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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I got tired of being a lemming and skipped a NST today (for the day after 41 weeks).<br><br>
The midwife was concerned but calm. But she's still pushing for more "natural induction" stuff. None of which has done anything useful even though I've been having strong "false labor" contractions for weeks now.<br><br>
The OB was just horrible. Mentioned "dead baby" 3 times in our short conversation. Because he "might" be breech (he was vertex yesterday) and he is certain to be huge, and because I'm horrible for not inducing and risking his life and mine and she doesn't feel comfortable "letting" me have a vaginal birth if he's breech or "too big". I told her that my last birth was over 42 weeks, the baby was nearly 10 pounds, and it was 4 hours start to finish. But that didn't change her learned opinion in the slightest. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
Dh is wonderful--a staunch, vocal advocate of natural birth (to the point that most would call him an "extremist"<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: ). But he doesn't understand the fear factor involved since I'm the one having the baby and I'm the one who will be held responsible for the outcome. He thinks the OB is an idiot, but doesn't understand why her mention of baby's death would get to me. I think she's an idiot too but I can't help but worry.<br><br>
My mom is great too, also an advocate of natural birth but I think dh is right that she's not totally trustworthy on this--she is an MD. And if she comes with me as my support, I might end up with two doctors strongly urging me to get cut instead of just one. And it would be even harder to say no to my mother. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Ick. I'm in a pressure cooker now. UC "by accident" is starting to look like a very real option.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
sorry you're feeling alone on this. it must be so hard trying to protect yourself and your baby from unnecessary interventions when someone (a mighty doctor, no less!) is saying "dead baby!!!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
i don't know what i would do in your situation, and i'm not a mama yet, but FWIW i think you're handling it beautifully. i've been following your story for the last couple weeks, and i've found it very inspiring. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"><br><br>
it takes a lot of strength to listen to your own instincts.
 

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I was 2 weeks late with my second and 3 weeks with my third who knows what will happen o my 4th <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Anyway the comments from everybody about going late was enough to drive me insane.<br><br>
We stopped answering the phone and stopped going out in public.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I like your UC idea <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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According to most of the eight books I have read, and numerous articles and websites, normal "cooking time" is anywhere from 38 weeks to 44.<br><br>
YES 44. I thought that was wrong, but asked about it and was assured, yes, 44. The 40 weeks gestation period was arbitrarily decided by some doctor in the late 19th century, but I can't remember who or where I read that. And remember that those first two weeks are from LMP anyway. Not actual gestational period.<br><br>
Don't worry. I have never heard of a baby being "too well done."<br><br>
But, if somebody else has, please let us know!
 

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Oh Momma, I feel for you.<br><br>
My DD came 21 days "late". I did one NST at around 14 days "late" and everything was perfect, we were not expecting to find anything wrong. After doing it I decided that it was kinda dumb, my home birth midwife and I were perfectly capable of listening to the heartbeat reaction to contractions and get the same info (just no printout).<br><br>
I received a call at home from one of the hospital midwives 2 days later (the one I had not met BTW) and she started in on all the dead baby crap..."you are going to kill the baby if you don't come in for an induction".<br><br>
At 2 weeks plus "late" and a first time mom you can bet I was really freaked out and emotional.<br><br>
Hang in there Momma. Good for you for being so strong and doing what you feel is the best for you and the baby (and yeah Daddy!).
 

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<b>I received a call at home from one of the hospital midwives 2 days later (the one I had not met BTW) and she started in on all the dead baby crap..."you are going to kill the baby if you don't come in for an induction".</b><br><br><br>
Ok, so I ask: Has anyone really heard of this? Is there evidence that you can "KILL YOUR BABY" by incubating too long??? I know there can be problems with placentas or fluids, but really, has anyone ever heard of delivering a dead baby because they were pregnant too long?<br>
I'm asking, because I really have never heard of this.
 

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Its unfortunate... SO SO SO SO SO unfortunate, but "the dead baby card" is a very commonly used scare tactic to get moms to accept treatment they are refusing. I was told repeatedly that if I did not have a cesarean I was going to kill my baby. They even went to the one person who was my rock (he attended every single OB appt w/ me), my husband, and asked him "if he was willing to let me kill HIS child" in an effort to break down my support system.<br><br>
I know its horrible to hear, and I cried when they said it, but just because they say it doesnt mean its right. How many times do they pull the "dead baby card" and actually explain in detail what can happen medically, if you don't do x, y and z? Very few I would guess. They try to play on your fears and your helplessness in being a pregnant woman (we can hold our babies in utero, but we cant really control their outcome) instead of discussing facts.<br><br>
I went in and asked for details and statistics as to why they would believe that I would kill my baby. NOBODY could give them to me. Not even the head OB could give me more than a vague reference to acog reccomending a cesarean "in my case".<br><br>
Accept that it hurts momma, and that the death of a baby is a very real fear, NO MATTER WHERE YOU BIRTH, and then try to accept that it was not a fact based comment, but a manipulation based comment. They can't handle people going outside of their comfort zone, and you threw them off balance so they lashed out. *hugs*
 

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As fast as your first came, nobody would doubt the "oops, we didn't make it" story. I, of course, think UC rules. Having had one, I'm biased.<br><br>
The risk of stillbirth increases a little at 42 weeks, but only creeps up slowly and still is a very, very small risk. It goes up more sharply after 44 weeks.
 

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Good for you for standing up for what YOU believe is right. I ended up with a c/s after typical cascade of interventions following a NST/BPP at 41w1d after a completely normal, uneventful, perfect pregnancy.<br><br>
I was diagnosed with "low" amniotic fluid, which I now know was a bunch of bull. My baby was fine, and wasn't done cooking.<br><br>
I SO wish I had skipped that NST/BPP like you did!<br><br>
OB's throw around the "dead baby card" ALL the time. They know women are at their most vunerable during those last few weeks, and know this statement will often get women to do what they (the OB) wants & what is in the best interest of the OB - regardless of whether it is in the best interest of the woman or her baby.<br><br>
Turn the phone off, gestate in peace, stop talking to the OB and your Mom and listen to your own instincts Mama!<br><br><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">DS 5/03; DD 2/06 (HBAC!)<br>
==============<br><span style="color:#FF0000;">"Now is the time to make maternity-care mother friendly for mothers today and future generations of mothers. Now is the time to be BOLD."</span> ~Karen Brody, founder, <a href="http://www.birthonlaborday.com/" target="_blank">BOLD</a></span>
 

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I personally wouldn't take any more calls from the OB who brought up you killing your baby by not inducing now. I'd let the practice know that you do not wish to speak to that person for using unkind and unneccesary scare tactics.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thank you all so much. I really needed the encouragement. I was so upset yesterday I was having trouble catching my breath. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cappuccinosmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7966578"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thank you all so much. I really needed the encouragement. I was so upset yesterday I was having trouble catching my breath. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:</div>
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how are you today, mama?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Feeling OK. Thank you for asking. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Even having some contractions since last night. They didn't go away when I got up this morning, but they're not getting any stronger either, so who knows what it all means.
 

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I'm glad you're doing better today.<br><br>
Trust yourself. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> You know what you need! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cappuccinosmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7957976"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Because he "might" be breech (he was vertex yesterday)</div>
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That's right, if a baby is breech at 36 weeks you might as well schedule the c-section for 38 weeks, but at 41 weeks a vertex baby has *all* kinds of room to flip.
 

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Why on earth are they scheduling you for NSTs only a day after 41 weeks? Did you have concerns about feeling less movement or something?<br><br>
After the birth so she can't do anything to you, tell your OB that it is cruel and unprofessional of her to use lies to manipulate women.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Why on earth are they scheduling you for NSTs only a day after 41 weeks? Did you have concerns about feeling less movement or something?</td>
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You know, it was just sheer stupidity on my part to let them. I didn't even think about it. Dumb, dumb, dumb.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cappuccinosmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7976959"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You know, it was just sheer stupidity on my part to let them. I didn't even think about it. Dumb, dumb, dumb.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:</div>
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don't be mad at yourself. it's completely ludicrous that we have to be so "on our toes" with our guards up all the time in dealing with doctors. it's no surprise everyone slips up from time to time and agrees to something they might've thought better of. i know i have, and do.<br><br>
sometimes i am mad at myself for not "managing" my doctor better, but then i remember what's so messed up is that i even have to think about "managing" him <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: that's sure not my fault!
 

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I agree that after the birth a letter about lying and playing the dead baby card are most unprofessional.<br><br>
BTW, a first time mom on the UC forum just had a 10lb+ baby girl, so I guess 10 must not be too big.
 
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