[meemee]

its spring break. for both of us. so we are having a lot of fun under the sun.

but as i sit in the park, i find my role as a parent changing.

so i am in a v. nostalgic mood and would love to hear your thoughts too.

by time i was able to have my dd i was 37. my marriage broke up and so it became mostly my dd and me with her dad coparenting. i enjoyed that because i was able to fully focus on my dd - and i became just not her mom but her sibling, friend, 'boss'.

my dd is now 6 1/2. and our times at the park have changed.

now my dd has always been more independent. a free spirit. always wanting to do her own thing.

so nowadays at the park i am just the 'babysitter' - someone keeping an eye on her. she plays by herself. i read and keep the treasures she brings to have me protect them for her till she can go home and put them in her treasure box. she doesnt need me to push her on the swing. she doesnt need me to go down the really tall slide. she doesnt need me to watch her and clap my hands and show how excited i am that she mastered something.

i no longer have to read to her. nowadays our house is silent a lot because someone has her nose buried in her book. which actually takes our relationship to a deeper level. we both may snuggle under the covers with our legs twined and propped up with pillows as we share the silence broken by either a question of what does teh word mean, or of sharing a passage which is either lyrical or funny. i am so grateful we are so alike and share the same hobbies.

she still needs me to wipe her bottom, but things that once filled my life is absent these days. no choosing outfits or socks or shoes. no helping with baths. no brushing hair or even tying or braiding them. no clearing up the table. no more 'teaching' moment in the sense of adult talking to child. its more a discussion. even with discipline issues.

discipline is so different these days. there is so much more of an understanding. the 'toddler' moment is still there. and tantrums are still there - but with a different flavour. kinda a more grown up flavour. i dont feel so much in charge anymore. which is great on one hand. but on the other so much more difficult. its no longer 'because i am the elder and i know better.' disciplining was so much more simpler.

and yet my parenting mistakes are forgiven so much easier these days.

it seems like i dont live with a baby anymore. but a fast growing up little girl.

and i miss the babyhood. even the tantrums and diapers and throwing food. i wish i had not been so intense about some things. like throwing food. all in time always works out.

these glorious spring days our activites look so different. i am filled with excitement of watching this little thing bloom into a young woman and yet i miss that little cuddly, helpless, adoring eyed baby.

 

[Shaki]

Thank you for that beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes. And it reminded me to really be present with my little one...not be in a hurry, etc. Thank you for sharing.

 

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Beautiful post, mama.

DD is 4.25, and I was just having those same feelings today, remembering how she toddled on the trampoline not so long ago, and now she's running about doing sommersaults. How bedtime used to be me rocking her to sleep while nursing... now bedtimes are verbal discussion (that tend to go on and on).

I like the breathing space I sometimes have now, the ability to be in my own head after 3 years or so of never having any time to myself, but I miss those soft, fuzzy baby curls, and the way she called candy "Ikey."

I miss it even more because I'm pretty sure, at 45, there will not be another little one.

 

[boatbaby]

Wow - you made me cry.

I have to say that I have such a keen awareness of this every day as it unfolds in slow motion. And the only thing that makes me sadder than losing that babyhood, is seeing/ hearing/ reading about other parents who don't appreciate it. Parents who force their kids to grow up too soon, to be independent when they are 3... don't get me started.

What a sweet mama you are!

 

[TEAK's Mom]

I'm right there with you. My dd1 turned seven yesterday. It's both joyous to watch her grow and hard to let go of the sweet little baby.

 

[chipper26]

So sweet.

This struck a cord with me b/c a moment ago I was just nursing my LO to sleep. She was all cuddled against me with her top leg resting on my arm. After she fell asleep she smiled and then let out a tiny laugh. I was looking at her and thinking about how I wanted to burn that image, that moment into my memory so I could always remember this special, yet fleeting time. She's 9 months old and started to crawl yesterday. Time is flying and I feel like each moment is so precious and I want to hold on a little longer. I'm getting teary writing this. But I'm also finding that with each new phase I continue enjoying it and looking forward to what she'll do next - wondering how she's going to change and grow.

So I'm at the beginning of the journey. However, I'll be 40 in a few months and there's a good chance she might be my only child, so this may be my only experience with babyhood, etc...only one time around. It makes me even more nostalgic.

 

[meemee]

i wrote this at the park this am. there was no one there at that time. it was HOT. i was sitting under the shade and just could not read.

: and there was my baby girl swinging away alone happily singing away and feeling the breeze in her flying hair with her eyes closed. she was giggling too as the hair tickled her.

i was maybe 10 or 15 feet away under the shade on a bench with the whole play structure between us. my heart bled for her. she looked soooo alone. so small. this new thing of not needing me closer, this new thing of just enjoying these moments just made my heart bleed.

there was a part of me that was celebrating that moment of enjoyment with her. it seemed such an intimate moment for her and i felt like an 'interloper' watching. but a huge part of me was crying as i saw this young girl instead of the child i was used to seeing.

BellinghamCrunchie - yes i think that's part of it for me too. i have started perimenopause and with no man in sight - no more kids for me.

 

[kdescalzi]

I know exactly how you moms feel. My ds is almost 2.5 and I am due next month with baby#2. Not a day goes by that I don't wish that I could freeze time and the moments I share with my baby. I get very sad when I think that he is not really a baby anymore and there will soon be a baby in our world. These are my last moments with ds before the demands of a newborn change our relationship and it is exciting and also sad. Everyday I am amazed at how much he learns and remembers and understands. It feels like yesterday when he could not walk or talk and we spent most of our time with him in my arms...now he is off and running every chance he gets. I never knew you could love this much!!! and I really do want him to be little forever!

 

[lilya'smum]

DD is turning 7 in May and i'm dyiiiing

 

[Mamafreya]

Oh man that was such a sweet post. Meemee, save that for her to read when she is grown.

I was just thinking how fast my dd has grown and changed. She just turned 7 and while I am so happy to see what a strong, sweet, girl she's turning into, it also makes me sad. She was just my little baby the other day and now she's talking about where she's going to live when she's an adult and she just started to say, "Mommmm" in a disdainful way. LOL. They just grow so fast. I need to take more pictures.

 

[southernmama]

Great post- I have been meditating on this lately so much that i wrote a short story about it- here's a small part that sums up my feelings about the bittersweet experience of watching my kids grow:

In the morning, Lola burns her fingers on a steaming bowl of oatmeal as she carries it from the microwave to the kitchen table without a potholder. Her son's face seems to have changed in the night. His plump cheeks are thinning out and his face is losing its baby-like innocence. She reaches across the table to brush from his eyes a strand of fine blonde hair, still matted from sleep. For a moment, she can glimpse him as a man. Soon, she thinks, the mischievous glint in his eye will be used to woo a girl instead of score an extra five minutes of Sesame Street. He will be wanting the door closed when he bathes and privacy in the bathroom. She will no longer have unrestricted access to his person. His soft little boy body will grow long and hard and will no longer fit in her lap or fold neatly into her arms.

She fakes a cheerful smile and asks, "Who wants juice?" as she pulls her purple tank top down over her now soft belly and looks hard at her children. Milo's summer pajama pants are at least three inches too short. Mary's tangled red hair nearly reaches her shoulders and her hips seem to hold the merest hint of a swell. There's something about watching her own children grow that makes her painfully aware of the passage of time. It is impossible to ignore the years gone by when they morph little babies into grown children across the breakfast table. Lola wonders, not for the first time, if the simple act of growing up can be a betrayal.

Lola sighs as she catches a glimpse her own face in the shiny stainless steel of the toaster: still pretty, her forehead wrinkled with expression and age, slightly dark circles bag beneath her sleepy green eyes, the cluttered chaos of a dirty kitchen behind her. She may still fancy herself an overgrown college girl, but as her children ripen from the tender innocence of babies into the hardness of childhood, there is concrete evidence that indeed, she too is aging. Her future has flipped to the past with astonishing speed; a blur of diaper changes, spelling words, dinners cooked, and endless piles of laundry. The only evidence of her children's babyhoods now exists in photographs and the echoes of her mind. Her life as their mother is so quickly disappearing that, like the fading rings a stone makes when it is tossed into the water, she wonders if it was ever really there at all.

 

[Caneel]

I relate to all written in this thread. Sometimes I have to stop myself from thinking about it because it hurts so much.

 

[rainbowmoon]

:

 

[boatbaby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by southernmama Soon, she thinks, the mischievous glint in his eye will be used to woo a girl instead of score an extra five minutes of Sesame Street. He will be wanting the door closed when he bathes and privacy in the bathroom. She will no longer have unrestricted access to his person. His soft little boy body will grow long and hard and will no longer fit in her lap or fold neatly into her arms.

 

[Devaskyla]

Gotta stop reading these threads when I'm hormonal

 

[quaz]

I always love your posts.

I get it. I've seen changes in my oldest. We still have some doozy of tantrums, but she is maturing. She still needs me, probably more than yours does. I think in my case, it is because of the 'competition' for attention among three kids. That has always been my big regret with her... never having the time for the intense amount of 'need' she has to talk, to share, or whatever. She's always been pushed to mature faster than she was ready for. By the time I find large chunk of times for her, she won't need it anymore. I think that is the blessing and curse of more than one child.

Tammy

 

[ceilydhmama]

I feel torn by the changes too. I really noticed it on a trip last summer - I felt like part of me was missing - so much of the time. I was so used to her being there, needing me, checking in with me and just sometimes shadowing me

- that her self-sufficiency was hard to get used to.
I guess in those moments, I focus on how well I must be doing my job - and learn to see the new stage as the adventure it is. There is a beauty to watching them from a distance - out in the world...