[snoopy5386]

My just turned 3 yo DD is giving up her nap and I am having a really hard time dealing with it. I used to get a lot done during her nap - quiet time and down time for me as well as chore time. Now that time is evaporating and I don't know how to still get those things done. She won't play alone, and if she does it certainly doesn't last for more than 10 mins or so. She does one of two things - constantly asks me to play with her (like every minute) or wants to be with me while I am trying to do whatever I am trying to do. Which works fine for physical chores - laundry, sweeping, etc. But I can't get her to leave me alone so I can use my brain to do ANYTHING. Making a grocery list, answering email, making a phone call, paying bills, filling out paperwork, etc. I can't do any of these things because she won't let me think. She never stops talking to me all day long!! I don't want to do more tv, I feel like we do enough as it is, so how do I get her to leave me alone?
Help!

 

[pbjmama]

I've introduced quiet time. This is time where my ds is in his room and he can rest, play, listen to stories that I've recorded, look at books, whatever but not bother me. He likes his door closed but you could use a gate. I've also put a cup of water and snack in there with him. Since she has a hard time being separated you could start with 10 minutes a day and work up to 15, 20, etc. Perhaps offering a little incentive to stay in her room/designated area too?

 

[crl]

I instituted quiet time when DS dropped his nap. He was napping inconsistently (would nap for 3 or 4 days in a row then not nap for 3 or 4 days in a row) so I never knew whether he really was going to sleep or not. I made it for 45 minutes as that was the longest it ever took him to fall asleep for a nap. My rules were no noisy toys to play with, stay in your room and don't talk to mama. Everyone I know was astounded that I managed to make this work (DS is stubborn and did not like playing on his own at all). But somehow it did.

We actually still do quiet time on days he's home in the afternoons, although there are no restrictions on the kinds of toys anymore.

Catherine

 

[guitarmama]

painting time has been a good quiet time for my dd.

 

[Hokulele]

Another one for quiet time here!

I need to get my younger DD to sleep at naptime so I HAD to find a way to keep my older DD quiet. So now she has quiet-time every day. DD has gotten really good about it. It helps to sell it as if it is a treat or favor because she's so grown up. "You're old enough not to nap so you get to have time to read quietly in bed." Basically I don't mind what she does as long as it is quiet and she stays in her room. We keep the door open and on the days when she wants it closed we keep it just a 1/2 inch ajar so I can check on her.

Here are the rules we have:

1. rest your body and your voice
2. you can have as many books in the bed with you as you want, you may get out of bed ONCE to get more books but you must get right back into bed
3. don't wake the baby

I don't enforce the stay-in-bed rule unless she starts getting so active in her room that it is making noise.

Now she's at the point where she'll ask me "what number?" (which means "when?") And I will show her on her clock that when the minute hand gets to the 6 or the 12 that's when you may come downstairs. Generally quiet time is about an hour. I get the baby to sleep, then come in to my older DD's room, read a book to her and then leave her to be quiet for about 1/2 hour more so I get some "me" time. (Naturally all days aren't as perfect as this, but this is my goal every day).

One upside of this is that on those days when she really is tired enough to need a nap she will fall asleep.

 

[lisalulu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by guitarmama painting time has been a good quiet time for my dd.

: Or other crafty things-especially if I need to do something that requires sitting at the table (menu, bills, etc).

 

[Whistler]

Since her little brother still takes a nap, I just transitioned DD's nap time to a "quiet time" too and kept the daily rhythm the same. I gave her a digital clock and a bin full of books. She stays in her room looking at books or playing quietly with toys and can get up any time after 3:00. Sometimes she still falls asleep but most times she gets up after three or when little brother wakes up.

 

[snoopy5386]

I have tried quiet time and it sorta works, she still comes out of her room a few times (yesterday it was alot) and it is not as relaxing for me, I am always listening and waiting for her to come out but I guess I will have to get used to it. I have a cd player in her room and I put on one of her music class cds and tell her she can come out when she hears the goodbye song, it is about 45 mins long. It is no 2.5 nap (ah the good old days) but it is something.

 

[jnpsmommy]

Oh boy do I understand your plight,lol! My daughter is 2 1/2 and is giving up naps already and I'm just not ready for that! My older son, 4 y old goes to preschool in the afternoon so it was nice when my DD would take her afternoon nap and I would get some time to myself to tidy up, read a book, or whatever! I do still put her down in her room for quiet time in her room and she is pretty happy in there for about 45 minutes. I wish it were the 2 hours that I am so used to getting, but I'll take the 45 minutes over nothing,kwim?

Does your child like to draw? My daughter is fine when I have to do things such as write grocery lists if I give her her own piece of paper and marker and tell her to make a list as well,lol! I kind of talk out loud to myself " We need eggs, milk,etc...." and she "writes" these things on her "list" as well. Works wonders! I would like to hear some more ideas myself as it is a struggle for me as well.

:

 

[cjr42009]

Mine is 3and a hlaf. A very enthusistic boy. I cant stop him and keep him quiet. He is on summer vacations now. I presented a cycle to him to overcome keeping problems.

 

[TEAK's Mom]

Audio books have been very popular here. Both of my kids stopped napping before age two, and it was challenging for a while. It gets easier.

 

[rzberrymom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by guitarmama painting time has been a good quiet time for my dd.

DH found a way to extend the painting time even further--he sticks my DD in an empty bathtub with paint in little cups and a bunch of blocks he cut at the hardware store (they cost barely anything). She'll spend 30 minutes painting the blocks, then she spends another 15 minutes cleaning out the cups, and THEN she'll take a bath to wash off the paint!! Sometimes we get an hour and a half out of this activity!

 

[becoming]

I like the idea of quiet time. She is definitely old enough for something like this.

 

[alexsam]

I know you said no school, but.... school

. I was hesitant for all the usual reasons that moms here at mdc are not always big on pre-school, but... it turns out we found an absolutely amazing school that ds truly loves, a teacher that has become a personal mentor for me- she is so wise and loving. And, I got my 3 hours a day back. It actually really helped me re-center, he came home tired and happy, doing things I could not have done at home (music, yoga, big messy art projects, plays). Pre-school turned out to be a wonderful thing for all of us.

You could also consider a mothers helper (a local middleschooler to come play with her while you are home) or a "kid exchange" with a friend where you take both for a couple hours, then she takes both. Quiet time never worked for us personally...

 

[guitarmama]

Oh yeah, kid exchange is great! My friend and I used to swap Tuesday mornings. It was great to have an empty house for a couple hours every other week.

 

[LionTigerBear]

Oh, finally someone understands!!!!! People generally so not understand just how hard it can be to be parenting all day with no break. I have a newborn, a two-year-old, and a four-year-old. The two-year-old hardly ever naps, hasn't in a long time. The four-year-old hasn't napped four a couple years. It's rough. There are no breaks. "Quiet time" is not a break, it just requires more effort to try to institute it. In other words it doesn't work.

Good luck.

 

[indeospero]

Another vote here for quiet time. As someone else said, I think it works best to keep it as part of the daily rhythm you have already been using, rather than eliminating the nap and then introducing quiet time as a separate concept later on. What's been happening for us (dd, age 3.75, is at the point where some days she requires a nap, other days she does not) is that I tuck her into her bed, often with a snack and a glass of water, and we have an understanding that it doesn't matter whether she sleeps or not, but she has to stay in her room and play quietly. Sometimes she drifts off right away; other times she plays (talking to herself) for a while, then goes to sleep; sometimes she never goes to sleep at all, in which case she gets restless and begins calling to me after an hour or so. As far as I'm concerned, any of these options is a-OK.

In addition to just sticking to the established daily rhythm, the other strategy that has made this a success for us is to have ongoing conversations about how important it is to both of us to have down time/ quiet time. We are both relatively introverted, which helps: when I explain how quiet time, where I get to zone out and think or read or putter, helps me to recharge, that's something she can relate to. It might be harder with an introvert parent/extrovert child combo. But in any case, talking about it a lot outside of nap/quiet time has helped a lot. If she protests at all (pretty rare), I just remind her of all the things we've discussed about how quiet time helps us have a better day, and that settles her right down.

I really couldn't do without this part of the day (again, I am relatively introverted, which is a big factor). We can skip it occasionally, if we are out and about or very busy, but on most days it is absolutely essential to my sanity (and to hers).

Hope some of these ideas help! Good luck!

 

[snoopy5386]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexsam I know you said no school, but.... school . I was hesitant for all the usual reasons that moms here at mdc are not always big on pre-school, but... it turns out we found an absolutely amazing school that ds truly loves, a teacher that has become a personal mentor for me- she is so wise and loving. And, I got my 3 hours a day back. It actually really helped me re-center, he came home tired and happy, doing things I could not have done at home (music, yoga, big messy art projects, plays). Pre-school turned out to be a wonderful thing for all of us. You could also consider a mothers helper (a local middleschooler to come play with her while you are home) or a "kid exchange" with a friend where you take both for a couple hours, then she takes both. Quiet time never worked for us personally...

She does actually go to a preschool program one day a week right now, but it is 30 mins away and only 2 hours long so I just hang out there. She just started so I have been hanging out and reading (it is in a nature center) but in the next couple of weeks I am going to venture out and do my grocery shopping, etc. All the preschools close by here suck - aka Montessori 5 days a week and $5000 a year, so that isn't happening, church affiliated and we are not religious so those are out. I am left with exactly 3 preschools none of which I am pleased with. The nature center program will go up to 2 days a week in the fall, but I am not sure what to do when she turns 4.

 

[snoopy5386]

Today she is napping thank goodness!! We did quiet time yesterday and she came out every 5 mins! I am going to have to get a gate. Crafts don't work because once again, she won't do ANYTHING alone - I must paint, draw, playdoh, etc right along with her. Sigh.
It is not even the lack of afternoon break that is bothering me that much it is the constant "Mom?" "Mom? Will you ________ with me? Where did you go?, etc" I can't go pee or change a load of laundry or anything without her right. there. I just wish she would give me oh I don't know, 10 mins an hour to myself to check email, have a thought, etc. I am a huge introvert and she is a huge extrovert and it is hard......My neighbor girls are 7 and 9 right now so I am hoping in a year when I have another baby I can hire them as mother's helpers to play with DD. We'll see.....But I swear, the "Mom? Mom? Mom?" coupled with no nap is driving me nuts! I always have to make her stuffed animals, blanket, plastic figures, etc talk all day long. She'll get into her play kitchen I'll sit there for 10 mins while she is cooking for me, totally ignoring me, but god forbid I get up to wash a dish or check my email, she is right there!! Even though she was just ignoring me a second ago. If I am not being forced to play with her, I am being forced to watch her play. She will not let us both do our own thing in the same room and it is annoying!!!

 

[orangefoot]

This is a stage that will pass. transitions are always difficult when they are happening but what you get to on the other side is always a little improvement.

She is bugging you because she is excited about stuff and she is needy of your time and your self. Thank goodness you are there or what would she do?

I know you say you are an introvert and I get that it must be difficult for you but if you frame her interactions with you as bothersome you will feel more bothered.

What can she do alongside you that you could feel comfortable with? Get her doing little jobs for you fetching stuff or moving things. Can she write letters while you write letters? Sort magazines while you sort bills?

When does she go to bed? Can you have quiet time while she is asleep at night? If you can then make the most of it! Mine are all pretty nocturnal and none of them have napped since they were under 18mo.

In 3 months you will see a totally different little person so hang on in there.