[AnyMama]

My daughter is 2.5 years old. She is such a smart and spirited child, but she has also always listened and responeded so well. Until this week. Usually if I ask her to do something, she does it. Occasionally I have to explain to her why, but once I've explained something, she remembers and if I ask again, she complies<br><br>
example: love, Mommy's asking you not to climb on that chair because you could very easily fall down and bump your head.<br>
Next day climbing: sweetie, could you please come down from there? Why don't we climb on things???<br>
"Bump a head!"<br><br><br>
However now she's running right by me yelling "NO!" when I ask her to do something. It is getting to be so frustrating, I'm having a hard time keeping calm.<br><br>
Any ideas?

 

[RoseRed]

I always loved the no stage when I worked in day cares. It was probably the funnest time lol. suddenly the natural connesquence take effect even more and you can see there little mids trying to find a way around it.<br><br>
Alot of the no comes from children trying to place themselves in the world, find there boundries, and make there own choices and decisions. Easiest way to help this stage along and make life a bit easier is to give them a choice. Even if they both end in what you want to happen the choice makes all the difference<br><br>
I always laugh when I think of this stage as my poor very non Ap sister in law threatens her kids with Jesus to get them to do something. Until one day her three year old stomped around the house for five hours screaming 'I don't beleive in jesus' She probably still threatens them with jesus but i can still laugh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">

 

[purplepixiewing]

I totally agree with RoseRed, she's just to the point of finding out she's her own person. Choices really do work wonders, it will cut down your frustration and she'll still get to express he independence.

 

[The4OfUs]

Congratulations! You've entered the "Hey, wait - I'm my own person and don't have to do whatever mommy says!" phase! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
Totally normal. Totally aggravating, but totally normal. Choices work sometimes. Working out alternative experiences ("honoring the impulse") works sometimes. Letting them have their "no" works too, especially when it's not a big deal. "You know what kiddo? You're right. No big deal." Giving a "yes, let's just do X to keep it safe" works sometimes. Being playful helps, too. When all else fails, I make a kind, gentle statement about what needs to happen, if he says no I repeat it and say I'll do it for/with him, and then if he still refuses I follow through. Which sometimes didn't go over real big, but that's happening less and less often than it used to.<br><br>
I've said it before and I'll say it again: 2-1/2 to 3 yrs old has been my LEAST favorite time thus far. Old enough to know that he was his own person, but not old enough to be willing to compromise. Some kids are good negotiaters from the get go - others, well, not so much. It's only since mine turned 3 that I've been able to have actual conversations and discussions with him about alternative solutions when he wants one thing and I want another. Up until that point I would offer alternatives and if he didn't bite, I'd take the path of least resistance and get whatever it was done quickly. Now, mind you, this was for things that really "mattered" to ME, like getting to appointments and safety issues. I rethought a LOT about what really matters to me and what doesn't, and "allowed" him to do a lot of things that many parents probably wouldn't. But, the boundaries I did set were enforced, gently and calmly (well, calmly most of the time - nobody's perfect...).<br><br>
I'd probably ditch asking her if she knows the reasons why you don't want her doing things when it really matters to you because that just invites dissent - AND, even if she knows why she shouldn't be doing something, she probably can't resist the impulse to do it. Impulse control is VERY sketchy in the 2-3 set...and even beyond. Our son has gotten way better at impulse control in the past few months, and he's 3 yrs 4 mos. If you don't want her on the chair (which I wound't personally have a problem with - see above - I'd just teach her how to be on the chair safely), then I'd just say, "Please get down from the chair, it's not safe." and then if she didn't, I'd go get her, remind her again, and then move the chairs if I had to because she can't keep herself off of them...but in cases like that when it's a repeated thing, I usually try to find a way to make it work because they're clearly sending the message that it's something they NEED to do, so it's up to us as the parent to find a way to make it safe and acceptable to us.<br><br>
Good luck! It's a wild ride!!

 

[birdie22]

DS is doing this too. I'm going to try some of PP's suggestions.<br><br>
One thing that sometimes works, is just to do instead of talking. For example, if I say "It's time for a fresh diaper," ds will say "NO!" and probably start to whine or cry. If I just go get it and start changing him, he doesn't protest at all. Another version of this is getting into the car. If I telll him it's time to go he will say "NO!" If I just go over to the car and open the door and stand there, he will often climb in without protest.<br><br>
This doesn't always work of course, but sometimes it does.<br><br>
Of course this is in some ways the opposite of the "countdown" transitions that have worked so well for us. I guess you just have to trust your instincts as to whether the "NO" is really sincere, or just oppositional.

 

[nd_deadhead]

Try to avoid "don't" statements. Instead of "don't climb on the chair", say "Sit on your bottom" or "feet on the floor". When she sits, say "Thank you! Chairs are for sitting!"<br><br>
The other advantage to this is that YOU are not saying No very often.<br><br>
They DO do things over and over, and that's part of figuring out how the world works. Are the rules the same today as they were yesterday? She is going through SUCH a tremendous set of changes at this age, that a lot of things ARE new and different from one week to the next.<br><br>
My twin boys always had to make sure the rules applied equally to both of them - if I told one to sit on a chair instead of stand, the other one would stand on his chair, to see if I made him sit too!<br><br>
Since you know that she wants to say No, try not to set up situations where she can say it. For example, instead of saying "Will you help me pick up these toys?" (and inviting a big No), say "It's time to pick up toys now", and start doing it. She may or may not help you, but at least her choice isn't the opposite of your choice, and there's no power struggle involved.

 

[mamaduck]

I always respond to the question "why?" but I don't always give a reason up front when I make a request. Too much talking muddies the waters. Not only that, but sometimes they decide our reason is not valid. (Case in point -- my younger son pretty much never falls, and cautioning that he might fall and hurt himself is a joke -- because he is a monkey, and we both know it. Even still, we don't missuse furniture, kwim?)<br><br>
1) Try to state things as simply, specifically, and with few words as possible.<br><br>
2) Try to state things in the positive -- tell her what she CAN do or NEEDS to do instead of what she IS doing.<br><br>
3) Try to provide an outlet for the activity she wants/needs to be engaging in.<br><br>
So -- in the climbing on the chair example:<br><br><i>"Feet on the floor, please</i>." or <i>"Bottom on the chair, please."</i> or <i>"Chairs are for sitting on</i>."<br><br>
And then, "<i>If you need to climb, lets go to the steps</i>." Or the playground, or the backyard, or the jungle gym, or whatever outlet you can reasonably offer her.