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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am not sure what to do about an extended family situation.<br><br>
My DH's mothers side of the family is getting together for a picnic in July but I do not really want to go. It would be my DH's gransparents, their 3 children and families and some cousins. I do not mind DH's parents but I do not enjoying getting together with all the above folks at once. It happens 1-2x a year.<br><br>
They are nice enough people but they really put on an act for each other when they are around. Everything seems very superficial and shallow but you have to be "proper". A lot of issues amoung them I do not want to get into but they act like they all are getting along great. The atmosphere drains me. SO from the get go it has never been something I enjoyed. But based on the two past incidents I also feel a bit hurt.<br><br>
1) When we got together last I was preg with my third. No one congratulated me but several of them made rude jokes and comments about the fact I was preg "again" with me right there. I do not get offended easily but these comments hurt. Later after we left they apparently discussed and though they may have gone to far but no one said any of this to me, I heard it through the grape vine.<br><br>
2) We were invited over for an extended family meal with these folks for Easter. We said yes even after the above about a month in advance and made our holiday plans around this. A WEEK before the event they dis-invited us. The reason given is it is too much for DH's grandparents who are in their 80 and have health issues. But no one else was uninvited and so close to the event? We are the only ones with small children but still we are supposed to be family.<br><br>
So maybe I am being unreasonable? Or not? I do not want to go and am still hurt. My DH is not so close to his family (unlike me with mine) so he says he does not care if we go or not. We see his parents at other times so that is not an issue.<br><br>
Blah. What do I do? I have five siblings and we are all very close with all my relatives so this is all new.<br><br>
Other perspectives would be great.<br><br>
Edited to add: Just so you know. The event will be held two hours away and we have a 4 yo, 2 yo, and 4 mo old. It will be a day event.
 

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I think this is a pretty easy one...don't go. It would be trickier if your DH really wanted to go or really felt that you both needed to be there, but since he doesn't feel that way, I wouldn't worry about it.<br><br>
If you really can't say no, make other plans and stop by on the way to whatever you have planned. Or, you can just say you'll only be dropping in for a couple minutes.
 

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If it weren't two hours away, I'd say suck it up and go. You only have to see them once or twice a year, and it is family, even if you're not close. But two hours away/all day affair with LOs who probably need naps and others who aren't even nice to you? Forget it. Not worth the hassle. Send a nice plant or something.
 

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Hmm I can sort of relate and we kind of do an 'if it's convenient' thing. So if it's convenient to you to go, if you won't be put out by the 2-hour drive, if your kids will have fun, then go. If it conflicts with previous plans or it's just too long a drive or whatever, don't bother making the effort. I don't think you should cut them out of your lives but at the same time I don't think you need to go out of your way to get together and I don't think you need to be present at EVERY annual/bi-annual event. DH's extended family has an annual get-together and we only go when it's in reasonable driving distance (location changes yearly) and we didn't go, for ex., when I was pregnant & had lots of m/s, but we did go when it was only an hour away and everyone wanted to meet DS.
 

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If it were me, I would go, but I think you would be justified in not going.<br><br>
Many children don't ever have the opportunity to meet great-grandparents. My own kids never even knew two of their grandparents. I would look at it as doing a favor for your kids to give them some contact with extended family, as opposed to doing a favor for your in-laws.<br><br>
But I sympathize with not wanting the hassle of driving two hours each way. I certainly don't think you are obliged to go.
 

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My feelings would be hurt if someone dis-invited me to something <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I suppose that if your DH doesn't care one way or another, then I would do whatever made me happy. And it sounds like you don't want to go. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I started to agree that knowing extended family is a lovely gift to give to your children...but then I looked again at their ages and I see that only one of them will make any sense of the visit, and the other two won't remember it.<br><br>
I know what that kind of trip is like with a tiny baby and a toddler. My heart palpates just thinking about it.<br><br>
You don't want to go. Your dh doesn't care. Don't go. Call or write the principal folks, express sincere regrets, leave the door open for next time. Make your decision next time when that time comes.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks for the input. I more wanted to get that all off my chest more then anything.<br>
I agree great g-parents are important and will not be around forever. So we have decided to go see them separately at a different time. They want to meet the new baby. (He is very cute <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
WE are not going to the main event. I do not want too, DH does not care and 4 hours in a hot car with 3 LOs is too much for me.<br>
I will politely decline.<br>
Thanks do much for listening and your input.<br><br>
ETA: I am not planning on cutting out the other relatives- just taking a sabbatical from them.
 

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That sounds like a wonderful solution <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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