No libido?

812 Views 26 Replies 14 Participants Last post by taradt, Apr 12, 2006

peilover010202

Discussion Starter · Apr 6, 2006

Okay, I've seen the post about having a huge libido and I feel a bit in the minority. I have none and to make matters worse, dh can get enough of me.

Seriously, it drives me nuts because I DTD to please him - and for some reason while I'm pregnant (both times now), I cannot climax

and this frustrates dh. So, then I avoid him and that frustrates him. No win situation here.

Anyone else in the same boat? It's frustrating and a bit embarassing.

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magpiedee

· #2 · Apr 6, 2006

Yeah, and it makes me sad, too.

I just have no interest, and the good stuff just seems like a big waste of time and energy when I could take care of it myself in 3 tidy minutes or so. Plus, although I know he enjoys the preggyboobs, I know that the weight gain elsewhere is quite a turn off for him, so I get self-conscious.

I want to be near him and touching him and cuddling him and expressing my undying love for him... but that's it, really. And i've had dreams expressing the guilt I feel at not being there for his needs, and we've discussed it, and although he agrees I basically get a "1 year pass", I still feel guilty and like a bad wife and like i'm not the fun-loving, passionate girl he married.

KC in KS

· #3 · Apr 6, 2006

Oh yeah, I'm right there with you. There's a definite difference in drive between DH and I under the best of circumstances, which being pregnant, moving, working, and tending a toddler definitely aren't!

I'd love to just give up the idea entirely for the next few months, but that would cause other problems, you know?

In the past, I've had some successful improvement with a homeopathic remedy, prescribed by my doctor. I'm considering trying it again, but I'm nervous about doing it without consulting him again (it's been more than a year since our last consult) because I take prescription-strength equivalents rather than OTC stuff (I think this remedy is a 1M). I keep reminding myself he said that if the remedy's wrong for me, it just won't have any effect - there are no negatives. I suppose if things don't turn around pretty soon on their own, I may try it.

KC

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veganf

· #4 · Apr 6, 2006

Yep, maybe once a month I get an incredible urge, then nothing. I don't even want anyone near me, it's so sad.

SummerTwilight

· #5 · Apr 6, 2006

Well, you aren't in the minority as far as I am concerned because I feel the same way. It is really hard to get into it enough to come close to climax when I can't keep my mind off my belly for 2 minutes. And thinking of myself as a mother instead of a woman also changes my feeling sexy for some reason. My poor honey is up against that AND midwives orders to restrain anyways to decrease my contractions. The most frustrating thing is that on occasion I do have a sex dream and wake up after I climax so even when I am turned on, I am asleep and he misses the whole thing...then I have a bunch of contractions and it was all for nothing.
I can't understand the women who say they want it all the time. I would be glad to want it once a trimester!

:

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peilover010202

Discussion Starter · #6 · Apr 6, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC in KS
I'd love to just give up the idea entirely for the next few months, but that would cause other problems, you know?
KC

KC - exactly. I have seriously thought of telling dh that I want to take that entire topic off the table and not discuss it until later. But really, later for me would be 1yr post-partum.

I don't think he'd agree to that

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radiogirlgr

· #7 · Apr 6, 2006

I'm with you ladies. I try to be accomodating, but it's difficult. To make matters worse, DH has been nothing but wonderful lately-we've been dealing with a lot of other life 'issues' outside of the pregnancy-and I feel really guilty not 'giving it up' more often. I wish there were something easy to help the situation. I'm actually looking forward to my 6-week post partum period when he has to let me heal! Isn't that awful??? I feel like a bad wife!

mrs rockstar

· #8 · Apr 6, 2006

Chiming in to say that I'm right with you. I'm sorry after lugging my growing body around after a very active, still nursing toddler, cooking, cleaning, running errand after errand etc., at the end of the day, all I want to do is sleep with no one's hands yanking at me. Harsh? Maybe to some, but my poor body just needs a break. And a nap!!

peilover010202

Discussion Starter · #9 · Apr 6, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesamin
Chiming in to say that I'm right with you. I'm sorry after lugging my growing body around after a very active, still nursing toddler, cooking, cleaning, running errand after errand etc., at the end of the day, all I want to do is sleep with no one's hands yanking at me. Harsh? Maybe to some, but my poor body just needs a break. And a nap!!

Ugh, I know! I tell dh that by the end of the night, I'm TOUCHED OUT! Ds doesn't nurse anymore, but we aren't modest in our household and walk around nude after showers, etc and ds is enamored with my huge-for-me "boobies" as he likes to call them, well, he likes his own, and dh's too for that matter!

And, on top of working FT, cooking every night, laudry and lots of cleaning, well, I'd like to be in bed by 9 every night!

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rebeccalizzie

· #10 · Apr 10, 2006

Sigh...me too. I feel sooo guilty...poor DH. And he's being really nice about it, but I just plain don't want anything like sex, and haven't pretty much since I got pg. I try to make sure I put out at least once a week, because otherwise I honestly wouldn't!

And about frustrating for DH...I

: have started faking it

: It isn't his fault I'm not into it, and he feels guilty if I don't climax...so as far as he is concerned, I still occasionally do. Not always...but sometimes.

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KarmaChameleon

· #11 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by peilover010202
and for some reason while I'm pregnant (both times now), I cannot climax

I TOTALLY have that problem...it mystifies me, with all the hype about the increased blood flow and blah blah blah. I have never had trouble climaxing before, but with this pregnancy and the two before it, I may as well not expect anything earth-shattering.

However, I still fall in both sides of the camp because I crave sex just for the sweet memories it would give me the following day. Dh asked me the other day: "Have any big plans for tomorrow?" and I said "Just basking in the afterglow of our lovemaking." He got a good laugh but we both went to sleep with no action

which is a typical night here in Paradise.

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veganf

· #12 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by peilover010202
and for some reason while I'm pregnant (both times now), I cannot climax

Funny, I have a way easier time when pregnant...too bad I rarely want to have sex any more though.

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Miss Juice

· #13 · Apr 10, 2006

Popping in from July, and so glad I'm not alone. I know it has to do with being so busy and so tired. By the end of the day, I just don't want anyone touching me. I don't even want to snuggle. I don't think we've DTD more than a half dozen times since October.

BUT this weekend, we got away overnight (grandma kept the 4 yo and almost 2yo overnight for practice) and while I was still totally uninterested in the evening, I did initiate things in the morning, and it was so much better. I didn't even mind him touching my breasts, which has been a big issue.

So maybe in the mornings, when we're not so tired (and the kids are climbing all over us??? not the easiest time to orchestrate!)?

KarmaChameleon

· #14 · Apr 10, 2006

Congrats on gettin' some Jessica

My hubby and I are going on a getaway this weekend while at his parents' house for Passover -- heading to a cute little apartment in a historic village for one night. NIce to already be pregnant.....the last time we got away for the night (incidentally, the FIRST time since having kids), look what happened

:

So anyways, I am hoping to make the memories last, likely til Septmeber

Here's to a last hurrah.

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veganf

· #15 · Apr 10, 2006

Morning is definitely the only time I'm interested. Afternoon and evenings no way.

marymamma

· #16 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by peilover010202
Okay, I've seen the post about having a huge libido and I feel a bit in the minority. I have none and to make matters worse, dh can get enough of me.

Seriously, it drives me nuts because I DTD to please him - and for some reason while I'm pregnant (both times now), I cannot climax

and this frustrates dh. So, then I avoid him and that frustrates him. No win situation here.

Anyone else in the same boat? It's frustrating and a bit embarassing.

Me too. It sucks and I feel bad for DH. He asked me the other day why we don't have sex anymore. I almost started crying (@#*&% pregnancy hormones don't help either).

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KarmaChameleon

· #17 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by veganf
Morning is definitely the only time I'm interested. Afternoon and evenings no way.

How on earth do you people make that happen? WIth kids around, in the bed, near the bed, thinking they might be coming into my bed....

I am with you as far as morning being the height of my desire, but logistically it just ain't gonna take place.

peilover010202

Discussion Starter · #18 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by KarmaChameleon
How on earth do you people make that happen? WIth kids around, in the bed, near the bed, thinking they might be coming into my bed....

I am with you as far as morning being the height of my desire, but logistically it just ain't gonna take place.

Yes, how can that happen in the morning? Ds is usually in bed with me and dh is in the guest room and ds wakes up EARLY now (6:30.)

KC in KS

· #19 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by peilover010202
Yes, how can that happen in the morning? Ds is usually in bed with me and dh is in the guest room and ds wakes up EARLY now (6:30.)

Uh, can't believe I'm saying this in public but...

The other morning, DH and I set the alarm for 30 minutes before DD's usual waking time, and spent the time on the living room floor getting frisky. We were all done by the time she woke (though it was a near thing - we weren't even dressed yet!) and DH seems to think it was worth the loss of sleep.

Oh my.

:

:

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veganf

· #20 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by KarmaChameleon
How on earth do you people make that happen? WIth kids around, in the bed, near the bed, thinking they might be coming into my bed...

If I wake up early (not uncommon being uncomfortable or having to pee) around 4-5am, then it's the perfect time, and I just stay up after that. Even if Ryan is already awake (he's usually up around 6-6:30), he'll wander in to our room, then I usually have half a bagel or more leftover next to the bed (seriously, if I don't do this I sometimes wake up at midnight STARVING and can't sleep if I don't have just a few bites), so I split it in half and tell him to give half to his brother. They usually eat it and play in their room for a while. If he does come back in too soon, we are just, um, discreet!

- Krista

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