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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
There's a voice inside me that whispers "you can do better for yourself."
I don't believe the voice, but I wish I could. I feel like if I take the risk and go solo with my daughter that I will just be chasing illusions. My husband tells me that I'm just as much a part of the problems as he is. Am I selfish to believe otherwise?

I am not turned on by him like I should be to my husband. He is a friend and I love him dearly, but there is no heat from my end. Part of me thinks it's my problem, my issue, that it would be like this with anyone. But the dreamer in me longs for bliss, for passion, for a partner that is on the same wavelength as I am.

I am scared of possibly being a single mother, of setting out into the world of working full time and putting my sweet little daughter in the hands of someone else. I treasure our endless days together of playing and hanging out at home, reading books, loving each other. I wonder if I should stay in the marriage so that I can continue being with her as much as I do now.

Ugh. I don't post often at all, but needed to vent. Do you have words of wisdom? Or just words?
 

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I have definate issues with passion towards my DH..eventhough i DO love him with all my heart. I have thought about leaving. Then i think the only real reason i am wanting to leave is because i am looking for that "new" passion that always tapers off as the relationship grows in other ways.

Honestly i know this is a problem that is MINE and nothing he has done to make me feel this way. He is gone most of the time (trucker) but even when he is home all i want is him to watch the kids and give me a break for a while. Thankfully i have a VERY understanding DH and he knows how i feel. We still talk to each other like best friends. He does little things to bring out the passion.

Have you tried to talk to your DH about this? Maybe he would be willing to do things for you to get you in the mood or bring out the passion in your relationship again. Maybe it is just that you have gotten stuck in the hum drum same ole same ole and therefore the passion has cooled itself. I know for me that was how it all started.
 

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Quote:
I wonder if I should stay in the marriage so that I can continue being with her as much as I do now.
Hey mama,

This sentence really struck my heart. I too am in a situation where, a little different than yours, I don't feel anything towards my husband. We get along great as friends (most of the time), and most of the time work well as partners in parenting, but there's no love for him on my end.....I haven't felt it in so long, I don't know if it'll ever return, or if I even want it to return. Ultimately I think the years have just made us drift apart. I can *so* relate to how you wonder about if you should stay, being that it's ideal to stay with your dd as a SAHM, and not be forced to live life as a single mama, working and having to put your dd in someone else's care. I somtimes wonder is it fair for all involved in this equation.....is it fair to my husband being in an unloving marriage (he says he still loves me), is it fair for the kids to have 2 parents who aren't happily married, or fair to me to live my life without feeling love for someone like I know I can? Needless to say, there are so many things to think about and consider with all of this, and it's sometimes overwhelming. I have yet to tackle it all, and I know I can't keep it on the backburner forever. Anyways, I don't have any words of advice or experience, just a hug to let you know that you're not alone.
 

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I have a platonic marriage. Sometimes I long for what I think other people have: a long-term relationship that somehow still remains passionate. I never had a truly passionate, "sex is more important than sleep" type of relationship, and part of me is sad that I never will.

Still, I don't think we're doing ourselves a favor by dwelling on whether passion is still there. For me, trying to find passion isn't enough of a reason to give up being a SAHM.

Sure, it would be a great ego boost if my dh and I were still attracted to each other and still made love. But that isn't all there is to life.
 

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I too am in a loveless marriage where neither of us love eachother. It's pretty much never been otherwise. All these yrs that we've been married I've had a nagging feeling that this is not right. We don't even have sex anymore. We're actually on the brink of divorce. I'm almost looking forward to it. But also, so so scared of it. But to live a life of loneliness, never even touching, not connecting in any real way, not even communicating well, is a big drag.People are not meant to live this way I think, especially not married people. I don't place too much value on passion. To me that's adolescent stuff. But he's hardly even a friend.
 

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I can empathize with you. I hear the same voice. All the time. I could have written the previous post myself. Except for at the beginning we had a great sex life. But as time wore on we grew apart & we don't even have that anymore.
I feel trapped, I love staying home with my kids & I just don't know what to do. You are not alone. If you ever need to talk feel free to pm me.

AmiBeth
 

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have any of you read harville hendrix? sorry, can't remember the name of his relationship book offhand i have a headache, but it's awesome. i would suggest it for anyone having relationship problems, because unless you address your OWN issues, you will keep attracting the same partner and relationship over and over. also, perhaps you could try loving actions, because the action will lead to the feelings ... just a thought, sorry you're going through such a difficult time, but divorce is really really tough on kids and if you're great friends, you can parent her together until you're 18 ... i've been through a divorce and have seen first hand the difficult effects on kids even though others may say likewise.

best of luck to you,
mandi
 

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No real answers from me just a website which may or may not help...
This guy sort of specializes in getting men to be the husbands we want them to be. I used one of his illustrations (the bank one) when speaking with my husband last Saturday. It has really struck a chord in him and he "gets" it while before when it was just my words he didn't seem to.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

This part is a form about emotional needs to "feel" loved. It was really eye opening for me and helped me to see why my husband's actions which were done in love on his part didn't translate for me to "feeling" loved. I hope that sentence makes sense. He is into domestic support (taking out the trash)while I need more affection (a note or kiss). Go figure.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forms/enq.pdf

I hope that each of you finds room for love and passion in your marriage. You deserve it.

Happy Holidays,

Jenne
 

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I was reading this post and all I could think was how I was feeling the exact same thing about 7 months ago..and all it took was a big blow out fight and I was outta there... I packed up my son and moved home to pennsylvania from florida in one week. I got a full time job and put my formerly sahm'd son in daycare...I got an apartment and a car..and basically started our life over out of a suitcase....it was hard.. DAMN hard....and now my stbx moved up here...to be closer to ds again..and we are getting along better then ever..I missed him alot when he was still in florida..and I think about getting back with him but I still don't feel "the love"..I mean I LOVE him and he has gotten 100% better with DS...but there is still no...vavavoom...sigh..I often think I am just broken...a cold hearted b!tch w/no copacity to love..(cept for DS of course he is my world)...so I guess I don't have any real advice..just a btdt hugs and good luck t' ya sista... but honestly I have moments of regret...it was a nice world lived in...and now..its tough sometimes.... wow now I am depressed...
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thank you, mamas, for your heartfelt replies and empathy. Your different points of view are helping me so much, giving me a reality check. Seems like there are so many ways I could go about handling this, and I don't know which one is 'right' or if there is a right answer.

Zaxmama, thanks for your honesty from "the other side"!!

Love to you all,

Jill
 
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