[homeschoolingmama]

I am tired of being the odd duck. Sometimes I dread going to family gatherings because I know little comments will be made. Oh she is the scary one (said to child) Careful or she will keep you home and teach you. I feel judged in my life. My children are allowed to say poop and words like that. In our house. It doesn't bother me. I don't see the big deal if they say body parts. They'll grow out of it. In front of me they are saying...NOT IN MY HOUSE about my children. That is fine but why have a conversation about it? Why make me feel judged. I know we are doing what is right for our family but I am just so tired of being the weird one. This is just my family. My husband's family openly says why they don't like the way our children are being raised. Why can't people be more accepting?

 

[harmonyhobbit]

That's horrible. is that the general tone of the gathering? That you are unaccepted? If so, I would skip those get togethers and stick to just the in laws visits. No one should be allowed to speak to you that way. You should not expose your children to such nastiness, nor should you model that as acceptable behavior.

 

[kikidee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by homeschoolingmama I am tired of being the odd duck. Sometimes I dread going to family gatherings because I know little comments will be made. Oh she is the scary one (said to child) Careful or she will keep you home and teach you. I feel judged in my life. My children are allowed to say poop and words like that. In our house. It doesn't bother me. I don't see the big deal if they say body parts. They'll grow out of it. In front of me they are saying...NOT IN MY HOUSE about my children. That is fine but why have a conversation about it? Why make me feel judged. I know we are doing what is right for our family but I am just so tired of being the weird one. This is just my family. My husband's family openly says why they don't like the way our children are being raised. Why can't people be more accepting?

Oh my. This is horrible! Are they generally nasty people, or is this something new? If it's something new, it may just be that they feel uncomfortable b/c they don't understand your choices. I have run into that with my in-laws a bit. They didn't get nasty about it, but there were some comments that rubbed me the wrong way (about nursing, co-sleeping, etc.) -- but the more educated they became, and the more they saw how well-adjusted DD is, they actually now are very supportive of everything. (or they are keeping their opinions to themselves more... ? either way, it's better!)

It's not fun sometimes, being a pioneer of sorts in a group of people who don't get what you are doing, but if these are people that you love and want to be in your life, I would just stick it out, try to blow things off that they say, and just keep focusing on the good. Eventually, they should come around. Or - you could take a more proactive approach and sit down with them and talk openly about everything ? Staying firm in what you are doing -- it wouldn't be a chance for them to "convince" you of their side - it would just be a time for you to answer any questions they have, and to let them know how much their comments are affecting you.

Good luck. That does NOT sound like fun. And I'm wondering how/why you would stop a child from saying "poop"???

Hang in there!!

 

[scoobymummy]

That's really crappy. It's amazing how many people out there feel like they have a right to tell you how to raise your kids. Maybe just look at them and quack (water off a ducks back).

 

[Susana]

homeschoolingmama,
they're just envious of your courage to do something not everyone does and be a way that not everyone else is.
you are doing a good job. I'd say avoid them if you can..you have to take care of you.

 

[doublyblessed]

i agree w/ PP's...esp susana in that their just envious you have the ovaries to truly live this beautiful life to the fullness i believe its existence is intended for...

it is hard being so different from others around me...i totally konw what you are feeling. even the local unschoolers here seem to be so different from me...they knit, they quilt, they sew, they have lots of money to pay for this lesson and that lesson and travel lots and so forth. i feel envious of this because i'm so separate from all this...we don't have much in common. or they are christians and i'm not, i'm atheist. thus, i feel very alone. thank god (no pun intended...ok, it is...

) that i don't live near my ds' father or his family...yikes!

my dd is not allowed to say 'poop' at her school. she presently is finishing up her kindergarten year at our waldorf school. today she even called this one boy a f-head. jeesh, wonder where she learned THAT?!

how EMBARASSING in a way. i'm sure that teacher thinks the world of me now...yikes. oh well, what can you do...life is a process, a journey and i'm not going to walk around like i'm miss manners cuz i am not. i'm more of a rebel and go against the seemingly-victorianish social norm. don't get me wrong...i don't go around yelling anarchy! or telling people off.

my daughter was pissed and that is how she expressed it. i am aware that for most of us this is unacceptable.......but to a 6 yo this is often their way of doing it...using a word that is usually 'off limits' and then that is when they'll use it more...esp when angry...... so today it was 'f-head'. much more powerfully put to get her point across. (don't get me wrong, mamas...i do NOT encourage this to express her anger...we are working on it...) she is a very passionate girl. poor baby...of course she got punished and told that its not ok to talk that way. actually she was told 'you may not speak like that at school...'. sigh.

i don't mind 'potty' words at home. to me they are all just words..........even the F word. my mom hates when my dd says butthole over and over and over...i actually find it funny. call me immature but it really is funny when my dd is yelling out from the car at the grocery store, "there are buttholes in our salsa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and giggling up a storm. its all in how its perceived i'm sure of.....and so many people fall into being offended and taking things way too personal IMHO. again, socially bought-into norms.

 

[vaughnmama]

DoublyBlessed, you crack me up.

I wish you were my neighbor!
I'm really craving having friendships with people like you. I'm so tired of trying to be social with people who treat their kids like they don't have brains or feelings, and are more concerned with keeping up the appearance of having "nice" and polite children.

OP, I am sorry you are being treated like this at family gatherings. It must feel terrible. I feel judged when I try to be social with neighbors, but I've never gotten it so blatantly.

 

[Materfamilias]

Yeah, ick. I get sick of this kind of thing too. I don't know why people can't just go by the results, i.e., if the kids are obviously cared for and doing well, who cares if they're being homeschooled? Obviously, for them, it works.