Not telling anyone about the hb?

I thought about not telling, but didn't feel like I could keep that important of a detail from family & friends, in the end. I'm glad I told them, too. Not everyone's happy or supportive, but at this point my decision's made & they know this & are more accepting of it. There will always be more people looking down their noses at your decisions than there are supportive people when it comes to hb (at least in my world). I'm accepting of that & I'm alright with it because I *know*, without a doubt, this is the right thing for me & my baby. It may not be right for them or even for me with my next baby, but I'm accepting of that.

What I'm trying to say is, if you're sure this is right for you & your baby then people's opinions won't sway that. Yes, you may have to listen to negative comments & stories now & again, but ultimately what you want to have is what's best for that baby & for yourself just like they do. There are ways of telling people to keep it to themselves without offending them (unless they're just easily offended). And there will be people who will be offended but it's not their place to have a say in this.

I was wondering why you'd go to a dr for your prenatal checks & not a midwife if you plan on birthing at home. Is hb not allowed in your state? My midwife does all my checks, is why I'm asking.

If you pray, do alot of that to help you come to know for sure that this is right or wrong for you & your baby. If you're confident in your decision, little will sway you. As for your dh, pray that he'll see that it's right too &, if it's right he probably will. I hope I'm not coming off the wrong way here....this is the way I live my life, so I have a hard time advising others any other way.

My thoughts are with you.

Shannon

I thought about not telling as well. Now I think that I will if I am asked where I'm having the baby. Unfortunately where I live (which is about thirty minutes from you) that's the first question anyone asks. People around here go anywhere but the local hospital so they ask innocently. What I am doing is keeping this pregnancy a secret as long as I can stand it. I am 14 weeks 4 days and the only one around here who knows I'm pregnant is dd's daycare provider so that she can hold a spot for the new baby. My family is far enough away that there isn't a whole lot they can do about the situation anyway so I've been honest with them but did have to cut ties with my mother who is unsupportive.

I think I've told you before but incase I didn't, if you need any support at all PM me and we can talk. I'm willing to bet our midwives are closely connected if not the same

As far as the mw part goes, we have TriCare who pays for 100% of all my medical care, prenatal included. I would love a midwife but I am currently working on getting one who is covered by TriCare, which I have read on here is possible, it just takes a bit of work. So, I sent in an email to the NC homebirth website for a list of hb mws in my state. I plan on calling all of them (thank goodness for unlimited long distance phone service) and asking if they have had any experience with TriCare paying for their services. I am hoping to get some sort of information from there. I also need to call the TriCare office here on base.... but I know the ladies personally (so I would try and call anon) because of so many issues of payments not being sent (their fault).

As of right now I haven't gone to my first OB appointment, it's set for June 24th. We had to cancel 3 times due to DHs father passing, and DH getting a shift change. So, I have 3 weeks to figure out what I am going to do, and if I can get a mw paid for.

I am very adimit about a hb, this is something I really want. Where we live hbs are not heard of, I know of 1 person out of all the people I have ever spoken to, and she is my LLL leader. Also, the hospital here is very ridged about what they will 'allow' during labor. Once I am checked in I am given an IV, I am strapped to a bed for constant monitering, as soon as my water breaks they do an internal monitor. They won't let you change possitions, you will be lucky if they allow you to use the restroom. These are things I don't want! I wouldn't mind a hospital birth or a birthing center, but I have to be able to change possitions and I don't want to be hooked up to all kinds of crap, that is what caused my 45 hour labor with 3 hours of pushing. I don't want that again.

I know if my family finds out (like aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) they will freak, and I will be the talk of the family gatherings. It will be horrible. But they are people that I can keep something like this from, especially since we live across the country from them. The hard part would be my immediate family and friends. I see my friends a couple times a week and 3 of them are pregant, 1 trying, so we talk about birth and babies a lot.

I don't pray, I use to but thats a long story. But I do appreciate that responce, because if I still prayed then I would probably have forgotten to pray about something like this. duh to me.

With my first child I didin't tell my mom my plans to homebirth until I was 8 months pregant. I thought she would freak out and lecture me on hospital safety blah blah blah. However, she was very sweet, and simply responded that it is great that I can choose to birth where I want to.

My in-laws were supportive, however, they would tell me their concerns from time to time. I think if you know in your heart that Homebirth is what you want and know that is the right decision, you won't have to worry with any of the comments that people feel inclined to make.

One of the best things you can do is arm yourself with information. As I'm pregnant with my 2nd and planning a homebirth, I just poured through Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth, and Spiritual Midwifery. These are two excellent resources and I highly recommend them, especially for your own peace of mind. Another book I highly recommend, and that is very useful in helping others to learn about Hospital dangers is A Good Birth A Safe Birth. This book is full of statistics and is very helpful for giving you information to those people who feel the need to lecture you on your decision.

Good luck!

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My second was born at home, and we didn't tell dh's parents until the last minute. We were going to have our older child present, but then I changed my mind after a few hours in labor so we called MIL and said "Come get dd; oh and BTW we're not in the hospital, we're still at home and that's where we're having the baby!"

I was born at home and my dad's mom did not find out for 22 years. :LOL I let it slip when I was pg with #1. I was at a family reunion and we were talking about the upcoming birth, and I said "I was thinking of maybe having an unassisted birth, you know, the way I was born!" And grandma said "What do you mean...Steve, are you telling me you delivered your children?!"

So it can be done!

hunnybumm, Tricare will pay for a CNM for a homebirth. First get onto the Tricare website or get a list of CNM within a 40m radius of your zipcode. Call all them and ask if they'll do homebirth. If any do, you probably have to use them. Probably though Tricare doesn't have a CNM in your 40m radius that does homebirths. So then as you're doing, find one yourself. You could also try ICAN even if you haven't had a c/s - they might know of more alternative style CNMs. Interview the midwife(s). Then take the midwives name, address, tax ID info etc to your PCM and ask for a referral. (I'm assuming your Prime?) Tell them you're choosing this midwife because Tricare doesn't have one in network. That's what I've just done. It took me about 6 weeks to find out how to do it then another 3 weeks to actually get it done and get the authorisation number.

I don't think you need to deal with your local Tricare office. You go to your PCM for the referral, my PCM did it on the computer. The rest just happens. I never had to fill out any Tricare forms or go to any Tricare office. A request like this will go outside the MTF to the Tricare Regional Office, something like a Medical Management department who will authorise it. Deal directly with them. I found anyone further down the line didn't have a clue. Even the med. management dept at Tricare I spoke to, could only recall authorising one homebirth before.

And with family I work on a if they don't ask, don't tell means. And cause they just ASSUME I'm having a hospital birth, I don't think they're gonna ask. I did mention I'm seeing a midwife this time but then last hospital birth I saw midwives at my MTF anyway. I'm not gonna lie though, just not rushing to tell them cause I don't wanna deal with their issues. My dh was surprisingly easygoing about my decision to HB. Just keep slinging HB facts at him. Especially about the risks of actually going to the hospital - that isn't risk free either. Aren't medical mistakes the 6th leading cause of death in the USA? And I also pointed out that it must be ok, cause Tricare authorises it - you know if HB were so dangerous and likely to result in lawsuits, would Tricare be authorising it (hey pretty lame but appealed to my dh).