offending others (long winded)

Yes I have gotten into fights with people over my views on this barbaric pratcie. With friends who are expecting I have just told them some of the bennifits I have also let them change my boys diapers with me right there besides them walking them through how much eaiser it is to change an intact boy vs a cut one.KWIM? I have also let them know that the only time I have been pee'd on was when walking one of the boys to the tub naked and then it happened not at every diaper change. That was the winning argument with one mom who decided to leave her son intact she found that little bit of info out. I try not to be to harsh because they could have more children later on and could also have a change of heart so I want to make sure to leave all doors open just incase they have questions that I can answer.

Tiff

I haven't lost any friends but I sure as heck WISH I could lose my BIL/SIL who cut their 35 week, 5 pound preemie for no good reason AFTER we educated them about circ.

With most other people, I take a very friendly approach and try to educate them from the perspective that "most people don't know this, but...." and talk about the functions of the foreskin, the fact that circ isn't needed for medical or hygenic reasons, etc. I find that if I approach it from the viewpoint of "I didn't use to know this but now I do, and you will be interested too" the conversation doesn't get hostile.

I would be willing to lose friendships over it, if necessary. I think advocating for a baby boy's right to an intact body is more important than hurt feelings, KWIM?

I haven't run into this yet, as I'm still pregnant with #2 who's sex we don't know. But when the time comes if someone asks me if my boy is circ'd I plan on telling them "of course not, I don't believe in ginital mutilation" Yea, it will probably offend [a lot of] people but it's something I feel passionate about. My #2 response will be "we didn't circ dd why would we circ ds?"

I'm sure to get a pitty party out of my MIL out of any comment I make, but those happen on a daily basis with her so

I don't keep friends that aren't open minded enough to at least listen and consider what I say. I give them the same courtesy, on topics that they are passionate about.

With family, it gets a bit trickier. I haven't crossed that bridge yet. It's possible that I'll have to deal with questions about it this weekend, when I visit my aunt and her three little circ'd sons. She hasn't yet witnessed one of my son's diaper changes, so it hasn't come up. Luckily, I have the Canadian Pediatric's Society on my side, as they don't recommend routine circumcisions (and they're no longer paid for by Canada's healthplan...one of the things our healthplan does not cover is cosmetic surgery).

Oddly enough, the only person I've butted head with about it is my MIL...who kept her own son intact. She INSISTED that we get our son circumsised, because she regrets not doing it to DH. All it took was a talk from DH, thanking her for keeping him intact, to shut her up.

My mum asked if we had discussed circumcision. (Background: she suffers with mental illness and takes everything personally, so any time spent with her is focussed on not offending her ) I said "what's there to talk about?" to which she got a little offended... She said "well there'll always be people on both sides of the argument" To which I replied "well we had a very short discussion about it, because we're both in complete agreeance" and that was it. That was the first time anyone had ever asked me about the issue, and I think (taking into account who it was that did the asking) I handled it as strongly as I could have.

I just turned 40 ( ) and most my friends are past their child-having years, so it's not a subject that comes up real often. But when it does I don't shrink from using language like "barbaric"..."cosmetic mutilation"..."you would never consider doing it to a daughter"..."based on social conformity, mythology and fear of the male's sexuality." I don't really care if it offends anyone anymore; I find cutting up babies' genitals offensive!

But I've yet to have anyone get offended or defensive about it, even though many have had boys they circ'd. It's considered so "normal" around here and most of them have no idea why they did it. I think the strong language makes them think about something they otherwise wouldn't. I might get some weak response like, "Isn't it cleaner?," but no real arguments or defense. You can tell it makes the wheels start turning for many of them when they actually hear another POV.

I was pleasantly surprised a few weeks ago. A lady I work with invited me to join her for dinner at her daughter and her daugther's b/f's (they're 24 and 21)new home. She brought up that I was anti-circ and I was elated to find out her daughter was as well. The b/f was of a certain religious persuasion on half his family, though not practicing himself. He never had one objection to our conversation, so I'm pretty sure any children they might have will stay intact. There might be some hope for the future around here.

I'm always a little taken aback that people will ASK. It just seems like such a bizarre question, you know? We're so obsessed with penises and boobs in this country.

Anyway, my aunt (I love her to death, but she is a not the brightest bulb in the box) asked in front of my dad and grandmother when my ds was about 2 months old. I said "Oh GOD no" and my dear 85 year old grandmother quickly said "they don't do that anymore."

My mother also asked, and breathed a huge sigh of relief when I told her no.
Other than that, it's rarely come up. My MIL asked my dh, and I think she questioned him a bit, but truthfully I couldn't possibly care less.

I try not to come across too strongly if someone is just asking me a question out of curiousity. Although I get passionate if we get into a debate about it, or if they bring up 'benefits' to having a son circumcised. But if someone just asks me what we did, I try to be matter of fact about it.

However - I offend people all of the time. It was a really big deal in both my immediate family and community that I chose to leave my son intact. Just hearing that he didn't have a bris infuriates people. Which part of me understands (ignorance and a refusal to question something they've been brainwashed into) and part of me is confounded by. Even if it's something they feel strongly about, they have the chance to mutilate their own kids. Why the interest in mine? (completely rhetorical, they can't stand missing an opportunity to educate me, they're defensive, it's threatening that someone may start to think about a ritual instead of doing it without any thought at all). I'm not asking to be understood, forgiven, or anything. But I'm not going to lie and pretend he's circumcised. Don't ask if you're going to get all bent out of shape about my answer.

Do I care if hearing my choice offends people? No. Some of my friends who bottle fed, let their kids cry at night, etc., are defensive and offended when I said I was nursing because breastmilk is best. It's the same thing. Some of my friends agree with me, and some do what they do, and we don't argue about it. And I'm closer to the ones who have the same beliefs, but I'm also close to the ones who can accept that I make different choices from them.

I'm not going to stop telling people what we chose to do (when they ask) because it may offend people.

Take care,

My opinion is: if other people are brazen enough to ask you such a personal question, they should be prepared for the answer, and accept that they might not like what they hear.

No one ever asked me about whether or not I circ'ed my sons (I didn't). Maybe they just decided to mind their own business!

Emmy : I love your grandmother.

I had a girl, so no one ever asks my opinion, but I'm not shy about giving it anyway I have a friend from college who's due with a little boy in August. We're not really close anymore, but we get together a couple times a year for dinner, adn email pretty regularly. I've talked to her about circ, and quite honestly, have no idea what she's planning to do. If she circs her son, I doubt I'll be able to be friendly towards her anymore.

Yeah, I'd be willing to lose a friendship to advocate for a little boy who can't advocate for himself.

My mother asked me while I was pregnant if we would circ a boy and I said Nope. The conversation went downhill from there. What changed her mind was when she was with me at a prenatal appt and my midwife asked me about it and I told her no. She HUGGED me and said "Thank God! Another one I don't have to talk out of it!" We went on to have a half hour conversation, in front of my mother, about the evils of circumcision. On the way home, my mother said, "You'll just have to teach me how to take care of it."

Really, thank God I had a girl. :

I have lived in the US for 13 years (got my degree here, have citizenship, etc.) but still have my European accent so people seem to cut me some slack -crazy foreigners you know...
I'd rather have them ask me important stuff like this rather than one more "When are you due"/ "Do you know what you are having?"

I agree KBinSATX. I would much rather people ask me if I'm going to breastfeed, circumcise, etc. than is it a boy or a girl? (Of course, not that I necessarily ask people personal questions!) I wish more people would ask me my views because I would gladly share them! I'm sure I'd offend a few people, but not purposely. I found out when I became a vegetarian YEARS ago that a simple statement such as, "No thanks, I'm a vegetarian" would seriously offend people. So, something as volatile as my opposition to circumcision would definitely offend people. But, that's their problem. Maybe some people would just learn a different point of view. Actually, I was venting to a girl at our church (a bit younger than me - not married or a mom yet) about some of the conversations here on this board (reasons people have circ'd, mostly the cosmetic argument). She said, "I heard it was cleaner." Bingo - education time. It worked - she listened. Maybe when she becomes a mom she'll think twice about circing - one can only hope!