Mothering Forum banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,138 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
You know that song "The Sounds of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel? The words keep resonating in my brain lately.<br><br>
"Hello darkness, my old friend<br>
I've come to talk with you again<br>
Because a vision softly creeping<br>
Left its seeds while I was sleeping<br>
And the vision that was planted in my brain<br>
Still remains<br>
Within the sound of silence"<br><br>
The darkness is creeping in to my life again, has found the way in even through everything I've been doing to work on what happened. Everywhere I turn I find that I see/hear/feel my uncle there. I've been doing some pretty intense work with my psychiatrist, am on multiple medications, have been going to <a href="http://www.siawso.org/" target="_blank">SIA</a> meetings weekly. I've been writing nearly every day in hopes that getting it all out on the page will help me to rid it from my life. It isn't working.<br><br>
My sleep is so poor that I literally don't know how I make it through any one day. I wake up dozens of times a night from nightmares that seem as real as anything happening in my life today. I've got wonderful IRL friends who know most of what I've survived and they are fabulous. I worry so much about wearing them out though that I only ask for help when I am past the point it is likely they will be able to help. I feel so damn needy that I make myself physically ill. There have been a few times in the last three months that I've questioned if I should be in a hospital or not. The honest truth is I don't know. Talking about it with my psychiatrist isn't particularly helpful either because she just asks me where I think I need to be.<br><br>
I wish there was someplace I could go to spew out *everything*. Every fucking little thing that happened, that I fixate on, that I remember and relive. I don't know where this place is though. I've talked with my psychiatrist about starting EMDR and she says that right now it seems anything in addition to what I'm already doing could put me over the edge. I want to tell her I've been over that edge for some time now. I want to, but I can't. I bring her bits and pieces of what I've written throughout the week and read it to her. Some of it is too intense for me to read so she reads it outloud. When she does, sometimes I don't even recognize what I've written as something that happened to me. I wonder if that makes me crazier. I want to ask her if I'm insane. I feel like I am. I feel lost and I don't know how to get back to *me*. I don't even have a clue.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,916 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I wish I had more to offer.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,960 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
What medications are you on, if it is OK to ask? I know that nightmares and hallucinations are side effects of some meds. I know these are also "symptoms" of being a survivor, but could it be you are on the wrong meds?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
5,234 Posts
I don't know a lot about this, but I just wanted to offer support. If you feel yourself getting to a scary place, maybe hospitalization could be the safest option for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
852 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Thinking of you and sending you light.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,488 Posts
is the psychiatrist your sole mental health care provider? it is okay to have a "team" . . . you could go to someone else for emdr. it must be frustrating to have it delayed and put off when you believe it could provide some relief.<br><br>
are you open to energy work or other non-clinical healing like reiki, soul retrieval, chakra work? i admit that i don't share a similar background, but this is the kind of thing i need when i can't stop my mind from racing and i feel attacked by and imprisoned by my thoughts. even yoga is helpful for me, but when i'm in that state, i have to have a teacher or my mind just keeps going and it doesn't work for me.<br><br>
it must also be really hard to be the psychiatrist, because they can "assess" until the cows come home but can never really feel what you're feeling, so ultimately they don't necessarily know what you need most.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,877 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>doubledutch</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15369972"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">is the psychiatrist your sole mental health care provider? it is okay to have a "team" . . . you could go to someone else for emdr. it must be frustrating to have it delayed and put off when you believe it could provide some relief.<br><br>
are you open to energy work or other non-clinical healing like reiki, soul retrieval, chakra work?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">that i agree that sometimes, it takes more person and type of treatment. try to poke around and explore the options available to you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,138 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
*
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,138 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Looked at all my meds and it looks like the one I'm missing is another supplement - magnesium citramate.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top