Now I know why Bree drank...(Desperate Housewives)

AFWife · Nov 19, 2010

Lately I've felt like I'm on a treadmill. You know, you work your ass off and feel like you're getting somewhere and you look around and nothing has changed? Yeah, that's EXACTLY how I feel.
 
I'm almost 8 months pregnant with a 19month old. Getting pregnant with him this young was a huge mistake but what can I do? I've had horrible back pain since I got big (so, since 5 months or so) I do see a chiro but it's not covered by my insurance and we're already in debt (midwife isn't covered either) so I can only go so often. It only helps for a few days anyway...
 
We live in a 2 bedroom apartment (about 1000 sq feet) and we really don't have THAT much stuff...just nowhere to store what we have and use frequently. I can't put up shelves or install a bookshelf or anything like that. (It's in the lease...only a few small holes for pictures) I declutter and get rid of crap as I can, but most of it we actually use. (That's why it ends up everywhere)
 
DH works 5 days a week. 3 of those days he gets home at a good time (usually at or before 5pm) and then he plays with DS when he gets home and/or we run quick errands. 2 of those he has class so he doesn't get home until 8pm. Saturday we go out to where we get our raw dairy. It's an hour one way AND, due to our debt, we've been working for our stuff (they do a cafe on Sat so one of us works and the other walks around with DS) That takes up the whole day. Sunday DH doesn't want to do ANYTHING...and last week I worked in the kitchen (and they requested I do it again because I clean more than DH) so I was so exhausted I needed a nap a few hours after I woke up.
 
Basically, I physically have to choose between playing with my son and having a decent house. (Or, as I put it to DH, "having a happy kid or a decent house") I have SO MUCH GUILT over this. His mom actually came and cleaned my house a few months back. DH doesn't help much. Oh, he'll take out the trash (sometimes I have to remind him 6468943514 times or put it in front of the door where he trips over it on the way out) and he'll occasionally unload the dishwasher (he's been banned from loading it because he doesn't fit enough in it) but it's like getting a surly 5 year old to do it. I have to ask several times (I get "in a min" "after this episode" "after this article I'm reading" "after this level" and then he forgets and moves on to the next thing) and then he complains the whole time. If I say "we need to vacuum" I get a huge sigh and "I guess" IF I get acknowledged at all. (The phrase "we need to clean" is usually followed by a whiny "WHY??" and/or a list of reasons that the house isn't "that bad" and how I just need to let it go and how tired he is etc...) He refuses to fold laundry. I have to bitch for DAYS (I can't do it during the day because DS undoes it as I do it) and then he'll only put things on hangers...no folding, ever...he doesn't even fold to pack for trips. (I do all the clothing packing because he would just ball everything up and stuff it in the bag and call it done)
 
I have no one that can come help me. My family is toxic and estranged. His family is 4 hours away (well, my family is too so it doesn't really matter) I have no Mommy friends (we only have one car and there are various reasons it doesn't work to take him to work and have the car during the day...not that I can handle DS by myself lately) There is no park within walking distance. There is no way I could handle my spirited son on public transpo. We can't afford a mother's helper until at least a month after the baby is born.
 
I swear, I understand why Bree became an alcoholic. If weren't pregnant I'd probably have more than a couple of glasses of wine a week.
 
No one understands. Really. I can't say anything on facebook because I get 50 responses of "you need to lower your standards" (DH said the same thing last night) No one seems to get that I ALREADY DID. I just refuse to live in filth. If I don't clean the kitchen every single day it gets filthy because DH doesn't clean up after himself. If I don't make DH vacuum once a week it doesn't get done and the floor gets filthy (we have a toddler that spills/throws crumbs) I should be doing laundry every single day because it backs up (like it has)
 
Add in that if I choose to clean up a bit I get so sore that I can't play with my son. So, he gets bored and frustrated and acts out (usually violently) and I just feel like a failure. I said to DH last night, "Sometimes I think he'd be better off in daycare." and I meant it.
 
Thanks for listening to me whine. I hate doing it.

cyclamen · Nov 19, 2010

Wow, that sounds really rough. I remember when I was pregnant with DD, I had pretty awful pelvic pain that made it hard to get anything done, and the house got pretty messy even with me cleaning it. But since I didn't have another child at the time, it didn't matter. I'm seriously afraid of having that again if/when we have another baby. It is so much more important to have a habitable living space with a young one. And so important to be able to have time with you child, too. It sounds like you are just all around feeling frustrated and probably tired and overwhelmed with all you have to deal with, and feeling like your DH isn't participating in the upkeep as much as he should.
 
Anyhow what do you think are the top three things that need to be solved that could help you breathe a sigh of relief? And are there creative ways to get it done?
 
Take laundry for instance. Is there any way to make it less? For a while, we didn't have a w/d in our house, so I packed away all but eight days worth of clothes for myself and DP and DD. Then it couldn't build up past a certain point AND we actually only did it once a week at the laundromat... cloth diapers too, but only part-time.
 
Or, can you prioritize the neat vs the necessary? Like food crumbs are gross and grow stuff, while wrinkly unfolded laundry is only an eyesore. 
 
Generally people feel like they can put in more effort if their efforts are being acknowledged and their other needs are being met. So you sound really overwhelmed with several struggles including cleanliness, neatness and getting ready for birth, having extra work to do, handling your son, and being stuck at home. And by hearing that you need to relax your standards, it may feel like he is not acknowledging the work you do. No wonder you're frustrated! Maybe you both can sit down and come up with some solutions?
 
I don't just mean how often does the place need to be cleaned. That too. But I find when my BF and I start to get into the dynamic of "You don't help enough" "Get off my back, I'm tired" then we need to sit down and talk about whether or not we feel appreaciated, and how we both probably feel overwhelmed and need different kinds of help from our partner. Once we both acknowledge that the other person is struggling too, we make a lot of progress as a team, and often we make a lot of progress in getting work done too.
 
Anyhow, good luck to you mama!

cyclamen · Nov 19, 2010

Also, I was thinking... what has to be folded. Is there a way to just hang everything? You know what they say, play to the strengths. I am a non folder so we hang everything but baby clothes which just get tossed in a basket, and underwear which also goes in a basket. Bonus, my daughter can help with this.

AFWife · Nov 19, 2010

On making chores easier: I have NO idea how we go through so much laundry. DS runs around mostly naked during the day. I wear the same handful of things each week (because only 4 or 5 things actually fit right now) DH is military so he wears his uniforms...but for the most part he wears the same one all week and only changes socks, underwear, and maybe his undershirt. We don't reuse towels. I've tried to establish this as a habit...but they just get tossed on the floor (or used to clean up pee when the kid decides he's not going to use his potty that day) I cook dinner each night and do snacky type foods during the day (read: hotdogs and other things that require almost no dishes) I've tried to make the "I cook and you do dishes" deal but he always says "Why do we start on nights when YOU cook? Why can't we do it when *I* cook?" Uhm, because you only cook once or twice a month.
 
Priorities: I like having a clean kitchen and bathroom. However, if I clean during the day (like, clean the kitchen when I get up) then it's a mess after dinner and I have ZERO energy to deal with it. I can't tell you the amount of food that I've had to throw out because it sat out all night long. I just don't have the energy and he doesn't clean.
 
Talking it out: We've tried. We go through this EXACT. SAME. DANCE. at least once a month. He'll help for a day or so and then we're back to status quo. It's starting to really depress me because now I feel like crying about it won't change anything, talking about it won't change anything, so why not just bottle it up? It's silly, but it feels kind of hopeless. He just doesn't see the mess. He would invite people over with the house a wreck and never understand why my anxiety flares up. (In fact, he HAS) I don't have to have a perfect show home or anything...I just want to not feel behind the minute I wake up every morning. It's that feeling tht has made this pregnancy REALLY hard. I've felt like I don't want this baby from the start and my depression is rubbing off on my son.

AFWife · Nov 19, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by cyclamen <a href="/community/forum/thread/1280521/now-i-know-why-bree-drank-desperate-housewives#post_16059358"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a> Also, I was thinking... what has to be folded. Is there a way to just hang everything? You know what they say, play to the strengths. I am a non folder so we hang everything but baby clothes which just get tossed in a basket, and underwear which also goes in a basket.
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 Socks, underwear, towels, and kid clothes...maybe a couple of random adult clothing items. You'd be shocked at how many freaking towels I have to fold each week, though.

rachieface · Nov 19, 2010

<img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> That does sound really hard. Cyclamen has some good points. From what you said, it sounds like you and your husband might benefit from couple's therapy. That doesn't have to mean that there's huge, major issues in your marriage....but instead, it can just provide a neutral third party to help work through your concerns. It sounds like he really needs help listening to how much help you really need right now.
 
 Also, are you religious? If you attend a church of some sort, maybe you can get involved in some kind of activity/mom's group there. I'd bet that there would be caring church members willing to pick you up and take you home. It sounds like a few momma friends to talk to would really relieve some of your stress. Maybe check your tribe area to try to find some mom friends?
 
I hope things get a little easier in a few months after the newborn stage.

cyclamen · Nov 19, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by AFWife <a href="/community/forum/thread/1280521/now-i-know-why-bree-drank-desperate-housewives#post_16059368"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a>It's silly, but it feels kind of hopeless. He just doesn't see the mess. He would invite people over with the house a wreck and never understand why my anxiety flares up. (In fact, he HAS) I don't have to have a perfect show home or anything...I just want to not feel behind the minute I wake up every morning. It's that feeling tht has made this pregnancy REALLY hard. I've felt like I don't want this baby from the start and my depression is rubbing off on my son.</div>
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I prefer waking up to a clean house too. I feel really grumpy if I wake up and see dirty dishes. Can you incorporate your son into some of your chores and make that fun time with mommy? Can he stand on a chair next to you while you do dishes, or play in a small tub of water on the kitchen floor? It really sounds like you are just exhausted by the day, though. What would make dinner easier? What things can you do to make things easier on you that do not necessarily involve having your DH do something that he is not going to do. You can work on that problem later, the most important thing is to make your life easier on you while you get ready for your child.
 
One other practical note. My Bf is wayyy more likely to do something if it's built into his routine. He is a mega creature of habit. Do not disturb his routine or it flusters him, and he gets grumpy. Even his routine of "I get home and sit down with the kid." BUT if we plan it ahead of time and tie a chore into his routine (take garbage out while getting morning coffee) or something, then he doesn't even grumble about doing it. The grumbling comes from interrupting his flow. He also doesn't "see the mess" unless it's bad. We're talking about taking pictures of the house on a good day and hanging them up as a reference.
 
On an emotional note... is there any way that you can see a counselor? It sounds like having some emotional support would really benefit you.

AFWife · Nov 19, 2010

We were seeing counselors (different ones for a different problem...a past affair on my part) and things were going really well between us. Like I said, this flairs up once a month or so...
 
I've thought about counseling. But honestly I don't see how having someone else repeat what I'm saying will do any good. His mom has basically said some of the same things before (like him helping with laundry or whatever) and it makes no difference.
 
 
We're supposed to go visit his family for Tgiving. I'm really starting to not want to go...if I still feel like this next week then his grandmother making comments about how I won't be able to treat this baby like I did DS (she's from the CIO, solids at 8 weeks generation.....totally not how we did/do things) I might just lose it right there.

DuckDuckGoose · Nov 20, 2010

I hear you mama. I had a really rough time during my second pregnancy, and my first was older than yours. So you are basicly just surviving right now. It will be different once the baby comes and there is less of a physical demand on your body. There will be other challenges but you might just be blessed with an easy newborn! Theres thinking positively!!
 
Heres a couple suggestions that come to mind....
 
Have 3 towels. 3 different colors one for each of you and hang them up on the shower rod after you're done. If they are still wet you could pop them in the dryer for a couple minutes. This will train your boys that they must take care of their towel or else they won't have a dry one for the next day!

Get a big bin and pack away almost ALL your sons toys. Take out a couple things each day. Something different and interesting. Store the bin out of the way where your son can't get to it. Its really not cruel for children to only have a few select toys to play with and it lessens the end of day mess.
 
Dinner: when you are plating up your meal for your family just set out an extra plate (or container) and put the leftovers away as if it were another serving. That way when you are pooped from dinner you don't have to worry about putting them away. Use paper plates! I'm normally not an advocate of wate products but mama, it sounds like you need to cut some corners. And paper can be composted if you are into that.
 
Set a timer for 10 minutes and have all 3 of you do a rapid clean up. That makes it fun for all of you! One can vacuum, one can do dishes, and one can pick up things....... And I find it really easy at the end of the day to grab a laundry basket and just toss EVERYTHING that doesn't belong where it is into the basket. You could do that and then sort it out in the morning when you have more energy. 
 
Hope that helps!! And I hope your hubby decides that its worth his time to help and make his wife happy.

Emmeline II · Nov 21, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by AFWife <a href="/community/forum/thread/1280521/now-i-know-why-bree-drank-desperate-housewives#post_16059496"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a> 
I've thought about counseling. But honestly I don't see how having someone else repeat what I'm saying will do any good. His mom has basically said some of the same things before (like him helping with laundry or whatever) and it makes no difference.
 
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Because someone else is saying them, not the wife or mommy.
 
When I was in the AF I went to pre-marital counseling at the FSC (dh was stationed elsewhere); they used a book called "Fighting for Your Marriage" that I found really helpful. Since you are not getting far on your own I'd give counseling another shot.
 
Can you move on base? I know there are reasons to not live on base (dh refused) but you'd have the theoretical option of using the bus and you would probably have a playground you could walk to.
 
Also, if you have a Walmart nearby they usually have some inexpensive bookcases; Target also.

BeckyA · Nov 21, 2010

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by AFWife <a href="/community/forum/thread/1280521/now-i-know-why-bree-drank-desperate-housewives#post_16058722"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-bottom:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-right:0px solid;"></a>
 
Add in that if I choose to clean up a bit I get so sore that I can't play with my son. So, he gets bored and frustrated and acts out (usually violently) and I just feel like a failure. I said to DH last night, "Sometimes I think he'd be better off in daycare." and I meant it.
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THAT!
 
With barely 2 months away fm having a newborn added to the chaos, I REALLLLLY think that you need to send your ds to a daycare for atleast 2h/day. Even if its to just take a power nap without having to worry abt your ds's safety/what he maybe undoing around the hse. 2 quiet hrs for your sanity,before u become more 'indispensable'
 
That way, u'll get some things done - dinner,snacks,folding &PUTTING AWAY the laundry before he's home, AND be fresh enough to face his tantrums/clinginess/whtver with a more relaxed mind. Also, it'll give you time to bond with ur LO once it arrives (umm ok,....u'll be catching up on the sleep and nothing else!)
 
I do my shopping (2times/wk) after I drop my 3y ds to the playsch, and pick him up on the way bk.
 
Getting my ds to go to playsch (2h/5days/wk) became a priority for me on the day of the +ve pee stick. (I hdnt pushed it much cos he's cried for all 3 days when I'd tried it when he was 2y old) He did ofourse resist this time too, but I didnt cave in, and in a week, he began to look fwd to going to the sch. We started about 3mos ago. I too have had a sore sciatic nerve with this pregnancy right fm the first month.
 
DS is a spirited child and gets easily bored if stuck at home for more than 3h. He isnt the type to play by himself for more 10mins, and since Im a cook-fm-scratch type of person, I found myself getting irritated/angry when he'd come into the kitchen demanding to play/ making a mess in the kitchen/running off with the scissors/knife just to have me OUT of the kitchen. And of course, another reason for a playsch pitch is that the kid will not have to face as much TV time cos Im too busy getting things done around the house. Oh yeah, even I have no idea why we have so much laundry!
 
Another tip if u dont mind....get him pee-trained before u deliver. Seriously....THAT peeing wherever he chooses is such a, such a PITA, not to mention the amt of rags/towels u end up with having to be washed right away cos they'd get smelly otherwise. Let me recall...by 19mos, yeah, I think ds wld tell me he wanted to pee, AND of course there wld be accidents, but I wld force myself to take him to the loo EVERYhr. That saved so much mopping & washing! At 8mos pregnant, try that so u dont have to look around where he peed/accidentally step on it and slip.
 
Alternately, get him on the training pants AT ALL TIMES. Just dont let him be bum-naked for more than 15m. With it being cold weather, they pee more often too.
 
Its good that you have a small house..seriously, its just that much easier to clean. And like u, I too like a clean hse to wake up to in the morn. There's just something abt an all-clear shiny black granite countertop in the kitchen waiting for u to mess it up in the morn! AND just like u, I also hate the after-dinner mess that I have to deal with.
 
I dont know abt ur afterdinner rituals, but I used to have a mental dilemma abt what came first, putting DS to sleep or spending 15m quickcleaning the kitchen, and I'd invariably get the kitchen cos the happily fed dh is playing with the ds, and I better clean all wheile I dont have ds in the kitchen. Then ds's sleep time wld get pushed bk, cos I wld end up doing it AFTER the kitchen. So I dug my heels in and put in a wk's worth of all-out fight btn dh and I abt it and told him that getting the boy cleaned, brushed, into jammies, and into bed AND asleep is his job while I clean. This was a yr ago, and its been that way. It sure was a horrible week, but soooo worth it now. DH is also a surly 5y old many days. He thinks I nag. So be it. Just get the damn trash out.
 
 
Let us know abt any change that's happened.
 
Becky

HappyMommy2 · Nov 21, 2010

Mama, it sounds like you are in a tough place. Like you, I am pregnant and irritated with my hubby. It sounds to me like (1) your DH needs to do more, and (2) You can do more to help him help you.
 
1. Seriously, STOP folding the socks and underwear. Life is too short to fold underwear. I buy 20 pairs of the same white socks for each person. The socks and underwear go right in the drawer as is. The wearer can grab two socks themselves in the morning. (i.e. match them up themselves). Underwear stretches, so it doesn't matter if it is a bit wrinkly!!
 
2. Put a toy box in the laundry room. The toddler unfolding your work is not an option. He can help or play. My kids' job is to find the socks & underwear from the pile, and put them all in the same basket. Once in the bedrooms, I sort them by person and toss them in the drawers.
 
3. I agree with playing to DH's strengths. He has already agreed to do the hanging, so the "chore talk" assigning that to him on Wednesdays and Sundays shouldn't be too horrific.
 
4. You might have to just stop doing his laundry. Leave his in the dirty basket, and let him know that if he can't help with the family laundry, then he can own his own.
 
5. The VERY next time he does dinner, jump up with an excited face and say that you are SO thrilled that you finally get to implement your idea where one person cooks and the other cleans. Whistle while you do those dishes!! He will get it.
 
6. Put the trash outside the door, so that he can't get in the house at night with out dealing with it. I found that my hubby responded better to this type of solution rather than repeated nagging, which is no fun for either for us!
 
7. Pick some things to accept, and let go. This is the hardest one. For example, my dh would take out the kitchen trash each Tuesday. BUT - he would never get the trash from the bathrooms, bedrooms, laundry room. To me this is a half-a$$ job that used to make me insane. I had to accept this. So now, my son and I play "upstairs trash guy" on Mondays, and consolidate all the other ones, and put them into the kitchen trash.
 
8. Unban him from loading the dishwasher, immediately. Seriously!!! You cannot just own this huge chore forever yourself. I had to let this one go too. My husband still faces things towards the walls, instead of the center where the jets are. Here's how I did it. I decided that even if I have to throw 2-3 things in the next wash, so be it. It is better than loading EVERY load by myself!! You need to decide that even if he runs a load that could have had 2 more plates and 4 more cups, who cares!!! It is slightly worse on the environment, but infinitely better for your own sanity.
 
9. If you let some things go, and accept other things, it is easier to choose which battles to fight. Pick the battles you can win, and that will actually help you.

AFWife · Nov 21, 2010

Thank you SO MUCH everyone for the great ideas. I love the "one color towel each" idea!!! That would work so well (at least until I can get back on top of things)
 
Living on base isn't an option. 1) The waiting list is something like a year long. 2) Apparently base housing SUCKS here. Like, the homes are terrible and not taken care of very well.
 
I really can't afford (financially or emotionally) to send DS to daycare. Apparently, MIL has been asking to take him for an entire weekend and I was racked with such Mommy-Guilt that I started crying. I told DH "He just wants to spend time with me...I can't give him LESS of that"

SubliminalDarkness · Nov 21, 2010

I'm trying to think of useful things, but when I was that pregnant with #2 I went into super nesting phase and I don't think my home was ever cleaner! I was exhausted from it physically, but it was like a compulsion. LOL. I wish I could have that compulsion all the time! But I can't.
 
How much time are you spending per day playing with your son? I'm not really a playing person, so for me that wasn't something I was ever trading. But while I need to clean in the kitchen, I'd bring DS in and put him in his high chair, or give him something to play with on the floor. I'd fold laundry on the bed so he couldn't get to it. And so on.

hopefulfaith · Nov 21, 2010

My kids are 15 months apart -- I remember well the constant struggle to parent semi-decently/be a spouse/maintain the house...all while being so freaking exhausted I couldn't stand up at the end of the day (hence, I was not much of a spouse...let's put it that way...).
 
Anyway, you've gotten a lot of good advice and I just wanted to throw out a few things that worked for me. I found that simplifying my household management really helped me through those hard few years there, where my kids were both babies at the same time.
 
1. I downsized. We have 2 towels per person in our house. I threw out the bathroom rugs, because they were just something else to wash after ds peed on them

and we used a handtowel to step on after we got out of the shower. Frankly, a set of towels can be in use for a few days, I throw them in the washer after dinner, throw them in the dryer before I go to bed, and when I wake up, they are dry and go right back on the rack. No folding!
 
2. Downsizing clothing: everyone only gets what fits nicely in the closet. My son doesn't need 20 shirts, and my daughter doesn't need 15 pairs of pants. Everyone gets what fits on a closet rod, on a hanger. I take hangers to the laundry room and pull clothes out and put them on hangers -- no folding. Sometimes I'll bring them to the couch and put everything on a hanger while I'm sitting there, and deliver them to the closets after that. Underwear isn't folded - it's put into the "underwear drawer" where it is organized (i.e., only underwear lives there), but doesn't have to be super-tidy/folded neatness. Socks: simplified. Each kid has about six pairs, and I replace as needed. Like colors. Pajamas: 2-3 pairs per kid. Also not folded; they live in a specific pajama drawer....again, not ultra-neat, but organized. Dh and I have the same system: only what fits in our available space, etc.
 
3. Downsizing dishes. Dishes were a big thing to me, because I didn't have a dishwasher when my kids were babies. Hence, we only had 8 plates/glasses/bowls, etc. I wasn't going to wash 19 glasses at a time....who has time for that?
 
4. Trash outside the door, like a pp. If my dh wanted to get in the door, he had to put it in the can. Otherwise, I would get all passive-aggressive and silently resent him all evening for not taking it out.

Also, I minimized the number of trash cans in the house. I know it sounds silly, but we have kitchen/bathroom/basement garbage cans, and that's it -- I gather bags from all three and I'm done.
 
5. I know it's not a popular NFL choice, but my bathroom is very rarely scrubbed (again, two kids close in age...who has the time?) --- but I succumbed to Lysol/Clorox cleaning wipes. At night before I go to bed, I wipe the vanity and around the toilet. It keeps it mostly clean for very little effort.
 
6. Downsize/rotate toys; there are lots of good threads in MHM about this, but picking up wasn't usually a big deal in my house when my kids were toddlers because there simply wasn't much available for them to throw around/have to clean up.
 
 
I know that household management is only one small part of the difficulty you're having right now, but when I was in your shoes, it was one of the few things I could control. I couldn't make my dh come home from work on time, couldn't make him adore helping me keep the house in order, couldn't _not_ keep from falling asleep in the afternoon with my son....and I don't have any family within an 8-9 hour drive from my home. Also, we live in a small town and childcare is extraordinarily hard to come by, so it wasn't like I could drop my son off to a daycare (there wasn't one) or sitter (none of those, either) when I needed to do something --- I feel your pain.
 
 
Even if none of my suggestions help, I want to offer you a big ((((hug)))). I remember how hard it was being pregnant with a toddler running around; I was pg when my son was 5 months old, and it was so, so hard. It gets easier, I promise.

Kelly1101 · Nov 21, 2010

No time for a long response, but had to give *hugs* A few months ago I was 8 months preg with a 16-month-old, and man is it miserable. Had the same "I shouldn't have gotten pregnant" thoughts.
 
It's actually easier to have two under two, than to be pregnant with a 1-year old. Yeah, it's more hectic looking out for both of them, but at least now I'm HEALTHY and have my body back and can DO things. Hang in there... it really is better on the other side, and you're almost there... I so remember how much it sucks to have so much to do and my body just not handling it well.

JamieB · Nov 23, 2010

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time<img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="width:22px;height:15px;"> You will feel more able to get things done someday. I promise

I was in your situtation a little more than a year ago. My kids are 21 months apart and our DH's work almost exactly the same hours. I also did not have much help from family. I had some random thoughts reading your post.
 
What is your DS's sleep like? How much does he get? Does he nap during the day? 
 
Can you give up the raw dairy temporarily? It seems like so much work and so time consuming. Maybe you could pick it back up after you have the baby and aren't feeling quite as pregnant?
 
Get three towels. One for each of you. Hang them in the bathroom and wash them every couple days and put them right back. No folding. And if your DH won't reuse his towel then I guess he can air dry. lol
 
Can you fold laundry on the counter while your DS plays or eats? Sometimes I will put DS2 in his highchair with a yummy snack and fold laundry while we have great conversations

I guess it would be too hard/painful for you to get your DS outside? Even just for a snail paced walk? lol This is what DS1 and I do with DS2 in the wagon. We stop at every single drain in the street, every mailbox etc...lol We might only go half a block and back and it takes forever and DS loves it.
 
I think one of the biggest things is cleaning up the kitchen after supper. If you are waking up to a dinner mess every morning then you are definitely going to feel overwhelmed. Maybe you and DH could take turns entertaining DS while one does the dishes/cleanup? DH entertains our kids while I do the dishes every night and it works out great. A lot of the times he gets the kids ready for bed. Not sure if that is an option for you guys.
 
Maybe visit the decluttering board here if you feel like you don't have enough space?
 
A lot of people had some really great suggestions here for you. Good luck mama. I find the disagreements with DH actually physically drain me soooo much so I can just imagine how you must feel. It is like I have no motivation for ANYTHING when DH and I aren't gettting along.

Now I know why Bree drank...(Desperate Housewives)

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