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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Am I the only one who has ZERO libido while nursing? My hubby and I rarely GIO, and I always want to say no... even when I go ahead and do it for his sake. Man, this is way TMI, I know, but I'm desperate (ha ha) for some relief here. My dd is just 13 months old and we are not planning to wean soon, but I don't know how much longer we can go like this. Even I am getting tired of myself not ever being in "the mood"... I can only imagine how my poor hubby feels.
I have had exactly 3 ppaf and feel like my body should be getting back in the swing of things by now. How in the world will we ever be able to TTC #3 (as is our plan, sometime between now and next summer)?? I am open to suggestions, so leave your propriety at the door and let me hear it!!
TIA! (from me and my hubby!
)
Darci
 

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Hey Darci,
All I can say is I was glad to see the title of your post because i'm the same way. Especially the part about how you're getting tired of your own self not being in the mood. i actually remember the last time I was ITM, and it was many moons ago. It felt so FANTASTIC. That's why I know that right now I'm pretty damn miserable in this regard.

DD just turned 12 months old. She sleeps in our room, right next to our bed in playpen, but often is in our bed, too, whenever she wants to be. I know one thing, my nipples used to be my FAVORITE part about being stimulated and now it's ANNOYING if my DH tries to initiate ML with that. One thing we've tried is other kinds of stimulation, like a back rub. ALso, we tend to put DD to bed and then watch a movie, relishing in our 'freetime' while DD is sleeping soundly. BUt, the downside is that when the movie's over and it's time for us to go to bed, we're exhausted from raising DD and from staying up too late and getting up too early with DD. So, I'm suggesting that we skip the movie once in a while and instead set aside time to GIO, saving our little energy reserves for that at least once a week, if not twice (not ready for twice yet, if you know what I mean).

Basically, I am suggesting that you look at your routine and all the other factors which may be contributing to your libido beyond nursing - exhaustion has to be one of them, right? stress? needing new ways of being stimulated and feeling good since nursing numbs the nipples (a blessing for us concerning the baby, but not concerning the hubby)? And just try to make some changes. Of course, I'm suggesting this before actually trying it out myself. I litterally JUST made this suggestion this morning to DH!!! He was really glad about it (understandably) because he wants me to enjoy myself, too.

Good luck and I hope other people write and give us ideas/support!
zuri'smom
 

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Do you think there might be an evolutionary reason behind it? I can see Desmond Morris saying that the libido is diminished for a while to give our bodies a break between pregnancies and to allow for some time before the next child comes along. Maybe that's from nursing, maybe just from being a Mom.


For me, by the end of the day, I'm pretty completely touched out. I nanny for two little ones under three, plus my own under two. By the time ds hits the hay, the only hands I would want on me belong to a masseuse.


Our most recent really hot, spontaneous toss came completely out of the blue. I had been asleep for several hours when dh came to bed. He swears he was just putting his arm around me, but it landed right on my breast. I don't know why it hit me like, WHAM!, but we were both very glad it did. Maybe the secret is to let your partner sort of sneak up on you while you're asleep and not conscious enough to remember all those logical reasons to say no.
 

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I also have NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO drive what so ever. i did 2 months ago for a week. We actually did it twice in 2 days.. DH was probably near having a heart attack :LOL now I don't even want him near me again. Poor guy.
 

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Another one here, you gals aren't alone!

I get a little drive every now and again, but for the most part it's nothing, and my dd is 17 months
I've tried just about everything I can think of, but it's really getting old and frustrating. We're not planning on TTC until Nov. or Dec., and lord help me if it's not back by then. I guess the worst part is (TMI!) how much we had sex pre-baby. Every night, at least once a night for almost 3 years straight, and it was good. I'm just missing that intimacy, you know?!

So no suggestions, just a
from another mama who's in zero libido land too.
 

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I really think that there is an evolutionary reason behind this. I too had NO interest in sex while nursing. it has been a month since DS last nursed, and it is slowly coming back. I have started having sexy dreams again, and now look at DH sometimes and think " it won't be too bad to let DS watch Elmo for 30 minutes" :LOL
 

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I am with you. My dd just turned one and my sex drive is nilch. I miss it- I feel for my husband. But I know (or am really hoping
) that it isn't forever. I don't forsee dd weaning any time soon. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Just
s from somebody in your shoes!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by CajunMama
. . . it won't be too bad to let DS watch Elmo for 30 minutes" :LOL
My girlfriend and I garage sale together. We hit this FABULOUS sale a few weeks ago at the home of a woman who owns a lingerie store. GREAT, new lingerie for pennies on the dollar. Woo hoo! We were in heaven, and so were our husbands when we got home and did fashion shows. The next day we compared notes and I asked her, "So, how do you guys, er, handle the logistics, what with the Family Bed and all?" Turns out they resorted to Thomas the Tank Engine while we were relying on Baby Einstein. Thank God for DVD players.
:
 

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I am not alone! DH thinks it is him, and I know that it has something to do with nursing, and DD is still nursing a lot. We certainly are not ready for weaning anytime soon, which is fine by me. I am letting her lead the way, but I do feel bad for DH
Although DD nurse 8+ times a day and I do get my cycle which i don't understand. It was funny b/c i mentioned something about when we have a second babe, and his reply was, well you have to have sex to make a baby!
:

 

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Right here with ya, girls!
DH and I have been struggling with the libido prob since i got pregnant. We had a brief respite in my 8th month of pg when my libido was up (impending depravation, i think) but since then I dont even really FEEL like a sexual being. I feel like the omnipresent Mommy Monster. Its so hard to turn off the Mommy brain and turn ON the sexy brain. We have DS in the crib for just the first part of the night (until midnight or so) just so we can have couple time, but most of the time i am just too tired! We are continually working on it...

I read that nursing creates/increases prolactin, which is the 'bonding' hormone of motherhood. It makes our milk and gives us those nurturing, caring feelings for our babies. But as prolactin goes up, testosterone (the hormone associated with aggression) goes down, and sex drive goes with it. Like a PP said, evolution-wise i am sure it is that way to help with spacing out babies and so all the cave women were not out whacking mammoths with clubs instead of snuggling with their babes in the cave.

Lisa
 

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You mean it's not only me?

Poor dh has been so patient, but I am just so not in the mood. It took a while for us to get over the sex-in-the (accidental) family-bed situation, but even now I am generally "blah," for lack of a better term. ITA with Lisa, it is so difficult to switch gears--even to fall asleep although I am so tired. If I were smart I'd go to bed right after dinner, but I need just an hour or two of being able to read the paper or watch TV without someone clutching at my skirt, KWIM?

I didn't realize it had to do with nursing though...I don't know what I thought it was: exhaustion? the fact that I lost so much weight from nursing that now I hate how I look? the fact that dh comes to bed at midnight and I am generally pissed off that I'm not asleep yet, despite turning in an hour before?

This is very interesting...I live in a neighborhood/community where it is very unusual to bf even to 12 months--as a result I know a lot of people with kids spaced <2 years. Not only can't I wrap my mind around that because I can't imagine APing 2 under 2, but I can't imagine having the "motivation" to create another one right now
:
 

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I've experienced lack of sex drive during nursing with all 3 of my babies. I, too, am tired of myself being this way. For me, my boobs have always been the 'trigger' that gets me all hot and ready and now, while nursing, it hurts to have them be touched at all! I cannot stand to have any stimulation there and, as a result, I can't get excited.

Plus being tired, and mentally exhausted from doing the whole bedtime routine with the kids. And finally having time to myself .... for the few hours or minutes that I have before I go to sleep why would I want to share that time?! It's my only time, in 24 hours, that I finally get to do what *I* want to do, be it sleep, or read, or veg in front of the tv. I feel really bad for my husband, and he has been great about it. I try to do things for him but it ends up being maybe once every two weeks and I'm not very 'into' it at all ....
 

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You are surely not the only one.

I would rather relax and do almost anything after ds is asleep! Food network is more appetizing
I feel terrible about it, and dh thinks it's him and it will last forever lol. He doesnt quite believe it's temporary.

I know it is a complete loss of libido though, b/c I used to get little "crushes" on hot actors....like the cute guy in boondock saints or orlando bloom or something, they could make my mouth dry and my thoughts race...but not at ALL anymore. Nada. I am utterly disinterested LOL!

I can *get into* sex if I try and psych myself up....it's still fun...I just am not motivated at all.

I'm glad I'm not the only one, and it's good to know it wont always be this way lol.
 

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Ohhhh, these posts are *so* nice to read. I did assume my utter lack of libido was related to bf'ing, but it is still nice to read posts that remind me I'm not alone. Unfortunately, I didn't share with dh that I thought it was a hormonal issue and for the first several months pp, he thought this was just what mommyhood had done to me permanently. He was pretty sad about it. Poor guy.

DS nightweaned a little over a month ago (my other DS, his twin, no longer nurses - a very long, sad story), and I haven't actually felt a little pick up in my libido, for which dh has been very very grateful. (And by pick up, I mean I actually initiated sex once 2 or 3 weeks ago - how sad that that is progress!). Still no AF here, and I have thought maybe the return of my period would also have an effect on my libido.

The worst part for me is what a couple of other PPs mentioned. Prior to having babies, my breasts were a huge pleasure zone for me sexually. Now I just find it mostly irritating when dh touches them - especially the nipples. Most of the time I have a hard time imagining that I will ever enjoy them in sex again.


The other thing for me is the time involved. How pathetic is that? It's just I feel so perpetually crunched for time. I'm behind in everything - the house stays a wreck, I can barely stay on top of meal planning, work, and other obligations, and I rarely have a moment for myself. So when I have a small chunk of time when the boys happen to be sleeping, sex tends to be way down on my list of priorities.

Sadly, I think I miss the idea of sex more than I miss sex itself. It sucks, but I'm glad I'm not alone.
 

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Everyone I know who is bfing has had a lack of or no sex drive.My gyn says that when you're bfing your body thinks it's going through menopause. That's why there can be little lubrication.Makes sense. My dh (god bless him) says it'll come back (Dd is 27 mos) and not to worry about it. Our pre-baby relationship was very very sexual and I'm finally starting to feel it, but sex has been so infrequent that he's actually kind of nervous and afraid he might disappoint me. Anyways like everything else "it's only temporary" I am amazed that some people get pregnant almost immediately after having a baby because I had absolutely no desire to even GIO!! As for the breasts i haven't let him near them -They belong to Dd for now. I also still haven't seen AF.
 

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My babe is 10mo and I have very little sex drive. No AF yet either. I feel kind of sorry for my dh. But when I was pg it was the reverse. I had this huge increase in my sex drive while pg and my dh was a bit inhibited, especially after I started dialating.
 

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I have no libido since birth either. AF returned regularly when DD was a year (she is 17 mo now) still no libido. I had a strong libido before though. I do think it is evolutionary to some extent. I am also not planning any more kids (DH has 5 and I am nearly 42) and I think subconsciously that is affecting it too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Well, I'm sorry no one here is getting it on, but I am glad to hear I'm not the only one!!

I did want to address a snippet from one post that ponders the "how" of APing 2 under 2. My first 2 dds are 14 months apart. My dh and I are very AP. Our 1st dd transitioned from the family bed to a crib right around a year old, her choice. She woke a lot and fought and kicked in our bed, but slept peacefully all night long in her own space. She was weaned around 3 months, very sadly, as the result of some very bad advice from our ex-ped. I'll also mourn that loss. My cycles resumed around 6 weeks after her, she was weaned around 3 months, and I was pg again (non-so-planned) at 5 months pp. I think it takes a lot of patience and commitment, but APing 2 under 2 is totally doable... think of all the mommies with twins (or more).

DH & I did actually DTD last night. It all started with several minutes of no-pressure kissing. Can you believe that? We've been together 9 years and we're still making out. :LOL I think it was the kissing combined with the feeling that he didn't expect me to have sex with him. It was very liberating.... and the sex was fantastic, btw.
Of course, I don't have much recent experience to compare it with!


Thanks for commiserating with me ladies... I guess I just needed a little support/BTDT input.

Darci
 
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