[southernmama]

<p>Just a vent.  5 year old ds came home with a list of what he was thankful for and I was not on it.  Daddy (who plays wi with me) and Lucy, his sister (who plays school with me) was what he wrote.  The teacher added in her handwriting "and Mom".  This makes me sad, but I get it.  Most of what I do to make his life roll is behind the scenes and a lot of my job is giving direction (you need to put away your legos now and brush your teeth) and doling out consequences (if you do not stop kicking your sister in the car, you will not get to play when you get home.  I know I am doing my job, but it sucks to be the least popular in the family.  It seems as moms we get so little validation that we are doing out jobs right.  In my old job as a  lawyer it was easy to tell when I did a good job- the client was happy and we won the case.  Not so much when kids are your boss!</p>

 

[lyterae]

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<p>:hug I don't think it's an issue of not being thankful for you, I think it's more about "who plays with me". If DD had a project like that, I probably wouldn't be mentioned. Now if she was sick or needed someone to cuddle with I'd be first on the list, but she really enjoys her playtime with daddy and I'm thankful for that.</p>
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[bonamarq]

<p>Please do NOT take this as any sort of judgement or crticism - but perhaps it's a wake up call to do MORE to connect and play with your child? I know it's hard and time is usually tight - but maybe you can focus a little less on directing (if possible) and find a special thing for just the two of you?</p>
<p>Having a little ritual is a good way to do this - something you BOTH enjoy so it's not another chore for you?</p>
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<p>Just my .02 as it popped out at me when I read your post</p>

 

[southernmama]

<p>Good advice- last night I asked DH to clean up dinner and played a game with DS. We had a blast and a good snuggle!  Also, DS let me know  in his own way that he was thankful for me.  He said, Mom- I am thankful for you because how else would we get dinner? LOL</p>
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<p>I have a great time with my kids a lot of the time and I am so thankful that DH is such a fun dad and kids LOVE spending time with him. It is easy for him to revert back to childhood and its freedom, which is great!  Problem is, someone has to be the un-fun parent and keep life on track- esp. as the kids get older.  Two fun parents= a pretty chaotic lifestyle for the kids.  Someone has to remind the kids to floss, practice piano, learn their lines, eat breakfast, turn out the light, finish a book report etc.  I love playing with my kids and spending time with them, but a lot of my job as a shaper of  one-day adults is to teach them delayed gratification, self control, and self-motivation (all very popular as you can imagine!)  As they grow, it becomes harder and harder to be the FUN parnet, because somethings are NOT fun and NOT what we want to do at the time, but necessary for our health and happiness in the long run.</p>

 

[Alyantavid]

<p>You have to put it in perspective though.  Imagine the preschool teachers trying to get kids to think of what they're thankful for.  Some things they may throw out to give the kids ideas are "who do you like to play with?" </p>
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<p>It doesn't necessarily mean anything.  But I do feel the same way sometimes.  Daddy does all the big fun stuff, while I do the smaller things that have to be done in addition to playtime.  Those little necessary things don't always get noticed. </p>

 

[laohaire]

<p>Yeah, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. My DD often announces that she loves one or the other of us best (usually daddy, actually). But what she means is that she is having special feelings RIGHT NOW - like daddy is playing with her or something. If I'm cooking with her, she'll be all sweet on me.</p>
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<p>I did want to comment that it's possible to be fun and still keep things in order. I think I'm that way, anyway. So I'm going to guess that your husband might be kind of "too" fun? Does he encourage disregard of rules or structure? If so, I can see how you might spend your energy trying to get things aligned, and feel like you have to be the heavy all the time. I don't feel like the heavy in my house, so saying "you need to brush your teeth now" doesn't at all impact my ability to play a game or read or bake with DD - plus, I know that DH will just as likely enforce the toothbrushing if I don't. But if you're the only one ensuring things get done, that probably feels different.</p>
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<p>Maybe off topic, maybe not - my DH's grandparents were a model of extremes. I have a hunch that their extremes made each other even more extreme, because they just couldn't trust the other to do what was needed. His grandmother was the fun one. She took absolutely nothing seriously. She never learned to drive, so once MIL (as an adult) took her to a parking lot and tried to teach her, but grandmother started driving like crazy and nearly crashing into things (laughing her head off all the way). Her inability to take anything seriously was really extreme. She also had no concept for money whatsoever. The grandfather, on the other hand, was serious to an extreme. Everything had to be just so. The money had to be spent exactly this way. It's a wonder they stayed married. It would be nice to say that her love of fun allowed grandfather to relax a little, but because it was so extreme, he must have felt he could not relax at all, ever. And maybe it went the other way too, since he was soooo serious all the time, she might have felt like she had to make sure she kept things fun or otherwise sink into a life of tedium.</p>
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<p>So, do you by any chance feel like you have to be serious and get everything done because your husband is never serious and never gets things done?</p>