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Ok, in the "conversation with DH's parents" thread, the subject kinda wondered off into who is to blame and who can talk to who about circumcision.<br><br>
But this has also appeared in other threads, such as the one about a cut boy asking about a whole boy.<br><br>
So what notions do you have about who it is ok to talk to about this? what limitations to place on yourself? are there certain aspects you might talk to one person about and not another?<br><br>
I just wanted to make a thread to discuss this kind of thing without derailing the other one.
 

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i find it hard to talk to anyone IRL about it, as pretty much all the people i know think its a fine thing to do. i have no idea how to open a conversation about it, and even if i did, i am certain anything i had to say would fall on deaf ears. i do keep my ears open for opportunities, now that i am more confident and imformed. there have been times where i should have said something, like when my good friend told me about her sister's newborn "having" to go to the pedi to get his circ done b/c the dr at the hospital "doesn't do that, *scoff*" and how he (the baby) "did so well" and the pedi does "such a nice job". puke. my heart pretty much came up in my throat, and i didn't know what to say or do, so i let it pass without acknowledging what she said. but i am waiting for another opportunity.<br><br>
i don't feel i can talk to my dh about how strongly i feel either--he wanted to have our boys circd (for religious excuses--jewish). i only have you guys!!
 

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I'll talk to anyone and everyone. Hence the 90 Minutes with the Mormons at the front door, and the conversation with the owner of an internet cafe I went to on holiday, lol.<br><br>
Guess that's just me, what you see is what you get, no messing around, straight in. I don't do backstabbing either (I'm not very good with office life).<br><br>
I know some people don't like things direct, but I'm incapable of pretending, and it gets me into trouble sometimes, but it's a two way process, I prefer people doing the same back to me. I don't really get subtle hints (I'm sure you've all noticed).<br><br>
I don't seem to have the same inhibitions about talking about genitalia either as seems to be endemic over there. I never realised there was such a huge culture gap as there is, I thought we were all more or less the same, I know better now though. Everyone I know thought Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" was funny, and the US public's apoplectic reaction absolutely hysterically funny.<br><br>
I think it's this lack of openness that's allowing circ to continue, and I think that people should get away from the idea that talking about anything (functionality wise anyway) to do with genitals or sex is somehow "dirty".
 

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I'll bring it up with anyone who's pregnant <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: I always present it as something that I had no idea about for most of my life and am very glad that I learned of it before having a son. It's the truth and it seems to be the most effective way to talk to soon-to-be-moms without seeming to blame them for not learning/knowing about it sooner.<br><br>
I don't bring it up randomly to non-pregnant folks, but if there's a good opportunity presented then I'll bring it up.<br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I have no problem to talk about it. I've even talk about it to American LDS missionaries coming behind my door. I quit my previous job because I couldn't be surrounded by people who do it. I tell everyone who listens. Ofcourse I don't walk around yelling to people but when I can stick it into the conversation, I'll do it. But except the American LDS missionaries, I pretty much preach to the converted.
 

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I think it is okay and in fact very good to speak generally about circ to just about anybody, to educate and inform becoz there is a lot of misinformation out there.<br><br>
Where I object is when people start advocating things like DIL's 'confronting' MILs about circing their husbands, etc. I also notice generally a LOT of mother blame re: this subject here, and that while lip service may be given to the fact that fathers and the medical establishment are also responsible for RIC, really the focus is on women and how we've betrayed our sons etc etc. Some will even say straight out that mothers should be held more responsible than fathers.<br><br>
I find that pretty ridiculous. I think there is a fine line between advocating for the needs and best interest of babies, and blaming guilting and just generally crapping on mothers. I think it's a line that gets crossed a fair bit in discussions about circ and also other issues such as breastfeeding.<br><br>
I think it's important to talk critically about the issue.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>trmpetplaya</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8190971"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'll bring it up with anyone who's pregnant <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: I always present it as something that I had no idea about for most of my life and am very glad that I learned of it before having a son. It's the truth and it seems to be the most effective way to talk to soon-to-be-moms without seeming to blame them for not learning/knowing about it sooner.<br><br>
I don't bring it up randomly to non-pregnant folks, but if there's a good opportunity presented then I'll bring it up.<br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
I talk about it to anyone, you NEVER know when deaf ears might hear!
 

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I'll talk to anyone about it. I tried to convince a neighbor not to circ her 3-4 year old grandson but she did anyway <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> The only reason that didn't do it at birth was that our state doesn't pay for it, but he still got cut once they had saved the money a few years later.
 

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I feel pretty uneducated to really talk to anyone about it..........<br><br>
I have a lot of things floating in my head about the issue, but if someone were to bring up having a boy, everything just leaves. I'm stuck there stuttering...... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
I think I'll feel more educated one day and be able to talk to my preg. friends about it. It's hard because it's the norm in our society. How do we tell people to go against what their parents did, yk?<br><br>
And speaking of that - maligning parents for doing what they thought was right is not the way to handle parental disappointment. A gentle conversation works wonders to lower stressful conversations. How would we be raising our children "gently" if we didn't afford the same respect to OUR OWN parents!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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So you reckon it's ok to talk to everyone BUT family?<br><br>
That's plain weird.<br><br>
I guess it's cultural differences again. Over here the family are the people we are supposed to be able to talk to about anything, not the ones that we have to tread gently and cautiously around.<br><br>
That sound painful and very uncomfortable to me.
 

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I talk to a lot of people about it...I'm an L&D nurse and I talk to almost every patient about it. On one of the pieces of paperwork there is a question addressing circumcision (yes, no, or unsure) If their answer is yes or unsure, I pose my question "So, I see you're considering a circumcision, have you had the opportunity to discuss the procedure with anyone?" I ask them what they know and depending upon their receptiveness, I educate them as best as I can. I share my story of how I probably would have circ'd my sons "because that's what we do to boys" without questioning it if I hadn't seen one in nursing school--that was life changing for me. I explain how my DH is circ'd and my sons aren't . I know that some of it falls on deaf ears, and some it at least gets them thinking about it and I feel that it is my job to advocate for their babies! I know I saved at least one boy from circumcision. A patient that I took care of for entire labor & delivery had to come back a week or so postpartum for complications and by chance we were slow enough to evaluate her on L&D so I took care of her, and when her DH changed the baby I couldn't help but notice they had left him intact! She told me that after talking to me, her and her DH decided not to do it. It amazes me that most of the OBs I work with have intact sons, yet they will perform the procedure. I'm sure some of them do it for the money, and some say they do it because they feel it's the parents' choice. At least there are a few OBs I work with that absolutely refuse to do it. As far as family...my family knows where I stand on this subject. I spoke to Dh's sister when she was pg with her first...I basically told her it wasnt' necessary and that she needed to talk with her OB to make an informed decision because she trusted him (knowing full well that he is anti-circ and does not perform them and anyone making a truly informed decision would never circ)...yet she circ'd my nephew anyway. I was glad to find out her second was a girl. My DH's other sister is going to be getting a long long letter from me which I've already started writing and she's not even pg yet! I think her and her DH will be more receptive to it since her DH already told her he wants her to BF since it will be healthier for their babies.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>trmpetplaya</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8190971"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'll bring it up with anyone who's pregnant <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: I always present it as something that I had no idea about for most of my life and am very glad that I learned of it before having a son. It's the truth and it seems to be the most effective way to talk to soon-to-be-moms without seeming to blame them for not learning/knowing about it sooner.<br><br>
I don't bring it up randomly to non-pregnant folks, but if there's a good opportunity presented then I'll bring it up.<br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"></div>
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That exactly! I try not to come off as the raging intactivist that I am because I think that turns people off. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Daisyuk</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8192554"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So you reckon it's ok to talk to everyone BUT family?</div>
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Huh? I must have missed where that was said.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MommaLauraRN</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8195023"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I talk to a lot of people about it...I'm an L&D nurse and I talk to almost every patient about it. On one of the pieces of paperwork there is a question addressing circumcision (yes, no, or unsure) If their answer is yes or unsure, I pose my question "So, I see you're considering a circumcision, have you had the opportunity to discuss the procedure with anyone?" I ask them what they know and depending upon their receptiveness, I educate them as best as I can. I share my story of how I probably would have circ'd my sons "because that's what we do to boys" without questioning it if I hadn't seen one in nursing school--that was life changing for me. I explain how my DH is circ'd and my sons aren't . I know that some of it falls on deaf ears, and some it at least gets them thinking about it and I feel that it is my job to advocate for their babies! I know I saved at least one boy from circumcision. A patient that I took care of for entire labor & delivery had to come back a week or so postpartum for complications and by chance we were slow enough to evaluate her on L&D so I took care of her, and when her DH changed the baby I couldn't help but notice they had left him intact! She told me that after talking to me, her and her DH decided not to do it. It amazes me that most of the OBs I work with have intact sons, yet they will perform the procedure. I'm sure some of them do it for the money, and some say they do it because they feel it's the parents' choice. At least there are a few OBs I work with that absolutely refuse to do it. As far as family...my family knows where I stand on this subject. I spoke to Dh's sister when she was pg with her first...I basically told her it wasnt' necessary and that she needed to talk with her OB to make an informed decision because she trusted him (knowing full well that he is anti-circ and does not perform them and anyone making a truly informed decision would never circ)...yet she circ'd my nephew anyway. I was glad to find out her second was a girl. My DH's other sister is going to be getting a long long letter from me which I've already started writing and she's not even pg yet! I think her and her DH will be more receptive to it since her DH already told her he wants her to BF since it will be healthier for their babies.</div>
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WE NEED MORE NURSES LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Yes Please! My bro and SIL live in PA and will deliver (c section; transverse twins) at Penn. I hope they have a nurse like MommaLaurenRN!!!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Arduinna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8191684"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'll talk to anyone about it. I tried to convince a neighbor not to circ her 3-4 year old grandson but she did anyway <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> The only reason that didn't do it at birth was that our state doesn't pay for it, but he still got cut once they had saved the money a few years later.</div>
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That's horribly sad. He's going to remember it and chances are almost 100% that he won't be happy for it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
I'll talk to people about it and people that I don't will learn about it electronically. I've recently added people from Facebook from work (we're in our 20's, I'm 31, and we have a group about where we work), so they know I'm an intactivist.
 

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The only people that I have spoken to about it are family they know exactly how I feel about it and I dont hold back.<br><br>
It has never came up with anyone else since I dont have any friends IRL other than family and I dont socialize at all. But if it ever does come up I think I will be able to explain things in a way that they could under stand. I carry papers with me so that I can hand those out. And I have 2 anti circ bumper stickers along with a license plate cover.
 

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If it comes up somehow I will talk about it. And if someone I know finds out they're having a boy I will bring it up it comes up, which I think it usually would. Most of friend haven't had boys or are European so would never do it. I think everyone in my life knows how I feel.<br><br>
Today I went to cafepress and bought a frig magnet and a button that says 'Foreskin isn't a birth defect' with the idea that people will see it and ask about it.<br>
I have a friend who had a baby that wasn't able to be circumsized at birth for some reason and I am really hoping to talk her out of it but I don't want to drive her away from the idea by being too forceful. I have sent her the Northrup article and told her about the 'purpose' of foreskin. I am hoping when I see her next she will ask me about it and I would love if she'd changed her mind.
 

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I don't have boys, but dh and I have brought it up to both of our mothers, my grandmother, my aunt and my sister as conversations have arisen where we have had the opportunity.<br><br>
No one has given us a hard time about it really. They know I'm a research-aholic and usually trust that I find the best answers to things. Both of our mothers said "it's just what everyone did at the time" and they both agreed that times change and there is always new information.<br><br>
My sister is the only one so far to react "funny" about it. She asked why I liked a new ped that I found for dd and I told her I was pleased with her knowledge about no-circ, etc and she was like, "you're not going to circ if you have boys?" and I told her, now way - there's no real medical reason for doing so, etc. and she didn't say any more after that.<br><br>
She looks up to me and is a total breastfeeding advocate since she's been around me and dd so I know we'll have more talks about it in the future and I look forward to it!<br><br>
And a question to the pp's that mentioned talking to the LDS missionaries about circ - Was circ something that they said was mandatory or something? I was raised LDS and have never heard anything about the church taking a position on it one way or another. I figure my mom or grandma would have said something if so. Just curious <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cbemish</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8210127"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">And a question to the pp's that mentioned talking to the LDS missionaries about circ - Was circ something that they said was mandatory or something? I was raised LDS and have never heard anything about the church taking a position on it one way or another. I figure my mom or grandma would have said something if so. Just curious <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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I think it's more the fact that they were American than LDS. No, it's not remotely part of the religion, and there is an explicit scripture against it. This has been brought up before on this board, and if I remember correctly, it was not brought up by the missionaries, but by those they contacted, pointing out their (the missionaires, and LDS in general) hypocrisy. Am I right Daisy?
 
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