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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone. I am so very confused. Its kind of a long story, I just needed feedback. However, please be gentle, I really am trying to do what is best for my family.<br><br>
OK. My husband is military and gone all the time. About 3 yrs ago, during a long absence he had (what he told me) was a drunken one night affair. It was a mistake, he was so sorry, we went to counseling. We moved on, sort of. I have a lot of resentment and he wasn't forthcoming about it, I found out about it after a papsmear. But he said all the right things afterwards so we stayed together.<br><br>
He just returned from another long absence and I still am not completely trusting of him, so I went digging through his sent emails. Turns out he registered at an online dating service and was talking to a Korean girl on line. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> They also talked on the phone a couple times. While the emails were not inflammitory, they were very sweet, bordering on romantic and he signed them 'love ya' with a little rose.<br><br>
My immediate reaction was that I of course had to leave. Everybody makes mistakes, but he obviously went looking for this. I told this to him. His immediate reaction was anger that I had dug through his emails. Now, a day later, we had a big conversation about it (Kids were out of the house). He started out from the position that he really didn't do anything wrong, he actually did good because he was going to meet her but decided not to <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:. By the end of the conversation, he now says that I am 100 percent right, he knows what he did was wrong. (My mom says this quick turnaround is a sign that he is very manipulative). He wants to go to counseling together. He says the whole thing was a joke at first, something all his friends and him were doing for kicks. He says he talked to her cause he was lonely, which my response was, I was lonely too, I didn't register at an online dating service, even just for kicks. Lord only knows what he's not telling me.<br><br>
I read my post and I feel like I should leave. But I hurt for my daughter. Is the chance that with a lot of therapy we could be alright worth taking for her (I have an infant son too, but he's oblivious)??? I really thought this guy would never do this to me, or I wouldn't have married him. We still have fun together and I like him, I just dont trust him at all. I also have my own issues that I know have hurt the marriage and whether I stay with him or not Im going into counseling. Compounding the problem is that we were supposed to leave on the 31st for virginia, together. So I have like a week to difinitively decide if I'm going with him or not. I'm trying to get some emergency counseling, but its saturday. I'm really looking for support here. If it seems obvious that I should leave and you have experience with that (especially practical experience, like with work, daycare, goverment aid...I'd appreciate it). The worst is I really love him (I married him and had his babies after all) so I don't want to leave him, but I also don't want to be his dishrag either, ya know. Blah.....this sucks.
 

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It does seem like he's not to be trusted. Also your mom's take on the quick turnaround is probably true. It doesn't sound too sincere. If you left to go away with him, would you be leaving a place where you have a support system to go somewhere that you don't know anyone? That might not be the best move. Yet, if you and your children aren't in danger from him, perhaps you have time to attempt counseling (if that's what you want to do, although a zebra probably doesn't change its stripes) or at least to plan ahead rather than a making sudden break.
 

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i went through this with my ex-husband in '97 ... we divorced in '02. but the marriage was over long, long before the divorce. same situation, i had reason to strongly suspect infidelity and looked at his email. and instead of owning up to his wrongdoing, he focused his anger on how i'd violated his privacy, i couldn't be trusted, yada yada. only difference between your situation and mine was that he was cheating on me with one of my close friends <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> but same "love yas" and seemingly casual emails. he came up with a variety of excuses, finally did the 100% turnaround and apologized like crazy. i found out later the turnaround came when he had just found out she was out of the picture, she'd moved on and got engaged to someone. so i ended up being his "rebound" from her, while being his wife at the same time! we went to counseling, we both worked at it, we finally agreed it just wasn't going to work. we had no kids together, so it was easier for me to make decisions.<br><br>
{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} to you. i remember a good friend of mine asked me the following question, when i was torn over staying or leaving: "if a divorce was as easy as going to the store and buying one for a dollar, would you do it?" my immediate thought was "hell yes!" so there was my answer. that simple exercise has helped everyone i've passed it on to as well! some to stay, some to leave.
 

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mamafaye,<br><br>
I'm sorry you are dealing with this, hugs to you.<br><br>
It is totally understandable to feel mistrustful of your dh and I think you had a right to look thru his emails personally...you had a feeling something was going on...you are his wife and you have every right to know.<br><br>
I also agree with what your Mom said about the manipulating but also wonder if maybe he doesnt take it very seriously & maybe thinks you wont leave because you didnt when he told you about the affair.<br><br>
On the other hand, he was honest and told you about it...was he very remorseful? You dont seem sure he told you everything about that and I can understand.<br><br>
My feelings are that people should try, everything they possibly can to keep the marriage together before considering ending it.<br><br>
Have you told him how you are feeling about moving? Does he seem willing to work on it?<br><br>
On the practical side, have you thought about what it will be like to be a single mama?<br><br>
What I hear is that you love your dh and you want to stay together but you dont trust him. Trust can be earned back so I say there is definitly hope for your marriage...many blessings mama~~~<br><br>
I hope this post was helpful, I really feel for you...keep us posted.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mystic~mama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">On the other hand, he was honest and told you about it...</div>
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Um, not exactly. He was only honest about it when he was confronted, and can she really say with any certainty that he was totally honest?<br><br>
Also, if he was "lonely", instead of signing up for a dating service, why didn't he get a web cam on both ends and spend time online with you?<br><br>
I was just apart from my husband for 10 months. We web cammed often, got a software called skype so we could talk for free over the computer, etc. Sure, he was lonely, but he was lonely for me.<br><br>
Only you know in your heart what you are going to do. I'm pretty convinced that he is NOT deserving of your trust. If you stay with him because of the kids, I think you need to divorce yourself from him mentally and physically. This is a man who is going to bring home a disease to you.<br><br>
If your worry is for your daughter and her missing her dad, well, she deserves a happy, and RESPECTED mother as well. And if she misses her dad, you need to know that it is not your fault. You did not do this to your daughter. HE did it to himself, to his family, to you, and to her.<br><br>
If you have the support system to get through a divorce, and if that's what you want, it seems like a pretty good choice right about now. This is not a man worthy of you.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
Judi
 

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I am so sorry to you, mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Personally, I would seriously consider leaving the marriage, because he knowingly and intentionally went looking for an affair, and then when you found out about it, started becoming defensive and angry. At least he was honest with you about one time that you know of, but since you had to dig to find out more information, chances are there is some that you haven't uncovered yet; I don't mean to alarm you, but often times that is the case.<br>
However, it sounds to me like he loves you and wants to stay married to you, but gets lonely on his extended leaves of absence without you. Marriage requires so much time, commitment, and work that when either party is not present for a long period of time, avoidable or unavoidable, it puts a great stress upon the marraige, and sometimes one spouse either cannot handle being alone, without sexual gratification. Unfortunately it can and often does lead to an affair. Your husband probably genuinly loves and cares for you, and it sounds like he does want the marriage to work, but he just can't handle being away and faithful at the same time. But this is HIS problem, not yours. You deserve a husband who can and will be faithful to you at all times.<br>
One of my pet peeves is the way the many people are beginning to view marriage in the US, that an affair will almost always occur, that men always look at other women, the infamous "starter" marriage, ext. I think that we have lost a lot the values system built around a healthy marriage, and as a result the sanctity and unity of marriage has been devalued, and with a 50% divorce rate, I think it speaks for itself.<br>
Personally, I do not believe in divorce except for in the cases of adultrey, domestic abuse, or abuse of a child. And your husband has already committed adultrey. Personally, I would leave, because I could not stand the fact that my husband had been unfaithful, and every time I slept with him, I would see the other woman. If he continues to be in the military and his leaves of absence continue, likely his affairs will too. Counseling is a good suggestion, but it sounds like he really needs the counseling. An affair is an affiar, and no matter how much you love the person, that(I think) is something that you can never forget about. forgive yes, but forget no. There is too much tolerance for affairs nowadays. To have an affair is to break the vows you took, and the repurcussions should be as serious.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
We had webcams!!! We could talk for free forever! And he has given me a disease. Its how I found out about the first affair. I really want to keep it together, but in my moments of clarity I think it will never work. I too am dissapointed about the general attitude towards marriage. I assumed that he would be faithful like I was faithful, with not only my sex organs, but also my heart, mind, eyes, and hands. Gotta go
 

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Oh I'm sorry I didn't know you guys had web cams.........I guess that sort of invalidates what I said.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> It's hard when you still semi-like the person. I think your mom is right- he is probably just being manipulative- my ex did the same thing- argued with me and then (when he sees I'm not going to side with him and accept the cheating) said "oh you're right this isn't ok- I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah" and of course did the same thing again. The STD plus the fact that he went looking for it AGAIN are just too much. Do you have any family support? Can you stay with your parents or relatives or friends for a while? As far as government aid- a single mother with little or no income would certainly be eligible- I don't know your work situation but many people qualify for food stamps, medicaid insurance, and TANF (temporary financial aid) who don't even realize it.<br><br>
I'm sorry you have to go through this. Above all follow your heart- it seems to me you already know what your heart is telling you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am so sorry. I understand your pain and feelings. He is deceptive. I do not know if counciling can fix that kind of a character flaw.<br><br>
I am so sorry <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl">
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
mystic mama - just wanted to say that I appreciate your opinion very much, even if (or especially because) it is different from everyone elses.<br><br>
I really wish I had a window into his head. Is he a basically nice guy that just can't get it together? Or is he a chronic liar and basically not a nice guy? I feel too immeshed in the situation to get a clear view. I know I would be ok on my own. But I also would rather be ok together.<br><br>
Its really great to hear that I am justified in leaving him if that is what I decide to do. I'm really sad to fail. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I'll be embarassed to admit that I'm separating. Especially because my dad was very negative about me getting married and keeping my baby. It will be like admiting that he was right. Not that I should stay to prove my dad wrong or anything. I just had visions of being at my 10th wedding aniversary and saying, "Ha ha!" I guess it comes down to letting go of the dream, the fantasy husband.<br><br>
Thanks for letting me ramble. Sorry I'm such a bad speller.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamafaye</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm really sad to fail.</div>
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mamafaye,<br><br>
You did NOT fail. You did everything right. You even went further and forgave him his infidelity. He had a chance to rebuild the trust and win you back. HE failed. He abused your trust.<br><br>
If you had web cams and were able to be connected through the separation, then there really is just no excuse for what he was doing. Especially not his very lame excuse of "I got lonely." Well, you were right there for him online.<br><br>
I'm so sorry for you that you are going through all this. It must truly be devastating to find out these things about someone whom you thought loved you.<br><br>
Lots of hugs to you. Follow the little voice inside you that is telling you what to do.<br><br>
Judi
 

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Yes, I agree with your Mom. He sounds very manipulative, from what you have shared with us. "he says all the right things" and "he wants *us* to go to counselling"... definite warning signs right there! It's HIS problem, not yours. HE is the one who needs therapy, not you. Don't get sucked into taking some of the blame for HIS actions. It's all on his head, not yours. IF he's willing to work on HIS problems, that's one thing, but if he thinks you need to go to counselling, too, I think he's not taking responsibility for HIS problems, HIS actions, and wants to somehow make it YOUR fault the marriage has problems. It's not your fault, NONE of it is your fault. Don't let him place any blame on you. Don't let him guilt you into thinking you did anything wrong. Don't let him convince you that somehow you are to blame for what he's done. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything to deserve to be treated so badly. <b>And there's nothing you can do to fix things</b>, the ball is in his court, what he does with it is entirely up to him. Don't believe what he says, you already know he cannot be trusted. If he wants to fix his problems, he has to get serious therapy and <b>show you</b>, by his actions, that he is willing to put forth the effort to make the marriage work.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamafaye</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I really wish I had a window into his head. Is he a basically nice guy that just can't get it together? Or is he a chronic liar and basically not a nice guy? I feel too immeshed in the situation to get a clear view. I know I would be ok on my own. But I also would rather be ok together.</div>
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Oh honey, I get you.<br><br>
You know it doesn't matter whether he's a nice guy who can't get it together or a chronic liar. Or a nice guy who is a chronic liar. If you feel like you can't trust him, then you can't. The question isn't what's his motivation, it's how does he act.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamafaye</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I'll be embarassed to admit that I'm separating. Especially because my dad was very negative about me getting married and keeping my baby. It will be like admiting that he was right.</div>
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Yuck, your dad sounds mean. You can borrow my dad. Here's something like what he said to my sister when she got divorced: "You are still my beautiful daughter. I am sorry this didn't work out for you. I will always support you. I am proud of the way you have coped with this difficult situation and made a life for yourself." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamafaye</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">mystic mama - just wanted to say that I appreciate your opinion very much, even if (or especially because) it is different from everyone elses.<br><br>
I really wish I had a window into his head. Is he a basically nice guy that just can't get it together? Or is he a chronic liar and basically not a nice guy? I feel too immeshed in the situation to get a clear view. I know I would be ok on my own. But I also would rather be ok together.<br><br>
Its really great to hear that I am justified in leaving him if that is what I decide to do. I'm really sad to fail. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I'll be embarassed to admit that I'm separating. Especially because my dad was very negative about me getting married and keeping my baby. It will be like admiting that he was right. Not that I should stay to prove my dad wrong or anything. I just had visions of being at my 10th wedding aniversary and saying, "Ha ha!" I guess it comes down to letting go of the dream, the fantasy husband.<br><br>
Thanks for letting me ramble. Sorry I'm such a bad speller.</div>
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mamafaye~<br><br>
first I want to apologize for getting the facts mixed up about the way you found out about your dh's first affair...I'm really sorry for that...that must have been awful & now that I realize I misread your post I have to say that I wouldnt expect you to stay with him unless he made some big changes!<br><br>
If you were my sister or friend I would not want you to go with him, I dont think that moving to where you have no support with the problems you have would be good for you or your children...my dh and I have some problems and I kept going back and forth on moving to Texas with him up until the last day and it has been really hard but I feel like its the right decision, he earned my trust back over time after I found out I was being lied to for 8 months, it was a money issue...that was on top of our other issues together.<br><br>
Your dh doesnt seem to be deserving of any trust at this time.<br><br>
I do believe its possible for a person to change but I also dont think that the people close should to them allow themselves to be mistreated.<br><br>
If you choose not to go with him now that doesnt mean you cant rejoin him later after you both have some time to work things out, right? Maybe, you would be able to see just how much he really wants the marriage to work if you stayed and told him you will move with him after you have both had some time apart.<br><br><br>
blessings mama~~
 

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don't have time right now but want to come back to this.<br><br>
I am right there with you.
 

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My dh hasn't been physically intamate with another woman (as far as I have proof and as far as he has said but i have absolutely no trust. ) but he did the internet I love yous and "muahs" and hugs (yet he swears he didn't love her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">) and he went looking women and sex on line and in chat rooms. maybe he just needed an ego boost. was looking for a responsibility free relationship I don't know. I found a condom in his bag once. he swears it was for me in case we ever got frisky away from home but I doubt it 'cause it isn't like we did that a lot (as in never really and he wasn't making any effort to get me to work). Every week I find a new link to a web site he was on, a secret email address, a new "friend", and there is the ever present girlfriend who won't leave us alone. he swears he has eneded it with her but i found her phone number in his palm pilot yesterday. hidden, but I am not stupid. I don't know what to do. i refused the STD test but after remembering that condom thing and in light of some of the yahoo groups he was in I think i might go back and get it.<br><br>
part of me loves the great guy he used to be (but when it coms down to it I can't trust anything after about 2 or 3 years into our marriage). part of me hates him but I want to stay married to him because I want him to pay for what he has done to us for the rest of his life and don't want to allow him to move on and be happpy with his little home wrecking whores, he doesn't deserve freedom or happiness with someone else and part of me wants to take sharp objects to him while he sleeps. but nothing in me wants a divorce. But the more we sink into this web of lies and my ability to trust him gets less and less the more I think it might be inevitable. or at least "happily married" being a ship that sailed a long time ago never to return. it is heart breaking and a weight that drags me down to the depths. I too feel like I failed. but at the same time this deception and lieing heart and the things he was doing and lieing about are character flaws which have pobably been there the whole time. If I failed at anything it was to se who he was when I met him. looking back I could see hints. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> he still blames me for his propensity to lie (says he doesn't feel like he can be honest about stuff because I am so jusgmental - wel hell yeah I am judgmental about lies and deseption and infedelity). He says he was wrong and that he made bad choices. yeah, not changing his passwords would be my guess as to what he cnsiders a bad choice. even if I do believe that he is sorry he isn't very upfront about what he is sorry about. is he sorry he got caught. is he sorry I am so broken up over this and keep bringing it up. he is sory he is stuck with me when he would rather be with his perfect girl (who was cheating on her boyfriend and chasing a married man - don't know what is so perfect about that). Or is he sorry he treated me so badly.. that he is so . . I don't know. wrong inside. I mean these are not bad choices. These are not mistakes. These are acceptance of things that should never happen. things that should disgust him. things he should be indignant about when other people do. yet if I hadn't caught him he would still be doing it. he changed the password on his computer and refuses to give it to me now. says he is scared I wil mess up business stuff. his business stuff is more important than our marriage I guess. thats a slap in the face in and of itself. not to mention that is al ie also. h e is really scared i will see his e-mail address that he still hasn't given me. he gets mad when I check his computer. he should be proud to show me there is nothing for me to be scared of. proud there is nothing for me to find. he should be proud if he is overcoming these horrid behaviours, his cheating heart. But instead he gets mad (granted I do find something on there almost every time but then if he weren't lieing about deleting stuff I wouldn't be shocked when I found it. actually I am not shocked to find stuff anymore. just sad that there is one morelevel to this whole peice of crap existance he has been living.). I just think about how easy the lies were/are for him. Some of the things I know he is still lying about. But he never even flinches. he never even hesitates. it just makes me angry and I know this anger is not good for me or the girls. I have to wonder if I could let it go if I left. If I stopped fighting for him if it wouldn't matter any more. if I could proclaim to the world what a jerk he is (it really burns me that everyone thinks he is such a gd good guy, all sweet and wholsome. I would like to think if they knew all the ways he lied to me, they way he hurts his children by being an ass - they deserve a hero, not a two timing, no moral center, self absorbed jerk and all the ways he cheated on me they would hate him but I doubt it. ) and take some satifaction that everyone knew some measure of the truth.<br><br>
So I am sitting here with you trying to decide why exactly I want to hold on what I am holding on to and if anything I have ever known was true. he complains "I was lonely" just like your dh. and I was sitting here the whole time going out of my mind trying to think of ways to get his attention. being lonely out of my mind and begging him (literally ) to come home and spend time with us. but we are his burden. his responsibility. obligations. I have strings attatched. I expect him to be a certain type of guy (moral, family orinted, responsible) and know when he isn't. he can be whoever he wants online with his little cyber friends. being the family guy isn't always fun. he is seeking out similarly self absorbed, no strings atatched, no responsibility relationships. people who knew he was married so obviously didn't give a rip about morals or his family obligations. So he was lonely but not for what we had to offer. Ok I could go on but you get the picture.<br><br>
I hate the internet and the secrecy it provides for roaming dhs. affairs should happen like they used to where people you know can drive by, see your car and think you are a jerk and rat you out. not in the comfort and anonimity of your computer room. he was doing all this while I was upstairs crying because I wanted him to come up stairs and spend time with us. but yet he says he was so lonely bcause I was emotionally unavailable. that is bull shit. the whole "I was lonely" thing. it is bull shit when my dh says it to me and it is bullshit when yuor dh says it to you.<br><br>
and I don't know if your dh has tried to pin any of this on you but that is bullshit too.<br><br>
this was not our fault.<br>
this had nothing to do with our dh being lonely for us.<br>
we are not bad for looking in e-mails. there is no privacy in marriage. there is no need for secrets unless there is something that needs to be found out.<br>
Emotional affairs are just as hurtful as physical ones. althoguh not as physically dangerous. but really, an emotional affair is just a precurser to a physical one and the I would guess the only reason they stop at emoptional is that someone finds out about them before the become physical or the person caught is lying about the physical part not happening.<br>
stay or go you need hep for yourself<br>
if you stay I admire you commitmit to your marriage. if you go I certainly couldn't blame yuo. Ihave no idea what I am going to do but I am in no hurry to make any descisions. For now.<br>
seperation is a nice time to decide these things. It doesn't all end in divorce.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I'm so sorry that this is happening. I remember what it was like when everything I thought was true for the last 10 years came crumbling down into dust.<br><br>
You can't change someone else. Ever. Do you want to stay with him the way he is right now? Don't assume, or hope, that things will change. Would you rather be alone than with him?<br><br>
For me, the bottom line was I would rather be alone, with at least a chance of finding someone who REALLY loved me, than be with him.<br><br>
Most of the bad stuff I found out, I found out only AFTER I kicked him out. Then people started coming out of the woodwork to tell me how he cheated, who he cheated with, why did I stay so long, etc.<br><br>
Good luck. I know there isn't really anything anyone can say to make you feel better. Just know that someday you WILL feel better.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>gethane</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You can't change someone else. Ever. Do you want to stay with him the way he is right now? Don't assume, or hope, that things will change. Would you rather be alone than with him?<br><br>
Most of the bad stuff I found out, I found out only AFTER I kicked him out. Then people started coming out of the woodwork to tell me how he cheated, who he cheated with, why did I stay so long, etc.</div>
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that just makes my heart hurt. the way I answer those questions doesn't leave much hope. and the fact that everyone new so much and didn't say anything until it was over doesn't bode well for me. I have to wonder what people know and aren't telling me. he seems to be open with everyone but me so I am sure everyone knows more than me and just the thought of there being one more thing is crushing.
 

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*hugs*<br><br>
Now that I've made you feel worse <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I want to at least offer you up this. In my case at least, once I made a decision, really made it, I felt soo soo much better. Yes, I had doubts. Even some doubts 3.5 years later after I remarried (the ex was in a car crash and almost died).<br><br>
As far as what to do after. I called Nebraska Legal Aid (hopefully SD has something similar) and started divorce/child support proceedings. I called and applied for food stamps and medicaid. I called my mortage lender and got a bit of a breather. I called my parents and asked for money. I called Job Service and found out I qualified as a displaced homemaker and qualified for help getting a job or job training. They helped me get a start. I didn't even have a running car. I called my best friend to take me shopping.<br><br>
You CAN do it. It wasn't easy. And I think I was more than a little bit crazy for about 5-6 months. But it was a helpful crazy. It helped keep the pain down, and the drive to succeed up.<br><br>
I wish you the best. You deserve the best! I wasn't the best wife, but I didn't deserve what happened to me, and even if you weren't the best wife, you didn't deserve it either.
 
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