I'm back-I posted a while back about trying to reconcile with my husband after he confessed his affair. He found out about all of my posts and went nuts. Anyway while we were trying, I didn't post anywhere. I made the decision this week that I'm done. He is still in contact with her and shows no remorse whatsoever and along with that, I've come to the conclusion that he has been verbally abusive. So after reading a lot about verbal abuse and the effects on my children, I've decided that a divorce is better than what we have been going through. I think the affair was just a continuation of the abuse in a more direct manner. We've been married 22 years and although a part of me will always love him no matter what, he's changed tremendously over the last 4 years and the person I married is "dead" in a way.
A part of me feels incredibly sad-like I made the biggest mistake of my life marrying him. I know I wouldn't have my kids if we hadn't though and they are not a mistake. The other part feels hopeful and relieved that the pain of all this will come to an end and I can look for someone who wants a good marriage as much as I do.
So we are trying to decide how to file-uncontested or contested. He wants to fight over money and quite frankly he's in a pickle because of how long we have been married. So he tried to get me to agree to sign a paper saying I wouldn't take him to court-laughable really. A divorce can be done in 30 days in our state but on average how long does it really take?
As long as we are married, I get to stay in the house, don't have to work, and have the bills paid-so it's to his advantage to have this over with quickly not mine. He's still seeing her but I feel obligated not to see anyone. A couple of men I know have told me they would like to date me after I'm divorced. I thought that was honorable, not to want to date me while I am divorcing. I am interested and flattered but I know I'm not really ready to move into a real relationship until this is over. One has called me several times just to chat and make sure I'm doing ok. I certainly don't want to jump from the fire into the pan but I don't want to close my eyes to something that could work out to be wonderful either. I guess I'll see how often he calls and how long his interest holds up.