[ewe+lamb]

Ok, so dd weaned a couple of months ago - all a bit of a surprise, but just recently she's been saying that one boob is for her and the other for baby, I just wonder that when she sees the new baby nursing that she'll want to start again - do i just let her try and go with the flow or say that since she decided to wean that it's best to stay that way (the latter is what dh wants to happen) it's all so confusing, she was only just over 2.5 when she weaned and I was expecting her to nurse for a lot longer, I've mentioned it at my LLL meetings but two of the leaders just say of course you must let her nurse and that sort of kills any of the other conversation or thoughts that may come from something like that - so I'm turning to you guys to help me out alittle.
Not sure how I feel about it all and I also don't want it to cause conflict within our family - not to mention my parents etc. HELP

 

[TiredX2]

Well since my initial reaction was, "Of course let her nurse" I am not sure you want to hear what I have to say.

It seems you want more information than that, but I'm not really sure *what* you are looking for. Possible issues w/allowing her to nurse again? Reasons a child still needs to nurse at going on 3? What? Ways to make your DH more receptive to the situation? Hints on dealing with the issue with extended family?

You mention causing conflict in your family--- can you expound on that? It seems like no matter what you do will cause conflict in your family in that what your DD wants/needs and what your DH wants are opposite. Now, in my opinion one of those people has a legitimate physical/physiological/psychologial *need* and one of those people has a societally based preference.

Look forward to discussing this further.

BTW, *love* your user name

But, are you going to change it after the birth?

 

[ewe+lamb]

Don't really know what I want to do! If I was completely by my self ie single mom I would just let her nurse - most of the information I have read says that that is the best thing to do and before she weaned I had prepared myself for tandem nursing - dh hadn't - still hasn't. I know that with my friends around me I don't have a problem with their support with whichever situation arises, but my parents and dh's parents it'll cause problems unless we just don't tell them - or let them know problem is my parents are coming just after the baby is born to stay which is when dd's initial asking will start. Personally I don't think I have a problem with tandem nursing in fact I really miss nursing dd already, I did think that she would nurse for so much longer 2.5 when you first have your little one seems such a long time and now that she's no longer nursing it seems so short. Or maybe it's me that wasn't ready to wean and not dd, does that seem strange, in that the weaning process is really two way and not just one way - from a child's point of view. I think I sound really confused about the whole situation really.
DH has confused me because he was co-slept, breastfed etc for years on end and so I thought that the nursing x2 would be fine until he said around christmas time it wasn't, I think that he thinks that it would be a regression and also his relationship with dd has strengthen so much since she stopped nursing that maybe he's worried that he'll loose that and I'll have the attention of two children and he'll be left out. It's so difficult to pin point what it actually is - it's just good to be able to chat this out with someone whose willing to listen!!
thanks for that
rachel
ps I'll probably change to ewe+lambs, mind you, you do have to know your way around a computer pretty well to do that sort of thing - it took me ages to remember/find out how to change my signature!!

 

[mom2threenurslings]

to you. It's difficult when your partner, who seems so supportive in many areas, obviously isn't supportive in something that is as close to your heart as your nursing relationship with your daughter. IMHO, since it is YOUR nursing relationship with your daugher, not his, it's totally up to you and her, and he can choose to support you or not.

When the time comes, should she want to go back to nursing, you and your dh may find it easier to just let her nurse and not have to deal with the sibling rivalry, etc. that may arise if she's not allowed to. If your heart is telling you to nurse her (and she wants to), but you don't want to go against dh's wishes, then make it clear to him that he needs to take care of dd while you nurse the baby and deal with any of her feelings about it. If she's insistent on nursing, he may give in to the needs of his daughter on his own

.

Could you talk to your dh about what his concerns are if she goes back to nursing? Once you know his reasons, the situation may be easier to work out. You may want to (together) list the positives and negatives of allowing dd to nurse again. For example:
Positive: Can lessen sibling rivalry/help her bond with baby, is an age-appropriate thing for her to do, added benefit of colostrum to boost her immune system, can make it easier for mom to care for baby and toddler while dad's at work, etc.
Negative (which will probably be mostly your dh's concerns!): regression, lessen relationship with daddy, etc.
You can then address the positives and negatives and see which outweighs the others, and if some of the things might happen nursing or not. It's common for chidren to "regress" when a little sibling is born, as they often feel they need to compete for attention. Since mama is nursing baby often, the older sibling may attach to mom more anyway to make sure she's still "important". On the other hand, if mama has baby a lot, dd may seek out dh for attention and become even more of his buddy!

and good luck to you! (From a tandem/triandem nursing mama who is tandem nursing through pregnancy for the second time!

)