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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
help?<br><br>
I have 9 y/o twins who have ADHD (hyperactive/impulsive type) and lately their behavior is just completely out of control. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> We have a new baby that came with a very difficult pregnancy and we've slipped in a lot of areas that had been helping control it for them (diet, exercise, etc). We do plan on getting back to where we were, but truly cannot right now (I had a very difficult delivery and am still in bed).<br><br>
Lately they're hard pressed to remember simple things for short periods (like take your bowl of cereal to the table--they end up at the couch or stairs instead), throw a LOT of tantrums (including saying things like "you've ruined my life" or "you all hate me") and are waking constantly all night again.<br><br>
We've tried about every method we can think of to help them voluntarily do better (behavior/chore chart, incentives like sports games with Daddy or toys, loss of privileges, etc) and just nothing is working.<br><br>
help? It is SO extremely hard to do AP/GD when you're being raged at by a kid nearly your size and SOOOOO sad to us that they can't just be "normal" for lack of a better word. They have no friends for the most part because they alienate them and lately it's even worse than ever.<br><br>
If it's like this at 9, what on earth are we going to do when they're teens?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry it's so hard right now.<br><br>
Two of my kids have ADHD. My almost-6-year-old sounds more like your boys; he's hyper, reactive, and sometimes defiant. My 14 yo DS is more inattentive and I so know what you mean about the instructions. I'll send him to the fridge for butter, and he'll get to the fridge and say, "Mom, what am I supposed to get?" Or he carries the groceries to his room or puts his calculator in the silverware drawer.<br><br>
I don't have any real suggestions, but I wanted to say that my 14 yo DS is actually much easier to live with now than he was 5 years ago. He's grown into himself in some ways, though I have to admit I watch the older teenagers (high school juniors and seniors) at our church and see how much more self-possessed they are than the young teens, and I can't wait. Maybe that's not helpful, though. I dunno. I just wanted to say that I understand. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
Do your boys take medicine? My youngest DS's sleep issues are hell and after several years of struggling with only-sort-of-helpful melatonin, we caved and started using a drug for sleep. Not only are our nights more peaceful, but so are our days. With enough sleep, he's MUCH more stable and productive (as in, he can actually PLAY, have a conversation that makes sense to the other people involved, etc.). He takes other meds, too, but we resisted sleep help for a long time for some reason, and I'm so glad we finally started this!<br><br>
Oh, and congratulations on your new babe! Have a good, long smell of fresh baby for me, would you? I haven't held a newborn in a couple of years. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thank you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
it does help hearing from someone with an older kid! sometimes I look at how they are now and just cry for them! being a teen is hard enough without any other issues. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br><br>
we used to do grape seed extract and pycnogenol until diet/etc got it under control. we tried both of those again recently and nothing! no help at all! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> they used to work so well. The melatonin does help them go to sleep and helped them stay asleep all winter long but now it's wearing off and I'm at a loss. We use the timed release so it only gives 7-8 hours before they wake.<br><br>
what medicine is your DS on? So far we've resisted involving medical care for soooo many reasons. I dunno, we're both nearing our wit's end.<br><br>
thanks <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> it IS nice having a new baby again <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">. even if it's a hell of a lot more work than i remember. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NatureMama3</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11559085"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The melatonin does help them go to sleep and helped them stay asleep all winter long but now it's wearing off and I'm at a loss. We use the timed release so it only gives 7-8 hours before they wake.</div>
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Have you tried increasing the dose? Before we went to a prescription medicine, Carter's (that's my youngest) dr. had us increase incrementally up to 3 milligrams per night. Some others here know much more about melatonin than I do, but my DS is small (37 lbs.), so you might be able to go higher with your boys.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>NatureMama3</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11559085"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">what medicine is your DS on? So far we've resisted involving medical care for soooo many reasons. I dunno, we're both nearing our wit's end.</div>
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Oh, yes. I understand. In many, many ways, my DP and I deeply resent the medical community, much of that stemming from our experience of trying to get help for Carter. Some of his problems are so disruptive and puzzling that we'd show up at appts. looking like crazy people, and they wasted no time treating us as such. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: And of course, medicating a child, and esp. a very young child, is a scary thing.<br><br>
Carter takes concerta for hyperactivity and clonidine for sleep. He also takes zoloft for anxiety (he has OCD and GAD) along with several other medicines for asthma, allergies, migraines, and CVS. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I hate looking at it all written down like that. I think of the risks associated with all that stuff in such a tiny body and it makes me cringe. Of course, for Carter, we've decided that the alternative is much riskier, and I have to hang onto that. Every time I see that stupid bumper sticker that says "Ritalin: so much easier than parenting," I have to take a deep breath and remember how wild and miserable Carter is when he's off his meds, and how busy he is doing productive, interesting things he is when he's on them. Today, he spent over an hour (!) building a playground for his beanie teddy bears with legos. Then he came outside with me while I weeded and we had a long conversation about dirt and plants and worms, and the conversation was coherent!<br><br>
Oops. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Tangent based on my own insecurities there. What helped us most when we were considering starting meds was to take things one tiny step at a time. So we made an appointment that we weren't positive we'd go to. Then we went to the appointment, not positive we'd even accept a prescription, etc. And even today, we reserve the right to change meds, doctors, or anything else that needs changing. We view the doctors as expert consultants and ourselves as the world's only Carter experts. Helps keep things in perspective when we run into a bossy doc. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
they're on 15mg/night.. is it safe to go higher?<br><br>
I don't know that we'd object to the right med, but I seriously doubt the docs here would do anything. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> they completely bungled my pregnancy (ie didn't treat things at all that really needed it).<br><br>
so frustrating!<br><br>
they can do things they're interested in just fine (such as legos) and can converse, but it's like diarrhea of the mouth. They do NOT shut up and they tell their WHOLE life story to everyone. The have NO concept of listening, sharing back and forth, etc. It's just always all about them.<br><br>
for instance, we went to the store yesterday and one of DH's coworkers (teacher, he works in a school district) stopped to see the baby and say hi. The boys proceeded to tell him that they don't go to school (which of course we have to say out loud that they're home schooled), that they went to work to help dad and they're doing this and that and the used to have dogs named x & y and they're going to the store to get this and that and blah blah blah. And there's no off switch! We literally have to drag them away still talking!<br><br>
And then there's the tantrums and what seems like complete refusal to obey (not doing chores ever, etc).<br><br>
Honestly I worry we'd give in and take them to the doc and the doc would say "they're just being boys" and then what hope do we have? we're in a very small rural town and there's only family practice docs in town. and I mean ONLY.
 

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<span style="font-size:medium;">my 9yo ds is taking 72mg concerta (after much trial and error with various add/adhd drugs), and he gets 3mg melatonin and 100mg of L-theanine about a 1/2 hour before bedtime, which seems to help him fall asleep faster and stay asleep better. i know what you mean about the not shutting up part, when my ds is off his meds, which we tried for a few weeks recently, no one else can get a word in with a crowbar. he's also crazy-wild and impulsive (things like walking to the gas station a mile away across a main highway at 6am. without even telling anyone he was leaving the house.) he also gets these horrible mood swings where he's screaming how much he hates us and he knows we hate him and how he wishes he could die... it's so painful to see my kid like this, i would do <i>anything</i> to help him.<br><br>
my 6yo ds is also taking concerta, but he's at only 27mg/day, even though he's only maybe 5 pounds lighter than my 9yo. he's more of the spacy/goofy/talkative type, he's not so wild like his big bro.<br>
with both my kids on meds i was determined not to put them on meds, but once they were in school and i was getting daily calls from teachers and principals... i caved in and found that life was much more settled, both at school and at home. and with an assortment of issues, ranging from adhd to autism to food sensitivities, settled is a very important thing!<br><br>
i can also sympathize with having a rough pregnancy while trying to deal with everything else. with my last baby i was on full bed rest for just over 12 weeks and then had an emergency c-section. i will never forget the therapist who was coming to the house to see my then-1 1/2yo, who said to my friend who was watching the kids while i was in bed, "i just don't understand why she can't seem to keep her house clean." if i had heard about this at the time i would have raised holy hell but no one told me til much later!<br><br>
sorry, random babbling, i really should to try to get some sleep, it's now after 3am. i should probably have just said "i understand" and left it at that til tomorrow!</span>
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
oh boy that sounds like my ex-h! (definitely what predisposed them to it) He walked his sister to the gas station (several miles away) at 5am when he was 5.<br><br>
Fortunately they've got anxiety as well so they'd be too afraid of being kidnapped to wander. (of course dealing with the anxiety isn't fun either)<br><br>
I haven't heard of using L-theanine, will have to look that up.<br><br>
Do either of you ladies boys have ODD too? I'm beginning to wonder if we're not dealing with some of that as well (they fit the criteria for sure).
 

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My son is almost seven so not quite as old as some of the other kiddos here. He is also on the autism spectrum (Asperger's Syndrome or PDD-NOS depending on which doc you ask hehe) as well as generalized anxiety. After over a year on melatonin and nearly three years on a modified diet (Feingold)...we ended up asking his doc for a prescription sleep aid. He was sleeping about six hours a night (no naps) but was so tired during the day he'd fall asleep on the way to school, way home from school, etc.<br><br>
So now he takes .1 mg of Clonidine and sleeps between 10-12 hours a night and is SUCH a happier kiddo! Of course my daughter still has sleep issues (melatonin for her) so I'm not getting any sleep but hey...I'm a big girl and can deal with it. =P<br><br>
So on to the behavior - do you homeschool or do the kiddos go to school? If so did school recently end? The first month home (school ended mid-May here) was horrible! Between the need for structure that comes from his spectrum diagnosis and his hyper/impulsive issues he had a difficult time doing just about anything. He would hyperfocus and I couldn't pull him away to eat, etc without a major rage/meltdown.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
we homeschool. I can just see how school would be! (yes, teachers and prinicples calling every day till they got kicked out)
 

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<span style="font-size:medium;">naturemama, i took my oldest son to the ARCH center (autism recovery and comprehensive health center), after the dr's there helped me get my 2 autistic kiddos dietary issues sorted out. the dr there is a DAN! dr, and while i don't necessarily agree with everything DAN! advocates, they did help with my boys' gut problems by giving me diet and supplement ideas. so i called and talked to them and they agreed to see my oldest who is adhd but not autistic. that's where i heard about the L-theanine. he also takes pro-biotics in the morning and a digestive enzyme with his dinner, since he had gut troubles as well.<br><br>
you are a braver woman than i... i wanted to homeschool when my kids were tiny, but by the time the Monkey was ready for kindergarten i was so ready to send him! i can't imagine homeschooling my troops at this point... i would be insane after 3 months!</span>
 
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