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Not telling is harder than I thought.

661 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  normajean
Background: we are ttc#4 and not telling anyone, mainly my mom. I dont want to hear it from her (very unsupportive of us ttc). We plan on waiting until Im five to six months to tell.

Anyway, took my mom to work monday (we had cpr/first aid training because we all have to be certified every year and I thought it would be good for her too get the training since she's around my kids and my stepdad has a heard condition). Anyway, I have a coworker who I've been playing baby tag with. Seirously, I returned from my first maternity leave to find out she was pregnant. She returned from hers to learn I was pregnant again. I returned from my second to learn she was preg. again. Well she just returned from her second monday and said to me, "I expected to find out your pregnant again" and it was all I could do not to say, "we might be!" or "we're working on it!" because a, my mom was there and b, the way gossip spreads at my office, everyone would know within a day and I kinda wanted to wait to tell them this time as well.

Then, monday evening my mom and I went to family night for a friend who passed away (my moms bestfriends exhusbands mother, who is the granmother to my moms bestfriends kids, whom I grew up with, was that clear as mud?) Anyway, the grandson is my age, the granddaugher my brothers age. Well, the granddaughter has a two year old son and told me they are ttc and in fact, she may be preg. right now and is going to test soon. You have no idea how hard I had to bite my tounge not to say "Me too!" Then later, when it was just she and I, she was telling me how unsupportive her mil is of them ttc and I knew JUST how she feels and I almost said, "Just between you and me...." but I knew she would tell her mom later, who would most likely tell mine and my mom is the main person I dont want to tell!!

I knew it would be easy not to tell unsupportive people, but its really hard not to tell those who would be supportive, but I guess they will find out eventually! (My bestfriend knows, and you guys, Im not totally without support here!)
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It is very hard!! I completely understand I think there might be three people that I know, who knows. Everyone at work keeps asking when I am going to have kids and I just sit there and smile b/c something like that would spread in a few minutes.
We also arent' telling anyone...and its a pain. I do know that as soon as I tell one person, the whole world will know, and then the gossip mill really gets going. With the m/c's I had before DD, somehow a rumour got started that we were infertile and DS was adopted, I kept getting these comments, "He looks just like you guys, isn't that funny?"
My family isnt supportive of us having "so many" so we never tell anyone when we are ttc-ing.
It is hard not to tell anyone when you are early on tho because it is so exciting
I'm new here and it is hard not to tell! The big reason we plan on not telling anyone we're TTC is that we don't want to feel as if we're on a schedule. All our parents are so darn excited about the possibility of the first grandchild that I don't think they could hardly stand it if we told them we were officially trying. The other thing is, if we decide (unexpectedly) to take a month off, then it's no big deal, ykwim? We're just going to let nature take its course and whatever and whenever it happens, it happens. Then we still might wait a few weeks to tell.
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Im no good at this, my oldest child just asked if I were pg. because he overheard me telling my bestfriend I was going to stock up on hpt!! I tried to be hush-hush, but I guess he knows my code (I said peesticks). He's a smart cookie. I feel bad, I just lied and told him Ididnt know, I might be and no I havent tested yet, its too early (I tested this morning and got a BFP, yippie! but havent even told dh yet).

My fear is that he will tell my mom. Loose lips.
The other benefit about not telling, is that the pregnancy doesn't seem as long...we are going to wait to annoucne a pregnancy to our family too, until I'm in maternity clothes, so its not like a forever wait, and months & months of the same questions over & over again.

Good luck to you all keeping it on the hush hush. Its SOOO hard for me to keep secrets liek this!
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