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<span style="font-size:14px;"><span style="color:rgb(128,0,128);"><strong><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"> Welcome  to  N O V E M B E R!</strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="color:rgb(128,0,128);"><strong><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"></strong></span></div>
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<span style="color:rgb(128,0,128);">Awaiting</span> <span style="color:rgb(255,0,0);">R</span><span style="color:rgb(255,140,0);">A</span><span style="color:rgb(0,128,0);">I</span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">N</span><span style="color:rgb(64,224,208);">B</span><span style="color:rgb(0,0,205);">O</span><span style="color:rgb(218,165,32);">W<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyf.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="babyflip"></span> <span style="color:rgb(128,0,128);">Babies...... </span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyf.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="babyflip"></div>
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<br><br><br><span style="color:rgb(255,102,51);"><b>November 2010</b></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">MFuglei</span><br><br><span style="color:rgb(0,204,102);"><b>December 2010</b></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">tinynota (3)</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">sept04mama (23) </span><br><span style="color:#000000;">starshine1001 (26)</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">annettemarie <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/2twins.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="2twins"></span><br><br><span style="color:rgb(153,102,255);"><b>January 2011</b></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">rumi79 (3)</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">SusanMy (6)</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">BreathlessWonder (13)</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">ORLY? (14)</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">PhotoJournMama (19)</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">alexmoon </span><br><span style="color:#000000;">mollycce </span><br><br><span style="color:rgb(128,0,128);"><strong>February 2011</strong></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">Princess Winnie (1)</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">Finnegansmom (8)</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">Mommy Kahdib</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">FMS619</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">Megan73</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">pixiekisses</span><br><br><span style="color:rgb(204,102,153);"><b>March 2011</b></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">trini</span><br><br><span style="color:rgb(0,204,102);"><b>April 2011</b></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">Blanca78</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">kalamos23</span><br><br><br><span style="color:rgb(0,153,255);"><b>May 2011</b></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">xtara2003x</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">geekgolightly (2)</span></p>
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<span style="color:rgb(255,215,0);"><strong>June 2011</strong></span></p>
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<span style="color:rgb(255,51,102);"><strong>July 2011</strong></span></p>
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<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">apmama07</span></p>
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<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">theboysmama</span></p>
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alyssatuininga</p>
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<strong><span style="color:rgb(153,153,51);">August 2011</span></strong></p>
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<span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">L J</span></p>
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<br><br><b><span>Recent</span></b><b><span> Graduates</span> <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/jumpers.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jumpers"></b><br><br><br><br><span style="color:#0000FF;"><b>2010</b></span></p>
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StarMama</p>
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<span style="color:#000000;">idigchaitea</span></p>
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ILoveMySofie (October 26) <span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome baby C!</span></p>
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CherryBomb (October)</p>
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<span style="color:#000000;">liz-hippymom </span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome baby Willow!</span><br><span style="color:#000000;">Moxielou (October 3)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"></span><span style="color:rgb(0,0,255);">Welcome baby Finn!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">Jules09 (August 28)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Baby Ella!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">Parker'sMommy (August 27)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Baby Girl!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">meredyth0315 (July 29)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Isabella Rose!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">NWmt_mama (July 27)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Henry!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">WaitingForKiddos (July 19)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome William Alexander!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">expatmommy (July 5)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Baby Girl!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">Mickiswing (June 14)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Penelope Grace!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">the old mommers (June 2)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Aurelie Helene!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">bubblette (May 30)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Baby Boy!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">chels_c2000 (May 19)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Joy!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">khaoskat (May 14)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Wyatt!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">mischievium (May 14)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Karsten Ezra!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">jess_paez (May 10)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Kai Ambrose!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">alternamama82 (May 2)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Soren David!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">apecaut (May 2)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Odessa Eve!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">namastemom (April 27)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Tyson!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">mrs babycakes (April 24)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome August!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">sew crafty girl (April 11)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Anna Beatrice!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">moonInLion (April 5)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Arlo Alexander!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">bc1995 (March 30)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Maggie Isabel Grace!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">shantiani (March 14)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Atrid Mathilde!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">momtoEandA (March 11)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Ella Faith!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">Zonapellucida (February 28)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Bennet John Malcom!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">MommaSomeday (February 11)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Jareth!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">AbbeyWH (February 4)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Monty!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">Fireflyforever (January 19)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Tobias Matthew!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">LouisianaMomma (January 14)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Derek Michael!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">claireb (January 14)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Noah & Ryan!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">JayJay (January 12)</span><span></span><span style="color:rgb(238,130,238);">Welcome Isobella Mai!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babygirl.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babygirl"></span><br><span style="color:#000000;">welldone (January 9)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Callan North!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"><br><span style="color:#000000;">MiracleMama (January 4)</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"> Welcome Alexander Victor!</span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="../img/vbsmilies/smilies/babyboy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Babyboy"></p>
 

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<p>Thanks for starting a new thread. I didn't want to start one bcs I didn't want to be the one that posted if I lost the little one. I hate being so morbid but that is where I am right now.</p>
<p>Would you please add me to July. Thanks</p>
 

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<p>Can I join too? I'm expecting my rainbow in the beginning of July after an early loss in April.</p>
 

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<p>apmama- Welcome and congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
 

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<p>Just checking in today.  Glad to see the new thread--thanks! :)  AFM, I'm 26 weeks and plugging along.  The past few weeks have been pretty good, pregnancy-wise, although I've started to get sick again.  Daily rejoicing in feeling the baby move and kick and grow bigger!  We pray nightly for our little one to keep growing and be safe, and at the same time, we pray for a friend irl who is currently going through a miscarriage.  Good to know I've been able to be a good support, but so sorry for her experience. </p>
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<p>Hope everyone is doing well.</p>
 

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<p>You can add me to July too. My ultrasound is tomorrow so nervous since I had some spotting thi. My dh worked it out so he can come. I am SO nervous. 7 weeks today and the morning sickness hit hard. Spent most of the day on the ouch feeling like death. Was pretty comforting LOL even though it was miserable. Everyone please send good vibes and send happy thoughts our way!</p>
 

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<p>I hope everyone is doing well.</p>
<p>I am really struggling today. I am 6wks 2days and moving right along. I am starting to get excited and have a little hope about this pg. My bff responded to an e-mail I sent her as she has been dodging my calls. She doesn't support this pg and feels that basically it was a bad choice and is detrimental to my children, etc. and that she just can't continue the friendship. Obviously I don't feel it is detrimental to my family or I wouldn't have made this decision and I am devistated that the friendship has to end bcs of this. I already lost my son and now my best friend it just sucks. Plus being depressed and then hormonal on top of everything really does not help the situation. I am just sooooo sad. I already was feeling so alone and this just makes it worse.</p>
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<p>I think we are coming up with a game plan as far as ultra sounds, etc. We will listen via doppler about 9 wks and if we don't hear the hb will do an u/s. then the regular mw appt. at 12 wks w/ the doppler then probably every wk or every other wk until the 20 wk u/s which we will do (we usually skip all u/s) and will probably find out the sex at this point as well to help us bond a little bit better. That is all with the assumption that things continue to go well.</p>
 

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<p>nicole, i am so sorry your friend said that to you.  maybe she will come around.  the holiday season can be really stressful for people...?</p>
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<p>i also feel very alone a lot of the time.  it's too bad MDC is not an actual place where we can all meet up in real life and support each other.  </p>
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<p>:hug</p>
 

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<p>javilu- thanks. I am not so hurt that she feels that way just that she was unable to express that until now. I know she has felt this way for quite sometime bcs our friendship has definately struggled but I never knew what the issue was. I am also really hurt that she feels that the friendship has to end bcs we have differences of opinion. I am just hormonal from the pg, still really depressed and sad from Emeric's death, and this just hit really hard. It was kind of a relief to at least have an answer as to why she hasn't really been able to be there for me lately. This all just sucks.</p>
<p>I would love a "real life" mdc. That would be awesome. I have been attending the SHARE support group (2x now) but i just haven't connected like I had hoped.</p>
 

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<p> Had a LOVELY ultrasound today! (see picture in my profile). Baby is measuring right on target at 7w2d and the heartbeat was 150bpm. I am SO relieved and feeling good. The tech said the baby looked "perfect". </p>
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<p>Nicole I am so sorry that your friend is being so harsh, That is terrible. Sending (((((HUGS)))) your way!</p>
 

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<p>Thanks for all the hugs ladies. I am just feeling pretty vulnerable right now.</p>
<p>Congrats on the u/s. Pic looks great!  I think the reassurance of one right now would be really helpful.</p>
<p>I am going to see how long I can hold out.</p>
 

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<p>theboysmama, did your bff go into specifics as to what her concerns were? it just seems so strange to me. i have been through some terrible losses as well but i can't imagine my best friend (or any close friend) saying they didn't approve of me trying again. i am very sorry that you are losing your best friend over this. it is absolutely unfair to you and very selfish of her.</p>
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<p>the following is cross posted. it should be here. i shouldnt be bugging my veteran TTC ladies with this stuff, but i feel so close to them. they have been through so much with me.</p>
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<p>i'm going to a midwife appt today. i hope i will continue to be able to see her rather than having to switch to my perinatologist. please blood pressure stay down please! really though, as long as i get a baby at the end of this, ill do anything. ill lay on my left side for the next five months in bedrest if they want me to.  ill quit my job, go on medicaid and take food stamps. who cares? by may my husband will graduate and we might have to move for a job for him anyways. a few months being dead broke wont bother us. tht is what im up against though, because the pregnancy that has worked out for us was very dangerous for me. i went pre eclamptic and was being followed by a homebirth midwife who was not being upfront with me about how sick i truly was. i kept telling her SURE YES i want a homebirth! and i think she took that to mean i understood the risks and benefits that i was facing.... which i didnt. i had no clue how truly ill i was. my BP was 110 diastolic starting at 5 months along.  i kept working a very stressful job as a nurse with lots of mandatory overtime because i wasnt comprehending how sick i was. and i was a nurse! a brand new nurse, but i should have known better. but the midwife kept saying, sure, if you want to work, go ahead and work! now that i've had years of experience working in ICU and lots of other settings, i understand the ramifications of exactly how ill i was and what sort of danger i was in.</p>
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<p>anyways, i am just babbling, i know. im just nervous. i hope my BP is ok today. at work the other day, my HR was in the 120's and my BP was 130's/90's. not a good sign.</p>
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<p><strong>Geek</strong> - Ha!</p>
<p>As if you bug us Vets... I know <em>I'd</em> be cranky if you all just up and ditched us!</p>
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<p>I know, I know... I'm a stalker, right? <span><img alt="Bolt.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/Bolt.gif" style="width:101px;height:20px;"></span></p>
 
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<p>Geek - my bff had a lot of valid concerns but  ultimately it is our decision. (my dh is disabled: he has Psoriatic arthritis and Muscular Dystrophy. The MD is genetic so any of our children have the chance of getting it. Both diseases can be pretty disabling for him at times and he feels pretty done with the 4 kids that we have. Our finances are not great but have improved in the months since Emerics death. Emeric was a huge surprise but once he died I knew that someone was missing from our family. Dh loves me dearly and knew how important this was for me so aggreed to ttc, although reluctantly. Emeric was my 3rd loss, etc. So a lot of things that would point to not having any more kiddos but my kids are to the moon with excitement and I feel this is going to be a wonderful thing for our family and not a "detriment" as she states) She has made a lot of decisions regarding having more kids that I didn't agree with but I figured it wasn't my business so had never said a word. Oh well. I am doing ok with the situation and have found a little relief from it actually. She was so unsupportive during Emeric's loss and it left me feeling very alone and vulnerable. This just explains to me why she was behaving that way and gives me the opportunity to move on instead of staying in a friendship that really isn't good for me right now.</p>
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<p>AFM- I am doing ok. My first rainbow baby (the one that I had when I started this thread originally) is going to be........... 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on Dec. 2nd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where the heck did time go?</p>
<p>The pg is progressing well as far as I can tell. I am 6wks 6 days and although nervous on occasion am just really trusting God about this whole process.</p>
<p>We went to see harry potter last night and it was a blast.</p>
<p>Hope everyone is doing well.</p>
 

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<p>Hello all-</p>
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<p>I am feeling such nervousness lately. I don't even know why. I am 8 weeks today and I just want to speed through the next 4 weeks. I am feeing this pregnancy very much already but I have moments where I feel like it isn't real. I have seen this little bug on ultrasound, seen its lovely heart beating but I am still so scared. This is my second pregnancy since our loss and I really though it would be easier this time. For some strange reason it seems even worse this time. So hopeful that everything will be well and hoping to shake this fear.......</p>
 

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<p>Hi all. =) Sticking my toe in here, after three days of positive pregnancy tests. My EDD is July 31 according to me and Fertility Friend, but my midwife said she's putting me as somewhere between Aug 2-10. I like that - a due week. Anyway, I'm absolutely petrified. I made an appt with midwives in another state 3+ hours away, because they aren't legal here. I just don't think I can do a doctor unless the midwife tells me I have to. I trust her explicitly, and I hope I am making the right decision in not choosing high risk OB care. I have seen a lot of you on the July PAL thread, and I am looking forward to getting to know everyone here. I've been lurking a long time, and I'm petrified, but glad to be joining you.</p>
 

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<p>I'm back.  It's been a while- I have just sort of been denying my pregnancy so far.  I had my 36 week appt. today and they wanted to discuss labor (birth plan, etc)  I am really kind of nervous about the emotions labor may bring up this time around.  I hope that I am able to get through labor okay and that I don't stall because I'm worried about what will happen after.  I am trying to trust the ultrasound that tells us this baby is fine, but that's what they said last time as well.  I am also anxious about going to 41 weeks again- I just think that would be hard emotionally (and the timing thing with the holidays)</p>
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<p>It's been a long pregnancy- I won't lie- good vibes to those just starting out!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #18
<p>Hello everyone, I apologize for taking time to update this thread but I have my hands full<span><img alt="love.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/love.gif"></span></p>
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<p><span>Could someone please take over this thread starting December? I dont think I will be able to do a good job of keeping it up, plus Ive graduated from PAL...</span></p>
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<p>I have not made an official announcement on this thread yet, so-</p>
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<p><strong><span style="color:rgb(255,153,204);">My little girl arrived safely earthside on October 26 at 11:36 am, weighing 7lbs 14oz. She is as precious as can be and we are all so so in love with her!</span></strong></p>
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<p>There are no words to describe the happiness that I feel-every minute, every hour, every day. Even at night, when she wakes me up with her grunting noises because she is hungry-I am so happy to nurse her and to just be with her. We sleep wrapped around each other at night.</p>
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<p>To everyone on this long PAL journey-hang in there. It IS worth it. Every minute, every worry...all worth it.</p>
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<p>XOXO</p>
<p>ILMS</p>
 

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<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#464646;"><span style="font-family:arial;">I guess I need to introduce myself,  I'm Becky, I've been on the loss board quite a bit for the last 1 1/2 years.  We've had 3 losses, our 3rd son, Dylan, who was stillborn at 26 weeks and 2 m/c at 6 and 8 weeks.  We are pregnant again with a baby that is looking wonderful!!!!!   I'm currently 17 weeks along with a little girl due May 1, 2011.  The further along we get the more excited and comfortable I am but I have to admit my feelings toward this preg. are very guarded it's like I'm afraid to get attached.  I'm slowly coming around. </span></span></span></p>
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<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#464646;"><span style="font-family:arial;">So I have a vent (this is a X-post in May's DDC)......I was talking to my mom this afternoon and making plans for her to come in to watch my boys when I go into labor and then spend time with us to see the baby and help out around the house, she has been with us for the 2 boys births so this is normal plans for us.    She made a couple of comments that just drive me mad, ie this is your 3rd baby so things will go easier this time.    Well, actually this is our 4th, has she really forgotten our stillborn son that quickly, b/c we sure haven't.......  and do you really honestly think that for a mama that normally has post partum issues having a live baby after having a stillborn baby will  be easy????? Really??????   oh my goodness, I know deep down she doesn't mean harm by her words but it's just hard to not get upset. </span></span></span></p>
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<p><span style="font-size:10pt;"><span style="color:#464646;"><span style="font-family:arial;">Only the people that have had losses especially later losses understand the way I feel, so I'm glad when people don't get it b/c they never had to experience the pain we've been through but at the same time it's frustrating I can't relate to most people.   ykwim?</span></span></span></p>
 

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<p>ILMS - Congratulations, mama! Thank you for sharing with us, and I sincerely hope that you pop in when you have time.</p>
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<p>Becky - I am so sorry that your mama is being insensitive. I am expecting a lot of that, myself, and I just don't know how to react or respond. I wish I had some advice on how to deal with it, but I don't. But I can honestly say that I understand.</p>
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<p>AFM - I'm so freaked out. I'm petrified. I honestly wonder what in the world I was thinking in wanting to get pregnant right now. I know this sounds horrible, and I wouldn't say it anywhere but here, but I do not want to be pregnant. I'm so scared. I'm just not ready for this. Every second of every day I am nearly frozen in fear. I'm doing everything I can "right". I'm drinking more water than I ever have in my life, exercising, taking my vitamins, eating healthy and constantly. And its exhausting. And my body is still 30 pounds heavier than it should be, and I know I'm going to gain so much more weight this time. To the point of no longer being in a healthy range, and I think it'll affect my health, and I know it'll affect my sleep and my back. I just don't feel ready. I thought I was, I guess, or maybe I just thought it was going to take so much longer to get pregnant than it did. I'm terrified of doctors, and midwives are not legal here. So, I made an appointment with a highly respected midwife in another state. Four hours away. One way. She doesn't want to see me until January. I'll be around 10-11 weeks then. I trust her explicitly, but a part of me feels like I should be doing more. But I have no idea what that would be. This pregnancy and birth is going to cost over $6000 out of pocket. That's not counting the gas to get there and back, vitamins, extra stuff that has to be ordered at the hospital, like a level 2 u/s. It doesn't count the rental of the birthing cabin, which can cost up to $2000 by itself. I feel like I should suck it up and just see a doctor, but I don't think I can. I think I might wind up committed if I do. The doctor phobia is totally separate from my loss, but its just as real. Anyway. I'm beyond scared. I needed to let that out somewhere, and I figure y'all will understand better than anyone else.</p>
 
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