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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was chatting with my SIL this weekend and there were a few comments she made that bothered me.<br><br>
The first was she was saying something about, "oh, you know how it is, going through the 1 yr old stage with the second child, it's so different than with the first, yada yada." And I was standing there thinking, um, no, I don't know. My baby may be 15 mos old, but he's really not at the 1 yr old stage yet. I'm guessing she just sort of forgot, since she doesn't live with the delays, she's sort of clueless.<br><br>
The second she asked how ds sleeps, if he sleeps through the night. I said he does, b/c he doesn't really have a reason to wake up, he's getting fed all night. She said, "oh, that must be nice for you guys to get to sleep." Again, I was at a loss, she asked about dd, so I launched into that instead. But I was thinking, well, I know it seems convenient, but I would SO rather be getting up to feed him at night for the first 1-2 years of his life, than struggling and struggling to get him to eat at all, and not knowing how long we'll have to work before he will eat on his own. DH pointed out she was probably just putting a positive spin on it.<br><br>
I dunno, maybe I'm just overreacting. I mean, it's sort of dumb to have any expectation that someone who doesn't live this life will "get it". Maybe it's just the history with her and BIL--he's very know it all, and was the one that made the comment about "now we have a defective baby, too" that I posted about a year ago. Maybe that's part if it too, we were celebrating their baby's 1st birthday this weekend and that was kind of hard, so I was just feeling more sad/defensive than usual.
 

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Oy. Yeah, that would rub me wrong too. Commenting that it "must be nice" to get sleep because your dc is TUBE FED?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Uh, yeeaaahhh....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: You're not overreacting, she sounds pretty thick headed to say the very least.
 

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Yah, I can see that bothering you. Since these aren't strangers, they might need to get clued in as to what it is really like. At least you can try. But like Finch said, she sounds pretty thick skulled...
 

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I posted about a friend (not that close) who said how since we have Maura, we don't have as high of expectations...backpedal backpedal...I do think she was trying to pay us a complement about being level-headed parents who don't get caught up in competitiveness and all that, but it just came out to be more of a "Well since Maura's slow..." sheesh...<br><br>
Sometimes, it's just better to just leave things alone. Maybe she was trying to say "See, that's a good thing about having a tube-fed kid" but it all came out so very very wrong. Or she's just that dumb <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Just punch her in the face <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> jk jk! As said in pp, all you can do is try to explain and eduate her. It may sound nice in theory that a baby is on a feeding tube so you get to sleep through the night - until it's your baby.<br><br>
On a related note, long story short, my mother and I had an argument about the way I parent DS (gotta love nosey parents), and I made the comment that "all things considered, he's not the easiest child to parent and we do our best, and I think our best is pretty good." Her comment in return was "Try having a normal 3 year old, he's EASY!" My jaw dropped and I sat in silence until she left. I had no words. Sometimes, even the people closest to you, will never get it. Talk about wanting to throw down with someone...and I'm not a violent person in the least, but man was I ready! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Sometimes, even the people closest to you, will never get it. Talk about wanting to throw down with someone...and I'm not a violent person in the least, but man was I ready!</td>
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Do we have the same mother? LOL! Mine's on probation after bad behavoir, the cherry on the top being she all but said I was a bad mom and that - and I quote - "All the people who know and love Maura feel that you should be doing more to find a diagnosis for her."<br><br>
WTH? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
This is the woman who never sees her or asks how she's doing or offers to help pay for medical visits or watch sibs while I take her to the doctor, and likes to remind me that they could still find something horribly wrong with her and who bought the child with fine motor skill delays FINGER PUPPETS!<br><br>
whatever.
 

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No offense, but I think your mother needs to take into account that as a mother (*not* a doctor), there's only so much you can do in regardes to finding a diagnosis. Wouldn't it be nice to put all these judgmental people in our shoes for a day...just one day, and then see how much they have to say? Especially a bad day!<br>
As far as my mother goes, we hear "You're too hard on him!" constantly, because we discipline him (not discipline as in hit him, only time outs and "no"s). And no matter how often I tell her he gets time outs for things he *understands* he's not suppost to be doing and we tell him no for things he doesn't yet understand he's not suppost to do. What she refuses to understand is that Julian does know the difference between right and wrong and fully understands "no". But as I said, she goes on that Trisomy site and reads about all these children with conditions much worse than DS's and then applies the things she reads to him. Which, I think is unfair to him, she vastly underestimates him because of those things she reads.<br>
Sooo frustrating! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: But just like raising any child, there is always going to be someone who disagrees with the way you do things, and as best I can I try to take the advice that I find useful and ignore everything else <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> And keep in mind this is MY child and no one elses, and it's up to ME to give him a happy, fulfilling life, even if I have everyone telling me I'm not doing it right!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I think she hasn't really had much opportunity to put herself in others' shoes. And she hasn't really been around much, since they live elsewhere, so I think she both doesn't get to see how it is, and possibly hasn't really been told the full picture.<br><br>
It's hard when people make truly ignorant comments, I never know how to explain/educate without making way too big a deal out of it. I have a VERY hard time not sounding snarky in situations like that.<br><br>
And yikes I'm totally <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jaw2"> at some of the things people have said to some of you!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">No offense, but I think your mother needs to take into account that as a mother (*not* a doctor), there's only so much you can do in regardes to finding a diagnosis.</td>
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I've actually joked about that - that sure, we've dealt with 2 PTs, 2 OTs, 3 ST's, the EI coordinator, the nurses, NP's, ped, neurologist who can't figure out what's going on, but I'm supposed to know <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">It's hard when people make truly ignorant comments, I never know how to explain/educate without making way too big a deal out of it. I have a VERY hard time not sounding snarky in situations like that.</td>
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You know, I think sometimes, it's okay to be snarky. How else will people learn that they've crossed a line? I remember this woman I met, the first time we're meeting, she's telling me my dd could walk after I said "she's not walking yet." She said "Are you sure? I thought I saw her walking." I replied with something like "I think I would notice if she had started walking!" LOL!<br><br>
What I hate are the people who won't ask and try to pretend like nothing is going on. Like when they were all discussing kindergarten and said "Oh, Maura will start with our girls, right?" Uh...taking it one year at a time. I would love to think she could, but I just don't know.
 

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Peekyboo, that's funny! Like you wouldn't notice!<br><br>
I actually had to argue with a woman working at a restaurant once. The topic? Whether my daughter was a girl. Can you imagine?! Yeah, PRETTY SURE SHE'S A GIRL. The woman remained skeptical.<br><br>
Geez. So she was a little bald at the time.
 

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My mother refused to acknowledge Jeffrey's AD until last week when the new autism study was published. Then, after about 6 months of us saying, "No, really, this is what is going on with him!" and her telling us he was just really smart and that we were too hard on him, she called me to tell me she thought he had AD.<br><br>
Sigh. Better late than never, I suppose.
 

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Those of you with the crazy unsupportive mothers -- you need to get your mothers scared enough of you that she wouldn't DARE say anything about your parenting. That's what I do. I like to keep my own crazy mother walking on tiptoes around me when it comes to my kids. That way, I never have to hear anything that would piss me off.
 

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my SIL with only 1 kid (2 years old) said at Christams that the reason they haven't/won't have any more is that they can't give up sleeping through the night again.<br><br>
well, fine, but if if having another had anythig to do with how well the older one slept, I'd still not have my other 2 kiddos!<br><br>
anyway, i said that, and she didn't seem pleased <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> oh well. I'm not saying she ought to have more. Just that it's not the holy grail of parenting.
 
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