, what else can one say? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[sapphire_chan]

"please don't hit your child in front of mine. I don't want him to think that hitting is okay."<br><br>
Only thing is, that's likely to make the other parent super-defensive and they might blow up at you which would be fine if you were alone, but not so cool with two 18 month olds right there.<br><br>
Really, you've basically got to assume the other parent will be incompetent like that (is illogical more polite?) and step in yourself before they can smack.

 

[One_Girl]

I don't know that I would say anything, most people don't hit their kids in front of their friends and if they do they aren't willing to hear a conversation about it and it only makes them more set in their ways. I also don't think that you should say anything to your son until he asks you about it, at this age he probably didn't register it, when he is older and starts to ask you can tell him that some people hit their kids, it is sad, they shouldn't do it because hitting hurts and it is wrong to hurt other people and let it go at that.

 

[jake&zaxmom]

I've seen it A LOT <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> and the logic escapes me.<br><br>
"We don't hit! *SMACK*" Makes no sense at all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
along the same lines, I also see parents spank their child because they are crying too much! Insanity! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry">

 

[AntoninBeGonin]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11206112"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Really, you've basically got to assume the other parent will be incompetent like that (is illogical more polite?) and step in yourself before they can smack.</div>
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I agree with this. Of course, you want to do it tactfully so they don't know you think they're a boob <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">.<br><br>
The very first day we moved into this house we met our neighbors and talked to them a few minutes through their chainlink fence. They were a 6 month old being held by his mom, and the grandma. All the little guy did was reach out and put his hand on the fence that his mom and grandma were standing an inch away from, and the mom smacked his hand. I was like <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"> We decided not to make friends with them.

 

[fresh_water]

Ugh, that stuff bugs me. I'm not sure what I would have done/said in the moment but I would have been bothered by it. My brother's gf always takes toys from my son's hands when our boys are playing (they are a month apart) and hands them back to her son, saying "Don't take stuff from him!" I'm like, "Hey don't grab stuff out of his hands please." It annoys her but I don't care, you're not going to teach 10 month olds to share by grabbing stuff out of their hands.<br><br>
I also don't get parents yelling "STOP YELLING!" or "QUIET DOWN!!" to their yelling offspring. Kind of makes no sense either.

 

[Onemagicmummy]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fresh_water</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11207349"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I also don't get parents yelling "STOP YELLING!" or "QUIET DOWN!!" to their yelling offspring. Kind of makes no sense either.</div>
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Sometimes it gets so loud that you cant hear a normal speaking voice so i shoule mainly to get their attention then ask them in a calmer way to keep the noise down and that its time to be a bit mroe quiet. i have 4 so it gets very noisy in here.<br><br>
Kiz

 

[barefootpoetry]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jake&zaxmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11207251"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I've seen it A LOT <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> and the logic escapes me.<br><br>
"We don't hit! *SMACK*" Makes no sense at all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:</div>
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I don't get it either. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> How does hitting someone prove that hitting is not okay?

 

[crunchymamatobe]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11206112"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"please don't hit your child in front of mine. I don't want him to think that hitting is okay."<br></div>
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I will remember this for next time. I think this is a good response.

 

[rmzbm]

This irritates me a LOT. It is so common. "We *smack* don't *smack* HIT *smack*!!" Gimme a break. We, obviously, DO hit. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[leighann79]

Well, when <i>I</i> did it, the idea was punishing the hand that did it. Your hand is what you used to do something wrong and so it gets the punishment. NOW I can see that it doesn't make real sense, but at the time it made perfect sense. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:

 

[Stugroupie]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fresh_water</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11207349"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I also don't get parents yelling "STOP YELLING!" or "QUIET DOWN!!" to their yelling offspring. Kind of makes no sense either.</div>
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Actually did that with my 4yo one day. He was mad about something and kept shouting at me. I started speaking nicely "Please stop shouting at me." He continued and I kept getting louder, too. Until I am literally shouting at him "PLEASE STOP SHOUTING AT ME!" Suddenly we both realized how ridiculous I sounded and both started laughing hysterically. I apologized (between giggles) and explained that mama was <span style="text-decoration:underline;">very</span> wrong, but man did I feel like a dope!<br><br><br>
Still don't get the hitting for hitting thing, though. Seen it, don't get it. Can't really explain it to my kiddos except to tell them it is wrong and that grown ups should know better.

 

[ananas]

I don't know what you could have said, besides a "And how is hitting him going to teach him not to hit?"<br><br>
But maybe it's just me that would say something like that . <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
How sad <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[Doula Dani]

I personally wouldn't say anything. I believe the majority of mamas want to do best by their kids regardless of how they choose to parent them. I think making someone feel like an incompetant parent is going to lower their self esteem as a parent which will essentially affect the child as well. Not only that, but some people don't realize that gentle discipline is an option. I'm not trying to justify ignorance, but you'll catch more flies with honey, right?

 

[sapphire_chan]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Doula Dani</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11229765"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I personally wouldn't say anything. I believe the majority of mamas want to do best by their kids regardless of how they choose to parent them. I think making someone feel like an incompetant parent is going to lower their self esteem as a parent which will essentially affect the child as well. Not only that, but some people don't realize that gentle discipline is an option. I'm not trying to justify ignorance, but you'll catch more flies with honey, right?</div>
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Thing is, you're reading it wrong. It's not "ugh you're a horrible parent" it's "I'm a parent too and would very much appreciate it if you would let me raise my child as I prefer".<br><br>
(And no, you don't catch more flies with honey. You might catch one fly more easily with honey, I would accept that, but if you want a ton of flies say something shocking.)

 

[Doula Dani]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11229836"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thing is, you're reading it wrong. It's not "ugh you're a horrible parent" it's "I'm a parent too and would very much appreciate it if you would let me raise my child as I prefer".<br><br>
(And no, you don't catch more flies with honey. You might catch one fly more easily with honey, I would accept that, but if you want a ton of flies say something shocking.)</div>
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Um, aren't you telling them they can't raise their child the way they prefer? I just think putting people down and judging doesn't get anyone anywhere.

 

[hipumpkins]

I think you could probably ask the DR. to talk to the mom about not hitting especially in the office.<br>
Maybe ask the Dr. to makethe office a "child safe zone"<br><br>
I think if the child is being hit b/c they hit your kid you could jump in and say..."oh wait don't hit him. My kid's fine and they do that sometimes you know..."<br>
If you take away any reason for the mom to feel judged she will be more open to accept your words. She may have hit him for your benefit.

 

[Sk8ermaiden]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11229836"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thing is, you're reading it wrong. It's not "ugh you're a horrible parent" it's <b>"I'm a parent too and would very much appreciate it if you would let me raise my child as I prefer".</b></div>
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You intend to convey this message to a parent whose child-raising you are trying to interfere with? That's as funny as hitting a child to teach them not to hit.

 

[sapphire_chan]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Doula Dani</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11230407"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Um, aren't you telling them they can't raise their child the way they prefer? I just think putting people down and judging doesn't get anyone anywhere.</div>
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Again, where's the putting down? Yeah, I'm saying that I want my way to have priority, but there isn't a judgment on their way other than "my way is important to me", naturally.<br><br>
Since they can still hit the kid if they take the kid to another place, my way of doing things doesn't actually stop them from doing things their way. But their way does stop me from doing things my way.<br><br>
I think it'd be absurd of them to get offended, but then it doesn't really matter because I really don't care about the feelings of the sort of person who would get offended and think I was putting them down and judging them in that case. If they're going to throw eggshells on the floor, they're going to need to expect them to get stepped on.