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Several months ago, our two oldest (3 3/4 & 2 1/2) began constantly whining for everything. It was exhausting. The 2 1/2 yr old also added a 'panick' that I've only just started to break through, but the whining stopped within two days and if it returns, it lasts as long as a single sentence, and then it's gone again for days/weeks. I have no idea if this will resonate with anyone else's children, but I thought I'd share because I remember seeing a few whining threads.<br><br>
When my dc whined, the conversation went like this:<br><br>
dc: I waaant water, mummie, I neeeeed water. Waaaaaaaateeeeerrrrr.<br>
me: I hear that you would like some water. Is that true?<br>
dc: Yaaaah. I neeeeeed water!<br>
me: Mummie knows you need water now. Thank you for telling me. Are you confident that mummie will give you some water? (I know that's weird)<br>
dc: yes<br>
me: Well then, can you speak confidently about your needs and know that mummie will meet them as well as I can?<br>
dc: yes. May I have water, please? (spoken with confidence)<br>
me: of course. Thank you for being confident that I am doing my best!<br><br>
I know the conversation is weird, but I saw that they seemed to want confirmation that I will meet their needs as they make them known and I am able. I don't know what instigated their initial lack of confidence in this, if that was indeed the case, but it was very quickly alleviated. Our daily interractions also include a lot of me telling them that I need them to tell me what they need if they would like me to help them. They are both highly verbal and understand what I am saying to them. I even hear them going through this type of reasoning with each other, which is neat, and funny if anyone else hears it!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
All in hopes that this will help even just one mum! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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That's a great story and thanks for sharing. I don't think my daughter understands the word confidence right now but I'll tuck that away for later use. We use the standard "try it in your nice voice" approach which works but requires continual reminding. Thanks for something to think about.
 

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thank you!
 

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Now if I could just stop myself from whining! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter #8
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>chfriend</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7905019"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Now if I could just stop myself from whining! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I completely know what you mean! And it's funnier when my children ask me to 'try again in a nice voice'! (I say that for grouchy voices.)
 

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Thanks! My 2 year old just started whining and it is driving me BONKERS!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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Wow! What a great idea. I think our issue might be because ds often has to wait for a minute while I finish with dd, so his needs aren't being met as he needs/wants them to be. Also, he is very repetitive in his questioning...and will often ask 5 or 6 more times, even as I am filling the request! It does drive me bonkers, and often I will tell him "I heard you the first time and I am blahing the blah blah blah, so you'll have your blah in just a second. Please be patient" Dh taught him the word patience and ds is SOOOO proud of himself when he is successfully patient. We tell him "thank you for being a patient boy, that was very nice" and he just yells "Yes, I was so patient!" But this made me realize that I need to make sure his needs/wants are being respectfully met so that he can have that confidence. All to often I become a "selfish" parent. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I have a 5 year old whiner, and I am going to try this with her. It's good on so many levels... good for her self esteem, good for mine, great as an exercise in manners. Thank you!!
 

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I love it! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Lately we've been attacking the whine monster. Eeeeek. Simon expels the whine monster (blowing it out, coughing it out... whatever) or I yank it out of him and we throw it in the air and kick at it or otherwise attack it (!). Sound effects (oooh eeeh upgh...) are very important! He starts laughing and the whining is gone. I think the physicality of what we do often helps as well. This isn't an approach I would have chosen on my own... I see it as working with his personality... at least that is my excuse... We also talk about his needs and how he sometimes gets whiny and cranky when they aren't met (just like mom!), relating them to the whine monster... or the cranky monster... and then once he is feeling a bit better we sort out how to meet his needs so that he can return to happiness. He has always been drawn to slapstick humour (and I think I secretly find it a bit amusing too)... eeeeeek... I'm glad to have something more civilized to try next time. I love teaching Simon big words and don't think "confidence" has come up yet... so yeee haw. The more gentle approaches the merrier (if beating up pretend whine monsters and throwing them against walls and so on counts as gentle!). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I'm going to try a variant of your brilliant whine response formula when Simon gets angry at me next. I think I've slipped into some negative habits lately... and as a result he has been a bit less trustful of me... so thank-you for leading me to that idea too (and I think I forget to thank-you above for sharing your whine response... so thank-you again)!
 

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BRAVO!!!!<br><br>
I recently read <span style="text-decoration:underline;">How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Your Kids Will Talk</span> and this is exactly the way they describe how to handle whining.<br><br><br>
Way to go!!!
 

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Dal, I LOVE the whine monster! I think we're going to do battle tonight. That would be right up ds' alley. He can even wear his red, velveteen cloak. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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My 2 year old whiner is HARSH. He will "break" or drop something and then look at it and shriek "mark boke it, mummy fix it aaahhhhh", it's just ear splitting. The ONLY thing that works is to put on this sugary, syrupy happy face and say, in a crazy fake happy voice "Do you need my help? Help please, Mummy". And he mimics it, suddenly signing "please" and completely changing his attitude. The deliberate whine is totally separate from his "i'm too tired to handle myself you waited to long to feed me i'm going to scream until your head explodes" whine, which is usually all my fault.
 

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I love it! I think this will work with my kids, and on top of that we'll probably end up laughing cuz it is kind of funny.
 
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